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My first trip was just amazing!
My first trip was awesome! My wife was the perfect sitter. She helped me stay in touch with reality, gently helped me if I was uncomfortable or confused. We tried to set up the perfect set/setting and she decorated the room to make everything peaceful. We removed mirrors, adjusted the lights, turned off all electronics and I swallowed 3.6g dry Golden Teacher home grown! (ground into powder and stuffed into a few gelatin capsules.
I was a little nervous but not really scared, I know that this is safe. To remind me though, I wrote down on a paper a few affirmations and honestly they came in handy. I wrote “Relax, you’re safe”, “let it go, go with it, don’t fight” kind of stuff on paper and posted it in plain view. A couple of times I got stressed and when I saw that paper I felt better. My wife also took me by the hand a few times and calmed me. I only had a few moments where I was stressed or panicky.
I learned that because I have chronic health issues (mostly chronic pain) being comfortable is challenging for me even in a sober waking state. I tried to lay in bed for this but next time I think I’ll try a reclining chair. Several times I realized that I was in considerable pain and needed to move position. I also think next time I’ll take more pain relief up front (Ibuprofen, weed). The pain of my body was a bit of a distraction from the experience, still it was profound, beautiful and wondrous.
First thing I noticed was colors getting brighter, the few lights in the room seemed incredibly bright. I laid there awaiting the unknown. I started to feel my muscles get weak, I couldn’t really speak. I wanted to tell my wife what I was seeing in my mind but I just couldn’t get my mouth to work. At some point I gave up and just focused inward. I started to see beehive patterns flowing in and out of my mind. I was hearing my own music in my head so loud and so clearly that I’m glad I didn’t try to play external music, it would have been intrusive. I was hearing Billy Joel’s “In the middle of the night” which I think was appropriate. Look up the lyrics and you’ll see what I mean.
Then I kept coming out somewhat clear and thinking “Oh, this must be the end of the trip” but it wasn’t. I had these little “awakenings” over and over again. I looked at my wife in bed next to me, and I saw her hair looked like a wave for ocean flowing off of her head and out into space. Now, I believe my wife is the most beautiful and special creature in the entire universe (even sober) but the love and appreciation I felt for her in that moment was indescribable. Her body (she was wearing a blue/green shirt) transformed into a butterfly/caterpillar but her face was there (with hair flowing like waves of ocean). It was truly magnificent. I did find myself a little too preoccupied with her comfort though. I must have asked her 200 times if she was ok. Next time, I’ll write it on paper “wifey is just fine, focus on yourself”.
I felt at one moment as though the expressions on her face were seasons. Like winter, fall, spring, but on her face.. I felt I could read her face in a way I had never seen. I think that’s why I was constantly asking if she was ok. I laughed at myself as I looked at me from the outside and realized what a big fat fucking ego I have. I’m ridiculous, really. I had to go pee at this point so I sat on the toilet and looked at the carpet just outside the bathroom. It was like a little forest waving in the wind.. each carpet fiber was swaying and alive.
I started stuffing my face with tortilla chips and then all at once I realized that I have a bad habit of eating mindlessly. Stuffing my face while watching TV or whatever and eating an entire bag of chips without really enjoying or savoring every bite. So, with this realization I ate each chip carefully as if I could absorb all of the joy and flavor. This realization I took with me into the waking state, I’ve caught myself several times now and stopped this destructive behavior. Thank you mushroom gods, that is but one of many lessons I’ve been hoping to learn and improve about myself.
Then I was alert enough to go for a walk, I walked to the kitchen.. I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or if this was real or not (I told my wife). I went outside and noticed all kinds of things about the neighborhood that I hadn’t previously noticed. When I looked up at the stars, they seemed to be communicating with each other with little flashes of light connecting them like neurons in a massive galactic brain.
Thank you so much to everybody at the shroomery who’s helped me to have this experience it was profound and I look forward to trying it again (in a few weeks / months) hehe lol, I’ve got plenty to think about and absorb for now!