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Threshold Wonderment

Small amount of DMT

I wish I had more to say.


I just came out of my second DMT trip ever, the last one being 2.5 years ago. Both were very (almost embarrassingly) short-lived, even by DMT standards - under four minutes. Neither dose was measured, but I suspect both were fairly low, maybe 10-15mg. Next time, I'll have a gem scale, but this time I just eyeballed it like an eager haphazard cowboy. I wasn't afraid of no spooks (yes I was). I was just fed up with waiting, and decided to go for it. My first attempt with the machine failed. I saw some vapor milk up, but it wasn't enough to even give me a threshold experience. There was nothing left for a second toke. About a half hour later, I got the nerve up to reload the coil ball with twice the initial amount, determined to get something this time. I breathed deeply, reassured myself, and struck the lighter. I pulled softly at first, and this time saw a healthy white cloud of vapor fill the chamber. Like a total noob who doesn't smoke anymore, I instinctively let off the flame. I quickly realized that was a mistake, and restruck it and continued to pull. I took a lungful and held it for about 12 seconds. I could already feel it hitting me, so I sent that breath out and went for another, only the next pull yielded nothing - it appeared I had one-hit-cashed yet another load. [Cue Forrest Gump narration: "If I'da known that was the only hit I was gonna get, I'da held it 5-10 more seconds."] By this time, alarm tones were sounding off in my head telling me shit was about to get real, so I sat the machine and lighter down on a plate on the coffee table that I had inched right up to the couch, and settled in for the ride. I was lying on the couch with my torso propped up at about 45˚ with my neck and head supported, comfortable AF. And away we go...

Trip Report:
(Slightly notated transcript of a stream-of consiousness voice recording)

*Stifled giggle, coming out of the trip*

Alright, so let's talk about it. Umm, I saw... I closed my eyes - I felt it coming on imminently. And I saw what seemed like the outline of a monkey face (note: perhaps due to the phenomenon of pareidolia, based on the last few contours I saw when I closed my eyes, or it could have been totally formed by my mind) *laughs* that was made up of thousands of little squares. And he was, it was orange and yellow and red. And [the squares were] just kind of warping and flowing inward from all sides. Around this time, I started to get a little excited, because I felt like I have felt before deep in the peak of a shroom trip, where I was transported into a different, all-knowing (yet somehow confused) mind for a split second, but then I was right back to watching the monkey face (maybe I never stopped). I was not in a tunnel - I was expecting to be in a tunnel, but I was in this black head space looking at this strange image (in retrospect, it could have been my version of the "chrysanthemum," but I didn't even consider that at the time). I was a little bit scared, and I was thinking "this is it, this is it!" and I had to remind myself to breathe. I could still breathe; I never lost myself - uhh, didn't lose my ego. I could hear like a weird ethereal, kind of a drone, like not really musical, but just a drone. And this monkey shape kept *giggles* kept uhh, morphing. It was bright red, orange, and yellow. All these tiny little squares, and they were just like flowing, and kind of melting. And, uh, this was actually a very short trip, and last time, it was a very short trip as well - it was under five minutes. And so, around a couple of minutes in, I was telling myself to breathe, telling myself "be happy," *inhales* breathing, and I realized that (???). Oh also! Parts of my head were - felt warmer, and so I was like, trying to lean the other way to get into another side of my head *laughs*. I was like "man that side is warm. I'm a little hot over there, so I'm trying to like get away from the heat in my own head." And I thought, at one point I got a little overwhelmed, and I actually thought, uh, like I wanted to close my eyes, but my eyes were already closed, and I was like "Shit, I can't close my eyes any harder!" *laughs* And uh, the light from the lamp that was near me started creeping into the corner of my visuals. And, so I just closed my eyes and I was like "Wait a minute, maybe I can close my eyes harder," because it got dark again. And I was like "Is this it, is it slipping away?" And it kind of, it was starting to leave. And as it was leaving, it was like I could feel the DMT not activating my brain's receptors as much anymore, little by little. And my visual of the monkey was gone because I had opened my eyes and closed them again. But I still saw all these tiles - these were four-sided tiles, actually. And, I was expecting hexagons from last time, but these were square or rectangles. They had been slightly three-dimensional and shiny before, but now they looked cartoonishly two-dimensional and closer together, separated by hard black lines. Around this time, I started to realize that I wanted to be closer to the image, but I was getting pulled away from it - it was fading. I wasn't ready to come out of the trip yet, so I willed myself to stay a little longer, but from a distance. And the tiles turned small and kind of light purple (lavender), and light blue and grey, and I think maybe white. And it looked like an incandescent light bulb had exploded, and multiple thin grey filaments were extending out very far into legs, with little purple balls for feet. And it started walking, just very slowly, kind of creeping. And uh, *laughs* by this point I kind of knew the trip was coming to an end - the peak was over. And then, I could just, I kind of felt and sensed that the DMT was fading, which personified in the form of, kind of this big white-grey ball with a purple and black clown face drooping and dripping off of it. And this could have been scary had I been inclined to be scared, but I was not scared at all. And it turned to me, and just kind of looked right at me, and just said "I think we're done, boss," and I opened my eyes and giggled.

I was so proud of myself for going through with it, and even though I didn't break through, it was still an overwhelmingly beautiful experience, and I can't wait to try it again soon, under more measured circumstances.

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