Well work has been very intense for me recently and I just wanted to share a few 1g experiences over the last month. Usually, I try to take 1g dried on a Saturday or Sunday morning when I am off of work to reset myself from the work life experiences from the previous week. The point for me is to enjoy the experience of the moments with my family over the weekend vs. the narcissistic concerns of the upcoming work week; this has been a good strategy and I will continue - maybe indefinitely.
As mentioned in previous posts, I continue to also find success with 0.30g when I go for long runs (7-10 miles). I can let go of my concerns on how my body is feeling while running and embrace the fullness of nature during the run as well as new ideas and/or perspectives will naturally present themselves more easily.
Now let's get back to the 1g lessons over the past few sessions. Last Saturday I had ingested one of my larger mushrooms (golden teacher) where only a 1/3 of it weighed in at 1g dried. Roughly a 1/3 of the cap and 1/2 of the stalk. I had ran 5 miles that morning with only coffee and a scoop of chocolate protein powder (no carbs). I have had mixed experiences (sometimes strong other times light affects) with golden teachers recently, compared to my previous batch of albino whites (stronger) and with little expectation I assumed it would be a mild onset.
Unexpectedly, the 1g hit me pretty hard. The traditional buzzing in my head, like a 5g session, was increasing and my overall uncomfortableness was also causing me to squirm. I am starting to visualize this experience now as the melding of vibrations within yourself that once the vibrations merge then you breakthrough to a calmness. I like the analogy of Jodi Foster shaking violently in her seat as she reaches orbit through the wormhole in the movie "Contact." It is not until she unbuckles herself that she is released from the violent attached chair shaking to then experience complete serenity and free float within the spaceship. The idea is similar when your body is building up this energy that when you allow it to unite with you it releases you to a very calm and stable state. So I use the phrase "lean in" to help me remember that is why you want this experience, to break through to the stable state of widened senses. I have also had experiences where I really struggle accepting that build up and perceive it as uncomfortable which usually results in a session I just want to end as fast as possible, almost like I missed the opportunity to unite with the vibration and now stay slightly out of alignment.
I'm not sure why it was so strong this time, maybe it was due to not having had a 1g session in a few weeks, maybe because it was one of the largest mushrooms I had in my container that I used part of (higher psilocybin content per mg correlated to mushroom size?). Either way it was welcome. A couple of things I am becoming more convinced by as a result of this session and others previously as they began to stack on each other:
- There is nothing to solve! - I'm not sure if we are all wired this way but I have always been under the assumption that I could map the experiences. However, I am finding each experience is so different (over 100 sessions now) that I can now only assume the different experiences is the value of psilocybin. In other words, the false pretense I enter with mushrooms is that I can propel knowledge in our community forward but when I come out of it I find it is the chaotic and personalized nature of the experience that is its true value. There are times during the session where I wish I did not take the 1g, but EVERYTIME at the 4hr mark I always appreciate what I learned and that I actually had enough courage to take it. It is a strange paradox wheren everything is so ordered in your everyday life filled with routine, and what you think is real. Then you take psilocybin where you enter chaos and it makes you question everything which is both liberating as well as confusing. I like the analogy of the movie "Phantom Thread" with Daniel-Day Lewis, where his girlfriend picks toxic mushrooms in the forest and he ultimately succumbs to ingesting at some regular frequency to make himself sick to check his ego and make himself dependent on her care. This to me is about how special ego's (maybe highly logical) can be eccentric in the world towards whatever they do but it comes at a cost, specifically how you can treat others in a negative way because logic is suppressing empathy. Psilocybin acts as a counter agent releasing you from that identity to see things as they are from a species and beyond level; and in my experience when you disconnect from yourself and see your circumstance from a global and cosmic level you have no choice but to have empathy for those around you.
- Do the best you can to help others (other you's in the world) be their best self. Sounds a little cheesy but if you work under the premise that you are the manifestation of a fractal part of the divine as we all are and carry a chain of birth and rebirths on our backs called history then would you not want your next return be to a world that is better than you inherited? I personally feel there are so many meaningless distractions that we are carelessly giving our awareness and attention too that most of the population thinks there is nothing they can do to change the world, when in fact all they have to do is help those immediately around themselves and that is enough. The problem in my opinion is that we all carry pain in our lives and we forgot how to shed that pain so that we can become "activated" in the world to be a generator for good to those around us. Most people (which I was included in at one point) it seems to me are searching for that cure through alcohol, nicotine, opioids, anti-depressants, sugar, money, drama, vanity, etc. The ONLY cure I have found now is psilocybin.
There are more points to share but I can see this is getting long so let's stop here for now.
p.s. Christopher Bache I think has it correct with his new book on diamond luminosity. I like his conception of the future. Specifically, if you are returning to this world in future lives how would you act today?
Also, I have been listening to Slavoj Zizek recently with an alt-left perspective that I think counters nicely to Jordan Peterson alt-right views. The idea that either one is correct is absurd but rather a continuation of the dance that everything has its opposite. For me the value is where they cross the same line which seems clearly that people need to take action (hierarchy climb - JP OR a collective no action - SZ) if we want to set direction for a future that is better than the present. I translate this into - we have to break habits to form new chains of experiences in our personal lives that can add both meaning and unexpected synchronicities with new opportunities for growth and perspectives.