First Time Insights (3g Fresh)

First time trying mushrooms. 3g Fresh estimated (0.3g dry equivalence)

In April 2013, I was able to get my hands on some freshly-picked Psilocybin Cubensis mushrooms (Cambodia strain grown on cakes, from spores - if that's even relevant). They were picked right off the cakes. 

Times listed below are approximate. I was only using mushrooms.

3:00 PM: It was a nice sunny day, and I was off from work with no obligations. I was alone at my parent’s house. I took a few mushrooms and chewed them. I was apprehensive/fearful with the effects of mushrooms back then, so I simply chewed them and swallowed the juice for about 1 minute per mushroom. I finally got the guts to swallow a 1 inch piece of stem (3-4 mm thick). I popped in my ear buds with music playing from my MP3, and went for a walk.

3:20 PM: The first thing I noticed was that I wasn’t self conscious in public like I usually am. I normally have social anxiety, and I think everybody’s looking at me and judging me. That didn’t even exist now.

I was able to flow a bit of freestyle in my head (I can’t freestyle normally - I am not a rapper haha). My mind quieted down, and everything such as the “space” outdoors seemed to appear a little wider. A lot of things, like my inner voice and some belief systems, seemed muted. My mind was thinking very clearly, and in a more “real” way. These effects were subtle, but I definitely noticed them as I am an introvert. I had a slight energetic and mild stoney/anxious effect when the mushrooms were peaking. I did not feel impaired with these effects.

4:00 PM: I felt really clear headed, and not impaired in the least. I decided to drive (bad decision on my part, as I know one should never get behind the wheel on mushrooms). I felt an overwhelming urge to connect to people, but my normal default social skills were not there as much. I was my true quiet, awkward self. I felt a sense of loneliness and a strong urge to connect with people on an individual level.

4:30 PM: I went to a friend’s house -“Chubs”- and I hung out with him in his backyard. I kept smiling a bit, and I thought that he looked absolutely hilarious. The messed up hair on his head reminded me of a crooked toupee, and he seemed a bit more amused and smiley than usual when he looked at me. We just made small talk, and he told me about his old classic cars that he was fixing up. The way I would normally interact with him was not all there - and I felt like I was being the “real me” that I didn’t even know existed. It was if my slate was wiped clean, and I was a “blank slate” …in a way.

5:00 PM: I went to Walmart to meet another friend -“JM”- and to connect with people from my town in general. While I was walking into Walmart, I felt like my sense of self was reduced, and I was pretty much an observer without my usual strong “identity.”  When I arrived in the store, my friend was in the back working, and I saw my main manager and other familiar faces. When I saw them, I saw them the way that I perceived them when I first met them. I realized that they are all pretty much strangers that I didn’t really know, and had no real business with them outside of our work roles (mainly with the manager chick). I tried talking to people, but I had no social skills to back me up. I felt a bit awkward and out of place. Even though I wanted to connect, I couldn’t. They just looked at me funny for talking to them.

5:20 PM: I left Walmart and went for a cruise on the countryside - out of town. The outside space seemed wider, like my peripheral vision and spatial perception was slightly tweaked, and I perceived more accurately how wide the road and sky was. I appreciated the beauty of the sky more than usual. I wanted to travel to the city nearest to me, San Antonio, and have some fun messing around with strippers that I knew from there, but normally would hold out on because of money $$$. Never going, I came to the realization that money is meaningless, but using the “left side” of my brain so to speak, I realized that I had to save it because it’s my security blanket, and this thing called money is required to do anything/live in this money-based system. 

9:30 PM: Nightfall came, and my friend “JM” just got out of work. On my way to meet him I felt a deep sense of loneliness that caused some anxiety/depression/desperation/fear. Nighttime makes me less happy and more scared than day/sunshine, and my mood shifts. I thought about how I usually quench my loneliness by watching YouTube videos, movies, and “interact” online. I realized that I would be alone in a room by myself, and that I’m just watching pre-recorded pixels/moving still 2D images (frames) on a flat screen coming from the electrical pulses of a cable from the wall. The negative/fearful emotions were uncontrollable. They were not overwhelming, but I could not contain them nor go back home to the loneliness in my room.

10:00 PM: As I waited outside Walmart, my friend arrived. I was so glad that he was there for me to hang with. When I saw him, he appeared to me just like he did when I first met him in 2006. Any preconceived perceptions of him were “reset” to my first impression of him. I then followed him to his house, and we drank some Icehouse beer. I usually like it, but after a few sips my taste buds registered the alcohol as a poison that was nasty and very hard on my body, and bad for it. I only drank half of the beer. 

11:30 PM: “JM” then had to take apart the center console/shifter area of his car. I am one who usually takes things apart and has trouble putting them back together. When I helped him work on it I wasn’t afraid, but very curious. I am normally impatient, but now had all the patience in the world. I got into it, and everything was so easy and fun.

After that night, I still felt “reset” and had a blank-slate feeling to my life. Even though I had my social skills back, the “real me” was out from hiding in my unconscious. My life felt reset. For 1 month afterwards I was very curious and everything seemed sort of like seeing it for the first time. My brain had quieted down the inner noise, and I wasn’t on the fixed “timeline” of my usual life anymore. It was a mild but effective/profound experience for me. The change lasted about 6 months until I settled in to another mindset/lifestyle.

The next time I do mushrooms, I will dose them accurately with a scale, definitely not drive, and have a set and setting prepared. I plan to take them in tea form, and start at a Lvl 1 dosage. I’ll work my way up to a Lvl II, and maybe a Lvl III dose someday. The experience for me lasted about 9 hrs. I’m sure half of the “trip” was just the aftereffects though.