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1g - micro purge, death, re-birth

LessonsofYawns



Yesterday was my 1g dried weekend day.  I like what Peterson said (although I am not a Peterson groupie), that we need to test the limits to be truly alive otherwise we get stuck in habit and a life of habit can lead to a life unfulfilled.  Peterson would call it line between order (yang) and chaos (yin), TM would say habit (order) and novelty (chaos).  My point is that 1g currently provides the novelty I need in my life and it does a fine job if I plan properly.  

So I am excited to share that I am finally experiencing a very stable transition at the 45min mark, not because I did not know what to do, but because I have been ruling out many other set and settings that I thought could equally be helpful but have proved not to be.  

Here is my proposition (not a unique one): Be symmetric, still with eyes closed, and silent (or at least nonverbal background music) at the 45min onset!

There is a very consistent purge, death, and re-birth cycle even at the 1g in my experience.  I always have to go pee (purge) before the 45min mark, sometimes poo if I did not eat well or within the last 4-6hrs.  At the 45min mark (and during the next 15min) if you focus by sitting symmetrically, being quiet, and still with eyes closed you can let go of your body and mind more easily (death).  Finally, after the 15min of dying, so to speak, then you are reborn at least for the next 2 hours in the experiences and thoughts you can have.

Now, what I don't find many people talking about is the come down.  TM says that it is the only drug that makes you feel better afterwards than during, I would argue that it does both make you feel better AND has some negative effects but the positive outweighs the negative.

I would like to talk through some specifics on the premise above so if you do not wish to read I understand but if you are wanting more details then keep going: 

PURGE:
I look forward to the pee before the 45min onset, it is a psychological trigger that my body is preparing for the transition.  It also is a reminder that I need to have water nearby.  In the higher doses ( 5g to 10g) you have to keep water nearby because you are peeing a lot.  I like to associate the two activities, when I pee - I drink water..simple.  When I poo I do not eat anything to replace the food because I could go the entire day without eating and the mushroom is an appetite suppressant so it is not a desire anyways.

DEATH: 
This is the hardest stage and one of the reasons I keep coming back to the experience.  Its not that I want to die or escape my life as I have a wonderful life with a loving wife, a kid, loving parents and siblings.  I am successful at work and no longer have to worry about money living paycheck to paycheck.  So I always have to evaluate the "Why" am I doing this.  The simple answer is that improves me.  How it improves, is the complexity that is the experience.  Let's talk through the physiological experience first.  At exactly 45min there is a loud buzzing in your ears (major amplification at higher doses) your senses are opening (check out psychedelic information theory book by Kent) and you can make it more intense if you focus on it and try to become it.  If you fight it which I almost naturally do in small ways each time, then it becomes more uncomfortable.  An example of fighting is twitching and physical uncomfortableness in the way you are sitting, where you are sitting, itches on your face or body somewhere, energy in your hands and arms wanting to move...all of these physical manifestations of letting go are natural.  What you have to do is sit symmetrically, which is why I like the lotus pose but I interlock my fingers and put my thumbs together so as not to allow any finger to get out of line.  If my feet want to move then I put both palms of my feet touching each other toe to toe as to be one unit.  I don't like laying down on the bed because my tendency is to move all around and eventually ball up.

Once you are symmetric - then focus with eyes closed.  I have an eye mask which I use about 50% of the time, other times I am facing the sunrise, both have excellent visuals as your project your thoughts on the back of your eyelids.  The concern now is sound.  Complete silence can be difficult in the day which can disrupt your focus and create a reason to disengage and then it all goes to shit so combat that with tones like flute, piano can be too complicated, tibetan bowl sounds work nicely, nature sounds if it is rain or water but not crazy amazon complexity.  If you choose music with words then your attention will go to the synchronicity of the messages in the song and throw you down a rabbit hole which might be fun but I have found over time to be non-productive absolutely.

So here you are sitting symmetrically as still as you can, eyes closed, and probably flute meditation music through your headphones.  Now comes the fun part.  Your entire body goes numb (if you are still); it is better than isolation tanks in my opinion.  Your attention goes inward, keeping eyes closed you begin to project your thoughts visually and/or you can go places in your mind.  A simple example of traveling might be me scanning my house from entrance to backyard and thinking about which area of my home could be more enjoyable, type of plants, placement of pictures/furniture, how guests my perceive our home.  I can also more freely project my thoughts through that of another, example: I might think how my family is perceiving me based on some of my recent interactions both positive and negative and what I can do to improve on them.  I think about how I can be a better husband and father through their lens on my actions and priorities.  I also freely associate what things I might need to truly make life better, it might be color in plants for the front of our home, foods that can make my body more healthy, what routines are needed to be more knowledgeable of others and the world.  This is a small snippet of what is experienced during this 15min transitional period but it can feel like hours.  

I have had many mistakes in this routine and only here trying to narrow down the most important parts for direction which is probably not new to you but at least for my records this will be a good reminder to continue repeating as the most productive route.  There is no need to get scarred about not feeling your body or loosing a sense of place in space (what room your are in); all of that is necessary in order to free your mind to explore thoughts more fully and completely.  Like clock-work (because I time every session on my phone) at exactly the 15min mark of completion I naturally open my eyes and return to a higher plane of reality and I am very stable in my surroundings and identity but also enjoying freedom in idea generation.

RE-BIRTH:
This is 1 hour mark.  You have traversed the 15min phase shift and had a breakthrough into your current reality with insights and tasks to complete in the world.  My first physiological experience opening my eyes is to the brightness of the world.  I love to go outside at this point and feel the air, the sun on my face, the warmth, the grass, trees, and plants.  Your visual acuity has increased so looking closely at plant leaves can reveal a wonderful world of symmetry and beauty.  The aesthetics are enhanced through the widening of your senses and another reason I continue coming back because it remindes me of the "Awe" in the world.  The next hour is really about experiencing the world and your surroundings, the grass on your feet, the water from your shower hitting your skin, the smell of your home (good and bad), the love of your family and pets..Amazing!  I believe your brain is operating much faster during this hour of re-birth and thus time is sensed to have slowed down, normally this hour can feel like 3-6hrs of experience and with that comes many ideas of ultimately how to live a life that is good, it certainly has for me.  I also have to mention I have no desire to interact with technology, in fact it gives me a disorientation that is uncomfortable which actually repels technology from my interest.

The 2 hour mark.  My senses are still opened but not as much.  I no longer see the waves in the grass.  I have to go pee again and drink more water.  I'm usually stretching here and feeling the muscles in my body exert the built up energy. 

The 3 hour mark.  I'm usually wanting a new setting at this point.  I'm ready (and able) to go into the world.  I am very patient with others both drivers on the road and immediate family.  I want to have experiences with my family and enjoy their company.

The 4 hour mark.  It feels like back to baseline but I know the subtle effects will last at least 48hrs.  This is a really important moment that I have almost everytime; which is, WOW it has only been 4 hours and I still have most of the day left.  Sometimes that is a positive like it makes the weekend much longer and thus more rewarding before going back to work.  Other times, it makes the day feel too long and I resort to trying to speed it up with watching netflix mostly.  It is weird but having too long of a day can be too physically demanding and has a backlash of sorts where I feel like I have not eaten most of the day so I catch up with bad food habits or I am seeking a return to my identity more quickly and just need more time to pass more quickly.  

THE RETURN:
Finally, here is the current work I have not done well with, the return.  After 4 hours I can either have an amazing remaining 24 hours or a not so great 24 hours.  I do think I am better after the 1g session for sure but towards 12hrs after the dose I can feel very tired which I combat with caffeine normally and that can help close out the day in a productive way but then I pay for it the following day.  Today, while I write this, it is my day 2 and I feel very good, I am typing on my computer with the sunrise on my right cheek and my hands and it feels very good.  However, when I reflect on other "day 2's" they have not always been good, I have wanted to sleep in more that day to rest and integrate my new thoughts, I am exhausted and just want to close inward.  I'm not sure yet how to make day 2's consistently positive so more work still to do.  I think the direction is always to rest on day 2 but how to rest or specific activities within rest that can optimize the day I have yet to define.  Day 3 however has always been positive, so I think narrowing down Day 2 for integration and rebalance is important.

Thanks,

Lessonsofyawns@gmail.com

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