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12 Grams Of Enlightenment
This trip happened about two years ago. After 7 years of using psilocybin it stands out as unique in depth, intensity and insight. I love The Shroomery and just wanted to share my experience with the community.
I decided to take 12 dried grams. I worked my way up this dose over a long period of time where I tripped once every few months and kept on upping my dosage, seeing how much I could stand. I don%u2019t recommend this dose for the casual or inexperienced user. I built up a lot of trust in myself and the compound over years of experience before this point. There is a great deal of psychological risk involved if you don%u2019t know what you%u2019re getting in to.
I was tripping at home and planned to lock myself in my room for the whole day so I had a controlled environment with no distractions. I steeped the mushrooms in water and drank it as a tea, then waited in anticipation.
The come-up was extremely overpowering. Typical body tension, anxiety, racing thoughts, fast heart rate, purging, very uncomfortable in both body and mind. I was forced to lie down on my bed. Massive jolts of energy ran through my whole body from head to foot. The awareness of my inner body became very intense - I could feel the valve in my stomach opening and closing and food moving through my intestines.
At one point I got up from my bed to attempt to walk to the washroom. I almost didn%u2019t make it to the door. For only the second time ever in all my tripping, I was so skullfucked I was having trouble physically operating my body. The attempt to walk was bizarre, disorienting and difficult. I did manage to get it done, thankfully.
My memory of the later parts of the comeup are a bit blurry until all of a sudden THERE I WAS. %u201CEnlightenment%u201D or FULL NON-DUAL AWARENESS crept up on me slowly without me even noticing until all of a sudden it became absolutely impossible to ignore. I have been interested in Buddhist philosophy for a long time and established a meditation practice. And suddenly all my ideas and concepts became a lived reality. The illusion of free will dropped away completely and absolutely every part of my experience became effortless and automatic. Everything was flow, happening by itself, without any need to exert will or effort %u2013 whether thoughts or physical motion, everything moved on its own, of its own accord. At the same time my sense of self-identity entered ultimate synesthesia. I became everything and nothing simultaneously. This was at least the second greatest moment of my life. It was the feeling of complete psychological freedom. Finally free from attachment to the conventional sense of self, of being the man in the machine responsible for keeping everything functioning. Finally I could simply relax and let everything happen effortlessly. I could sit back and enjoy the rest of my life.
I smoked marijuana during this experience and towards the end of the day I was still tripping heavy and I think the marijuana contributed to me becoming delusional. I started experiencing synchronicities in my environment that corresponded to my thoughts. I started to believe the whole world was a simulation, that time was moving backward, that the singularity was about to occur and that I was literally about to enter the fifth dimension and become God. It was a severe mindfuck and not of any particular value to me. As I slowly came down late in the evening I was forced to consider that I was not, in fact, God, and actually quite human. I seriously considered knocking on my roommate%u2019s door to ask him what year, country and universe we were in %u2013 that%u2019s how far gone I was! Having to accept and come back to my sober life was very hard to accept and even somewhat traumatizing. The trip wasn%u2019t bad but the human brain is just not equipped to deal with this kind of intensity. It was like experiencing a year of life in half a day %u2013 extremely abnormal.
After this trip I had an almost 2-month afterglow, best 6 or 7 weeks of my life. Due to health problems I haven%u2019t done any large trips since, but I%u2019m looking forward to getting back to it as soon as possible. Here in my normal life I am once again locked in standard egoic consciousness and it is a burden I am eager to be rid of. I continue with meditation and microdosing and they do help make it easier to bear. I feel a sense of presence and unity that I never used to feel in in my life before meditation and psychedelics. With just a little bit of relaxing and focusing on my experience, my identity merges with everything. The world becomes paper-thin and utterly meaningful.
Happy tripping, fellow Shroomerites!