closure. . .

**this is a longer report, i'll try to keep it short though**

I awoke in a flash, covered in cold sweat. Throughts rang through my head, was i dreaming? Could it have happened? As my mind came to, i realize it was real, all too real.
The night before was my first "real" trip...

The night seemed to end inocently enough for me. I caught the late simpsons' and went to bed. I was awaked all too quickly by hollow knock at my window, "Hey V(me) are you up?" I, still half asleep, replied in a muffled tone "Barely" "Good, i'm coming in." I knew from the voice that it was Mike, one of my best friends i have had in my young life.

He made his way into my room, and sat down. We then bullshited for awile and he convinced me that since I was about to go into seclusion, to study for my upcoming finals, that i should go out and fuck around. The plan was to go smoke some of my kind and relax in a pool/hot tub at a hotel where one of my other friends worked at. The time was 12:15 a.m

So i got dressed, mike gathered up my pipe and enough cannibus for both of us. We were about to leave when i reached under my bed and pulled out the cullimination of months of anticipation, curiosity, and hard work: my first ever flush of pc shrooms.

"What the fuck?" mike said in a suprised voice, as i muched down about 2 grams of dried shrooms. I could only laugh as i took a big swig of 7up to wash it down, it was the only form of food i ate that day.

We decided to go and smoke up at another friends house who lived about 15 miles away. The car ride there was quite unique, it seemed like we were flying, buy yet it took forever. I didn't pay much attention to this as i put on my jacket, i was developing quite a case of chills.

we arrived at the house to find that no one was home, but we said fuck it and went inside to smoke anyway. (we are all family we don't knock just walk in and chill) I put in our usuall smoke music: Jimmi for mike, pink floyd for myself, but we started as we always do, with black sabbath and sweet leaf.

we were all chilled and about 1.5 bowls between us (that is usuall for us) i was feeling great, but then things went for the worse.

I was in the bathroom when i heard mike say: "josh we have to go, the cops keep driving by" This scared me, i was having these thoughts that were all to real, i could see myself getting arrested and my parents crying, i could also hear a siren, it was all too clear.

We gathered up our shit and decided that the best thing was to go back to my place and chill there. I tried my best to relax on the way home, but i couldn't i was shaking, scared, and worried. I tried to calm myself by putting in "good bye blue skies" by floyd, i was instantly transported into a field, i could hear the birds chirping, but that didn't last long.

I awoke from my trance, looked past mike and as clear as can be i saw lightning, of course it wasn't real, or was it? I asked mike if i just saw lightning, he said chill, your tripping.

we finally make it back to my house, past my sleeping parents, and to my room.
I crashed on the bed, where i would spend the rest of the night. I was finally able to relax, and enjoy the power of the mushrooms. it was 2:00 am

what i saw/felt can not be described, i felt every emotion i have ever felt in my life, but at 10X to make things better/worse i would see things in my celing that would accent this: for example when i was frightened i saw the pile of bones on the rob zombie cd, at this point i could only hold on to my pooh bear for comfort, i didn't know what was happening.


I entitled this report "closure" because of the strongest emotion i had felt: heartbreak. It was an ex-pseudo girlfriend that wanted me to trip with her in the first place, she planted the curiousity. I had fallen for her, she knew that, but it didn't matter, she was fucking someone else and lying to my face. This was about two months ago, irronically i ran into her and her fuck while getting supplies for my mushrooms. She was all over this guy, she looked at me with the fakest smile and asked me how i was, i just said fine and walked away, the significance of this was huge since i always told her that she had a great smile, i'm a sucker for a great smile she knew it and used it aginst me. Kinda off track, but essential information to know what i was thinking.

I realized that i had spent the last two months crying over a callow whore, plain and simple. I was better than her, i'm better than that guy she was with. I had put her on a undeserving pedistil catering to her every want, and she still fucked me over..FUCK HER!

But i guess i have to thank her for introducing me to shrooms, it was the defining moment of my life thus far.

"v, snap out of it man" i awoke from my trance and looked at my clock 2:10, 10 min. thats it? it seemed like hours.

I then went back to the celing that i found so dear, this time it had a pink pattern, spinning around my fan..come to think of it every thing was moving, my jerry rice poster, my carpet, everything.

I must have stared at these things for hours, i didn't even know mike was around, i was in my own happy place. Mike flipped to cartoon network (a personal favorite when affected by chemicals) it was great, everything on the tv seemed to real, the strange thing was that everyone had blue alien eyes, too funny.

mike finally left and i had one of my better nights sleep that i had in awhile, it was worth it..