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Anxiety and Mushrooms

2 different level 1 trips.

Hi all,

Wanted to write this in order to share my experience with mushrooms and give back a little.
I will go ahead and say it that overall my experience was not a very happy one, but none the less you should read through especially if you feel anxious before taking any psychedelics.

I was in an overall stressful period of my life because I was overloaded with stress from work, but I wanted to be careful to take shrooms on a good day, where my mind is not focused on work or other life problems etc.
My reasons for taking shrooms was that they could give me a new perspective on life where I stop being so caught up in work and take me to a better place mentally...and just improve my perception of reality overall.

I took mushrooms twice in 2 consecutive weekends.
Grown in-house and took them fresh -about 10 grams each time.

I was anxious before both my trips as this was something new and I was kind of scared of having a bad trip, this is why I just took 10 grams fresh.

1. The first trip at home I took 5 grams out of caution and a half hour later another 5. 
The first trip was nice with slight euphoria, lots of energy, very mild visuals of eye patterns with eyes closed and a better-perceived connection between my brain and left hand.
Insights and good thoughts for the last 2 hours. Spent most of it throwing a tennis ball at a wall and feeling good about it:))

2. The second trip also at home I took a fresh 10g mushroom from another batch (third growth batch from the same container).
Somehow In my mind, this thought crept in that it is possible that this shroom could be contaminated as I read somewhere this could happen....but I tried to pay no attention to this thought and focus on positive stuff. 
Gradually I became more and more agitated and in about 40 minutes I started to feel really uncomfortable and before I knew it I was thrown in a full-blown anxiety panic attack that lasted for the next 5-6 hours.
I have never experienced this before in my life and it was horrible, I felt like was about to die and my body was spasming inside...couldn't sit still, hand a feeling of respiratory insufficiency and it all came in waves. Just when I thought the anguish was dying down there came another wave of terror.
By 1 hour into the trip, I was already trying to induce a vomit so I could get the mushroom out of my system, did this about 5 times over the next hours but of course the psilocin was already at work.
It did help that I was also a bit nauseous somehow because of the panic.
I did not have any visuals or 'trippiness' and I was pretty lucid throughout the whole 5-hour ordeal.
My brother and his girlfriend did a poor job trip sitting me as they didn't take my mental spasms seriously....there were times where I couldn't gather up the strength to talk...and explain what's happening.
I did consider calling an ambulance a couple of times but I hung tight as I did tell my self it will pass in a few hours and I'm just experiencing a bad trip.
And it did pass...
Towards the last hour I also had some Insights and positive thoughts...and was relieved it was almost over.

But I wasn't!! 

If this was the end of it I wouldn't cry about it here and probably be onto my next trip.
The problem is that this experience triggered an anxiety condition that was to last for at least the next 5 months....:(
I had to leave my job and wasn't able to fully function as a person because of this debilitation condition for a good few months after the trip as my anxiety was coupled with mild depression.
I couldn't live in that rented flat anymore as I was depressing to even be in those rooms...I associated the place with dread, emptiness, and darkness.

I realized at this time that I always had anxiety but it was lurking under the surface...as I also suffer from Irritable bowel syndrome for many years.
After visiting a shrink I was prescribed Xanax and SSRIs but I didn't want to take them because I thought I don't want any other heavy substances interfering with my natural serotonin system as the mushrooms already did that probably. So I am on a treatment of daily 'st. john's wort' - a plant which helps brighten my mood a bit.
I also did therapy which helped show me some small traumas that I was carrying since childhood...but that I a long process which is still ongoing.
Meditation helps me a lot as I realized that I am somehow addicted to thoughts and my mind is always buzzing and I was never really living in the present moment and I'm improving.

I am happy to report that my condition has steadily improved over the last half year and this is why I have the willpower to write my trip report.
In conclusion the trip sucked and I wish I never did it...but on the other hand I could say the mushroom showed me that I was suffering from a high functioning anxiety condition and if I would not have made changes in my life like leaving my stressful job etc it would have taken even thicker roots and would have become harder to heal.
So maybe...it was all for the best and this forced me to confront my demons and take steps to heal myself.

Personally, I would advise anyone before taking mushrooms to go visit a psychologist for a few sessions before and make sure he is not suffering from any preexisting mental conditions.
As an analogy...before supercharging your car make sure the engine is ok...or it might blow up...

Happy trips,

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