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Not a helpful trip (protocol included)
LessonsofYawns..this is the 1x/yr trip
Well, where to start. First, I like to go by Lessonsofyawns because my first straight 7 dried gram trip had so much yawning (100's of yawns) that I had to overlay some type of meaning in which I decided that each yawn was a new connection in my brain that was not there before, since I was having new ideas with each yawn so the demand for high inflow of oxygen must be needed for the connection to form. The reason I bring that up is my first trip was definitely the most fun, in contrast now I'm struggling with enjoying the higher dose trips. So let's begin.
A preface, I have had a CBD oil bottle with dropper in my medicine cabinet for at least 6 months, when I first purchased the bottle I was interested in its potential for anti-inflammatory effects to see if it could help me with weight loss as well as potential in deeper sleep. My first week I was taking 1-2ml/day and topped out at 5ml which led to a scary dissolution in my sleep in the ability to differentiate between sleep and reality. I let go of CBD at that point until about 3 days ago where I kept the dose low at only 1ml/day. My general feeling was a sense of more cloudiness then I would like in my mind, sort of a gravitation of my thoughts towards the center of my head and not really productive for my work, so again I stopped but kept microdosing 0.20g dried each day. CBD definitely counteracted the psilocybin, I did not feel the "phase shift" at the 45min mark I am accustomed too over the last 18mos. My first thought was bummer now I have to wait for CBD to exit my system to get back to the enjoyment of mushrooms. CBD and microdosing mushrooms felt smooth but I did not feel clear headed as I do with just the mushroom, definitely not a good combo for using at work, as I forgot names and struggled to prioritize effectively, it also did not help me in conversation like just the microdose mushroom would before CBD was included.
Okay the protocol for yesterday:
- Time 0min: 0.30g - I have always felt the phase shift at 45min and this time did not (last take of 1ml CBD was 3 days ago). There was a small change in perception but barely noticable which I was bummed out about.
- Time 2h 10min: 1.00g - At 45min again I did not feel the phase shift. In the past I have always enjoyed this dose but today, nothing is happening.
- Time 1h 5min: 1.32g - My subjective notes over time has shown for me that psilocybin has a gating mechanism, if you take the same dose no additional effects are experienced only the additional beyond the original dose compound on your dose. In this case my assumption was that if I took another 1g, nothing again would happen; however, if I took 0.32g over the 1g I should experience something different, and I did. At this point I am on a general high with lightness of body but nothing extraordinary is happening, I begin to stare at a prism light for a while but thats about it.
- Time 1hr 1min: 2.18g - It's go time. Energy vibration is building up in my body. I wrote: "so much fun," "some laughter - refreshing"
Now let's talk about what happened next, which some might label bad trip, but for me I have had good experiences and this is yet another experience that I felt prepared for while also really struggled with. At this point I have taken 4.8 dried grams within 4 hours within a steady increase of dose. My 0.30g was to steady the nerves, while the remaining doses was for build up, at the last dose I could not measure even if I tried to take another dose.
I read Tao Lin's book "Trip" a couple of days ago and related to one concept which was finding the "Awe." My journey with mushrooms has been to find the "Awe" or the wonder in my reality.
On mushrooms your ego is being squeezed and a lot of things physiological begin happening including: uncomfortableness, sneezing, emotion, distractions, etc. So, I counteract that by sitting in lotus position as I have found with meditation during the phase shift you can find absolute stillness, I wrote "Body Symmetry = Serenity."
This protocol yesterday was in the morning 8a-12p. I had read that Marina Sabina suggested that taking mushrooms during the day can drive you crazy, but then also I read both of Simon Powell's books and he said he hikes mountains on 5g. At first I did not understand why you could not take high doses in the day, but my now experience is that there is just too much happening and it sends you spinning. At first I was sitting outside on a pillow in lotus listening to sounds, feeling very calm, and enjoying the wonder of nature around me..I wrote "Its is a wonderful relief." Also, "At lower doses you are still thinking about the thinking of the trip, still not yet enough to just experience." - what I meant was you are still the observer or in an subject-object relationship with your reality, the dose was too low to be in a non-duality state.
This is where things get bad for me:
This began at 1 hour past my last dose, which means the 2.62g before the last dose was where all the enjoyment was but now the last 2.18g is kicking in and it was not helpful. I wonder now if CBD had a role to play in the chaos but then I remember my 12g dried dose and many of the same experiences where there as well. I wrote..."trying to put the brakes on" as I started to eat a yam, carrots, and a granola bar.
I went on a tail spin of chaos I could not settle the information in a way that was productive at all. It is a separation of self that occurs but I wrote the following:
- No Rules - I tried meditating, listening to calm music, going into the dark, taking a shower, dancing, singing. I attributed the experience to my hand strapped to a bull and I could not let go, it had me and I would either black out or be emotionally scarred due to the trauma of experienced chaos for such a long time.
- Not Productive - I thought - "Is this my ego fighting?..that's fine I want my identity."
- Straight shot - I have been sold on this latter idea for taking doses (every hour double the dose) but in this case at the higher dose I think just a straight shot at 5g is the way to go if you want the dose, while lattering at microdosing I think is still nice.
- Read your notes..Don't go Back - At this point I cannot shake the chaos nor make sense of it, there is no modeling or any productive work I can do here.
Finally I write "Time get's you out of binds!' and then circled 4p. I knew based on experience I always come back to my identity AND the 4 hour mark from the last dose is the point of return, so I waited it out by doing the following:
I took a shower, I took my temperature with a thermometer to verify I was not dying, I had taken my clothes off because the fabric on my skin was too much information to handle, so I started singing "this is the way we put on our pants, put on our pants, put on our pants" until I was fully clothed. I grabbed a gallon of water out of the fridge (which I had prepped) and had it by me to ensure I did not dehydrate and pass out, and then started singing "Time is on my side" by Rolling Stones. I even pulled it up on You Tube (was not easy) and played it through my headphones about 4 times..then I searched for Funny Terrance Mckenna and listened to him, I laughed a ton until I hit the 3p mark and then felt good enough to get out into the world and go eat lunch.
As you can read, I did not hit non-duality, I did not meet other beings, or learn anything new about the universe. The only lesson I can gleam at this point is that I appreciate the limits we experience in our realities and you can find the "Awe" with mushrooms but use it as a tool because when you start manipulating your reality in the mirror I think it gets a little dangerous.
I definitely don't want to bum you out, but be careful, there were so many times I wanted to make a phone call for help but I knew that I was fine after checking my temperature, still when I was eating the yam I did not have water with me and was not sure how to swallow so you can definitely unintentionally put yourself in a situation where your body my be in danger, I ended up spitting out the yam because I felt it may get stuck in my throat while tripping. Also, on this high dose I went it alone, my wife was out of town. I don't think that was smart, 1-2g would have been fine but if your want to be a psychonaut with high dose you need somebody who is not tripping to ensure your body stays alive while you dissociate.
Okay that's it.
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