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DMT, Mushrooms and PTSD

This is my experience with PTSD and self discovery

Good morning fellow psychonauts!

Last weekend was my first experience with the spirit molecule N,N DMT. Id like to start my trip report with a bit of back ground info about myself. A couple of weeks ago i had a massive trip on a tea that i made with 5.6g of subs and it was terrifyingly enlightening and what i now believe to be a very very deep introspective trip. If you want feel free to check out that report and that will help you understand what im talking about a little bit more and put my dmt trip into a little bit more perspective. you can find that report here >>> https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/25341368

For thoes that arnt too keen on reading my last post ill do bit of a tl;dr for you. Long story short my last mushroom trip was what id call a challenging trip and some would definitely call a "bad" trip. after reflecting on that trip id found out that id bottled up alot of trauma from losing a finger in a workplace accident and that i still hadn't delt with it properly and that trip made me realise that i need to let it go so that i can move foward without getting constant visions of my finger getting chopped off, id replay the scenario over and over in my head at least once every day. since that trip ive now delt with and overcome my bad feelings which has been such a relief for me in allowing me to go about my day to day duties. I still sometimes think about it but im now able to see it for what it is and be open about it. I no longer have graphic thoughts thanks to mushrooms.

Now im not going to go into too much detail about the DMT trip because its my own version of pretty much how most people describe it. What i do want to talk about how ever is a phenomenon that i found amazingly helpful for me. Through out my tripping career i have had severl trips that during the final phase of the trip i find my self in some kind of tragic accedent which some have described as an ego death but my "ego deaths" had been so much more graphic and painful then most had described. 

Last weekend i had 6 full blown DMT breakthrough trips. I saw the beautiful world and i met the sentient beings but on two occasions when the drug was wearing off and i was starting to wake up i found myself in car accidents. These were 2 nearly identical horrific car crashes causing me to slowly wake up from the trip. In previous trips on mushrooms i have had strikingly similar experiences with this re occurring car crash theme which untill now thought nothing of as ive never been in a car crash.

after alot of weed and deep reflection, trying to comprehend what the fuck was going with DMT as its already such an overwhelming experience, i had an extreme light bulb moment where everything just clicked and i broke down into tears. About 2-3 years ago my now ex girlfriends best friend was killed in a horrible car accident. This period of my life was an incredibly difficult one as i had never lost a friend and i had little to no experience with dealing with death. this accident caused my ex girlfriend so much heart ache and she was a broken girl for a long time. i had been so caught up in trying to be strong for her and helping her make it through this tragedy, i now realise that i never really got to think about how this accident had effected me. In being the supportive boyfriend i had quickly bottled up all of my own emotions ans pushed them aside so that i would be in good mental health for her.

Her best friend was way to young to die as he died just before his 18th birthday. He loved her so much but for me being your typical boyfriend made me understandably jealous as i was (still am) only young and naiev. although i never hated him or anything like that i wasnt his biggest fan as you could imagine ( rest in peace homie <3)

Now what i think is, is that when he died i felt extremely guilty for no being nicer to him. in short i was sometimes bit of an asshole to him and instead of forgiving myself and accepting that death is a part of life and you cant take back words that have already been spoken, i found it at the time easier to just bottle up these feelings. i have never talked about this part of my life to anyone, ever. And untill tripping on dmt and reflecting on the psychedelic experience i havent even thought about the accident since it happend. 

i truly believe that psychedelics have incredible healing properties. i find that my experiences with them have allowed me to un bottle and face all of my deep traumas that i had brushed under the rug.Letting go of the past has allowed me to move foward with my future with a clear head. psychedelics have taught me to face trauma and be honest with myself and treat human beings with an unfound sense of respect, kindness and humility. DMT has been a truly humbling experience.

thank you so much to anybody who has taken this time out of their day to read my story. i hope this helps anyone in any kind of way. i appreciate and love you all so much <3

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