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Seduced by a rose

3.5 G golden teacher

Hello all!. I appreciate this forum and the wealth of information in it. 
     For the past 6 months, I've had this feeling that I couldn't shake. "My first trip should be with mushrooms that I grew myself!" My desire was growth, knowledge, creativity, and the ability to share my experience, and encourage others....
     After countless failures, I finally succeeded in growing, and I believe I learned a great deal, mostly patience. 
     As I must do this discreetly, I was  very limited in choice of setting.  I chose the one place , I thought would be without distractions, alone in my apartment garage w/hopkins study playlist, and a single red rose.  ...3.5 G golden teacher in capsules.  
     Onset was about 40 minutes. Music started to sound amazing. I caught myself admiring the rose, the beauty, aroma....as  I was smelling, i gently moved the petals across my nose and cheeks, and realized I couldn't tell where the rose ended and my face began. The petals started moving , and dancing, and I  believe I was being suduced!. 
     I've studied alot, about expectations, but couldn't quiet my mind. Outside distractions heard easily through the garage door kept snapping me out of it. Had this weird feeling of drifting off ....continually.....saw my Dad who passed away last year, had this weird feeling, that I was him, and him me.....no self reflection, no insights, no closed eye visuals. Nothing bad either. So my question is ....do you only get these insights and teachings , if you surrender? If you allow the river to take you?  I wasn't fighting anything, im not a control freak, and think I've got my ego checked...FYI, found a friend for my 2nd trip both did 5G, had a fantastic time , but similar results, no insights, no lessons to work on moving forward.  Any responses would be awesome

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