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2g - How to ride the waves
It's clear now for myself how to move forward with each incremental dose.
- The 45min marks are the waves
- Its more like surfing - you are just riding it, not trying to push. If you jump off the board the waves will pound you so don't get distracted.
- Complete stillness, silence, and darkness opens up something else.
Today was great with these guidelines. I have known the 45min mark wave milestone but it is reassuring that it continues to hold with higher doses. My first wave was interestingly not as strong as my 2nd which must have come down to environment and focus. On the 1st wave I was sitting back in my chair prepared and it hit as expected, I focused on breath, eyeshades to keep disorientation low and allowed myself to be the observer of changes of mind. I find myself no longer getting caught up in the "changes" but rather riding the wave is to navigate as the observer and allow breath to be the point of orientation. I removed the eyeshades with eyes closed and allowed the sunlight to hit my eyelids which opened up a vast vista of depth. The 2nd wave was in closet so that sunlight could not hit my blood capillary on the outskirts of my eyeshade adding red hues into my scope. Now the light recedes and there is a graduating depth to darkness that is satisfying. As the ultimate dark is now present and silence is yelling loudly with body numb I began a heros journey in this new space. I got scared because you are gone and the pull on you is infinite - so that you choose how to proceed. If you choose to stay the course you will be disappointed because it ends and then you have to come back with a higher dose. If you choose to pull off the eyeshades to orient yourself then it is meaningful because you made the decision to be you. In other words, 2g is still too low of a dose because you have choice and maybe that is where the meaning is?
I am currently observing that there are classes of conciousness orientation and I wonder if it is worth building on what simone de beauvoir did in ambuguity of ethics with classes of man (by man she means human). It seems like you first have to release trauma, then work on yourself (physical health), then work on your home, then family, then extended family, then community. If you can extend your impact starting with the place of you and beyond then it multiplies, you begin to get scale. The farther the horizon the longer it takes. In other words you are living the future of those younger than you. If you want to change the future you have to focus on the youth and the wake they inherit.
Okay I am at 4hr and 48 mins since ingestion writing this so I know it may not be well articulated but Its what I have for now. I will need to come back and refine these thoughts later (which of course I will not).