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Level 5. 5grams. Insane

Ego death. God. Total abstraction.

Took 5 grams of magic mushrooms last night. This is what happened:

I dosed around 11:30 after fasting for eight hours. I ate the shrooms with dry crackers, orange juice, and water. It took about about half an hour to eat all five grams. I should note that I was nervous about tripping so I went in slowly. I am an experienced tripper and had been planning for quite some time now to dose five grams and sit in the dark and silence for the duration of the trip. I ate the shrooms slowly. By the time I was on my last gram to eat, the shrooms had already kicked in, strong. There was no come up. One moment I wasn%u2019t tripping and the next I was.

I was very scared of the trip going bad. I%u2019m unsure why but the entire day leading up to this trip felt like the universe shouting at me DONT TRIP. All of my friends literally told me not to trip. I flipped a coin earlier in the day. Heads for don%u2019t trip, tails for trip. I flipped it at least five times and it landed on heads every time. Everything felt off throughout the day and it just felt like I shouldn%u2019t trip.  I had been planning this for a while and decided against all of the ominous signs and tripped anyway, with anxiety, nervousness, and great reservation. Not a good way to start a trip. I was convinced it was going to go bad. 

So yeah when I was suddenly tripping hard before I was even finished eating them all it made me a little bit scared. I felt as though I was about to lose myself, which is what I was looking for but I was scared I%u2019d get lost in terror instead of paradise.

As soon as I finish eating the shrooms, I feel this very dark and evil presence. I experience the craziest open eye visual I%u2019ve ever experienced: Another dimension fades into my reality. There are Mayan guards/warriors standing in front of a pyramid. They feel and seem dark and evil. They are phased off. Pissed off that I have %u201Cwoken up%u201D and can see them. I then notice behind the pyramid is this giant Mayan Woman. She exists behind the veil of reality. She is dancing, rhythmically and sensually. She feels very evil and dark. I call her an enchantress in my mind and I get scared and decide to withdraw my attention from her. So I do. But I can still see her massive silhouette dancing behind all of reality. I realize she is keeping me hypnotized. She keeps us ALL hypnotized. The rhythm of her dancing cast waves of vibrations all throughout our third dimensional reality, controlling reality, and hypnotizing is all, keeping us afraid and asleep. This was one of the craziest most surreal things I%u2019ve ever experienced on mushrooms

And then I realized that she WAS my fear. My fear of letting go, my fear of the trip ahead, was controlling me and manifested as a crazy, evil, ancient female giant Mayan Goddess who danced behind reality to control it and me. When I realized she was me and just my fear, she dissolved. The fear left. Everything was good.

Everything was very intense and I still wasn%u2019t ready to let go of my %u201Cself%u201D just yet. It felt as though I was standing in the banks of a wildly intense river. I was about to hop in this river, but at this point in the trip I was still grasping onto the shore, not ready to lose touch with reality.

At this point I was very aware of %u201Chyperspace%u201D or %u201Cthe fourth dimension%u201D or whatever you want to call it. The mental spiritual realm. Disembodied beings floated by me in the nobphtsical realm. One stopped and talked to me and welcomed me to that world. I was then given a tutorial on how to use my mind/being to effect and navigate this dimension. This was also insane. I don%u2019t know what to think about this part of the trip. 

So at this point I felt more secure and comfortable completely letting go. I laid down on my bed, got completely comfortable and pulled the blankets up over my head. I made sure I wasn%u2019t cold or anything. I laid down and let go of my self and my mind completely. I jumped into the wild river and let it take me where it may without resistance. 

Things get hard to keep track of after this.

I died. My ego dissolved and was washed away quickly. My physical body was contorting uncontrollably on my bed. I died and then I awoke again as pure energy/ consciousness/ God. I began speaking out loud, uncontrollably. In fact I think for the duration of this section of the trip I was speaking out loud continuously and without control. At first I just keep chanting and declaring %u201CI have awoken. I have awoken. I am awake.%u201D It felt as pure energy was speaking through me. I had no control over this. I began changing %u201CI AM I AM I AM I AM I AM%u201D over and over again. My physical body was striking and holding poses. Some times my body was uncomfortably twisted and contorted on my bed. Not painful or anything just mostly uncomfortable. Other times my body was placing one hand on my forehead  and performing what seemed like ancient gestures and chanting rituals. I continued chanting I AM I AM. Sometimes I would sing it like it was one long held note. %u201CI AAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM.%u201D

Again I had no control over any of this. It realy felt as if an ancient energy was awoken and speaking through me. as fucking crazy as that sounds. 

It felt raw and intense. It felt powerful and was at first HAPPY to be awake. 

I then realized that I was this energy. I realized I was God. I began to weep and express enormous sadness for mankind. I began apologizing over and over again for the pain and suffering mankind must endure. I felt terrible for creating bad things that cause human beings suffering, but I knew that all things must exist. This is infinity. All things must exist. I realized that God (me) was eternally sorry and apologizing for the pain that was necessary for him to create. For me. For energy. Whatever. All lines between me and God disappeared and I existed as GOD AND one with all of creation. At first it felt like pure raw energy but at This point it felt like a compassionate loving God figure. It (me) began telepathically shouting out to human beings to come and find me and that God would heal the world through me. 

I know this sounds batshit insane. I%u2019m trying my hardest to write the most honest accurate and detailed report of my trip before the information fades. 

I then began talking still out loud, and uncontrollably about how This is the beginning of a Golden age and everything was going to be okay.
During this whole phase here, it did not matter if my eyes were open or shut, I saw all of the same things. My mind and being get lost like constantly transforming energy. Constantly changing. 
%u201CI%u201D was then modulating between all of the different states of energy. I saw how there are many dimensions and realms and I quickly shifted through them. As this was happening, I was seeing the cyclical nature of this whole thing. I am God, you are God. There are times we know this and there are times we forget. I realized we are embarking on a period of knowing this to be true. We will all know it and experience life like that for a while. 

I shifted to this state of energy/being of pure abstraction. All meaning and sense were completely gone. Everything blended and swirled into everything else. This was so weird. 

And then, after being completely destroyed in the stream of pure consciousness, I was rushed back into my body and swiftly reassembled. I was born again. I slowly came to. Turned on the lights and checked the time. 3:30 am

My stomach turned and I ran to the bathroom and shit my brains out  for about ten minutes. It felt like a complete purging of the old me and the negative things that went along with it.

When I went back to my room, I smoked some weed. I got the urge to write and the word s poured out of me. I wrote about ego and god and existence. I wrote about seventy different ways that I could use these experiences to generate income for myself.

I then spent a lot of time thinking of family and friends and sending them all love and fin necessary an apology or forgiveness or both. 

I%u2019m sure there%u2019s a lot more that will come to me but that was basically my trip.

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