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1st-5th Trip

Golden Teacher 4g Dried

First post. 

I've had a stressful job for about 3 years now, and it pays well. Fixed my financial issues, got debt under control. Stable relationship. Not much to complain about. So, wanted to work on myself. CEOs micro dosing got me interested in mushrooms, and the effects on the brain that help with inner reflection sparked my curiosity. 

So, I ordered a kit, and got after some growing. 

1st trip - about 8g (I generally just jump into things) - Knocked my on my butt, not going into much detail on this post. 
2nd trip - 1g - Mild body high, and not much else. 
3rd trip - 2g - Some euphoria, very little visual effect, and not much else. 
4th trip - 3g - Some patterns when looking at walls or my skin, attention to TV was pretty good. Lots of self reflection.

5th Trip - This is what I'm here to talk about. 4g - 

During my first trip, I had what felt like flashes of time travel to when I was a teenager, in love with my first girlfriend, and invincible feeling, and when I say flashes I mean less than a blink. I didn't realize this was a taste of ego death because I didn't know what that was.

Yesterday, I tripped at my house with my wife for the first time and told her all about it before hand. Usually I trip at my apartment a few hours away.

I have incredible energy, feel strong, acrobatic. Brain is on fire, working faster and better than ever before. Visuals come in waves, but mostly enhanced colors, and I see big patterns in a sense that the chaotic appearance of nature is just an illusion of repeating mathematical patterns (my highest math was trig. So, I really don't have the vocabulary to explain this). Here is the important part. At some point during the peak, my old self (about 19) just took over my body, but had all the experience and knowledge I have now. I realized that I am not myself and haven't been for more than 10 years. I have been becoming more and more aware of something subconscious, though being aware of it by definition means it's not subconscious. 

Last year I got on TRT, started eating a little better and working out some, just an urge, no real reason. I quit playing video games so much, and started making myself learn something or listen to audio books at least once a week. Again, no real reason, just an urge. What is the point of all this self improvement? Well, yesterday I think that I revealed to myself that my subconscious has been working under the radar(as it does) that it is trying to do an enormous amount of healing and get back to who I was, that I didn't know was gone. I'm welcoming this change openly, my life is balanced, but I could use more joy. My ego death self is just me at 19. My subconscious must have known all of that when I got dressed that morning, because I was wearing black tall socks, black basket ball shorts, and a black sleeveless shirt. Much like I might have worn when I played in metal bands as a teen. I don't want to be a teenager again, but I would like to let that part of myself catch up to me in the present. 

I put this in the level 2 trip reports, because I feel like at this level I did not hit level 3 visuals at all. 


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