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Complete Emotional Reconstruction [Level 5]

3.5g Golden Teacher

Last weekend I ate 3.5g of dried Golden Teachers with two friends and a trip sitter who left towards the end of the night with one of my friends who had a bad trip. The trip is evenly split between the beginning, which had intense visuals, mandala patterns, visual distortion, and proved to me that this particular baggie of mushrooms was particularly potent. This is no doubt why my friend had to go home to do his best to survive his bad trip, the guy isn't too experienced tripping and judging from the quality of the similar dose I ate, he must've been overwhelmed. I ate them in a PB&J and smoked a cone while coming up. After I finished the joint, my vision started tessellating and taking on classic psychedelic effects. I was experiencing the beginnings of my first "visionary" experience, one during which clear images of unfamiliar figures, loved ones, concepts, and euphoria would wash over me in waves. I was sitting at a warmly lit table with the trip sitter and my friend who was having an equally exhilarating experience. This table was where I had a definitive peak, and the visuals were often so intense that I had to close my eyes and rest my head on the table. I was seeing geometric patterns and every object in the room was breathing. I gathered the strength to go onto the balcony (we were in a high rise), and the vista of the city was too much, and I felt my facial features being dragged into the bustling energy that was being produced by the lights, it was as if the city was having an all-encompassing party, and it was trying to pull me in to join. I did, however, continue to be aware of the fact that there was no such party, and sat back down at the table.

My other friend had gone off by himself in an attempt to sleep off the mushrooms, but that did not work out very well for him. He came back outside after having vomited, the anxiety having already taken a firm hold of his trip. The trip sitter elected to take him home, as the two of us left were very comfortable during our navigation of this trip (and slightly more experienced), with a backup trip sitter on the way in a few hours. This caused a great deal of anxiety in me, and physically I felt some of the stomach pain he was experiencing (no doubt due to the anxiety). I calmed down when he texted me that he was safe at home, the trip having worn off. I have seen people flip that kind of physically painful anxiety into a positive experience, which is what I was hoping for my friend. Unfortunately, it ultimately ended up being far too much for him to deal with and he chalks this up as an all-around bad time. 

Still at the table, now coming down, I had a really great conversation with the friend who had stuck it out with me. We spoke freely, from love, to mortality, and about our trips and what had arrived on our minds during our respective peaks. My friend went to another room to check on something, and that is where I felt a second wave, and a communicative presence that asked me sternly to examine my interpersonal relationships, and do a real effort for the first time to make peace with them. For this thought loop, I was fixated on a beautiful and circular pattern being created by a plant in the house (I was still experiencing strangely prolonged and arresting visual effects). It was as if I was being mocked, and told "So? What is your deal? Are you gonna 'ask me a question?' You have to do the work yourself, you stupid fucking idiot" and I felt like a huge asshole (again, this is not to say it was a verbal "communication", but maybe a "back-and-forth" thought loop that had a comedic but positive outcome). I sat back down and this is more or less where the trip came to a close, and we smoked a few joints before going to grab dinner with our backup sitter who had joined us by that point.

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