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2.5g B+ trip report(s)
Part 2 is what I want to talk most about, so feel free to skip ahead the context at the beginning, if you so choose. I consider myself to be reasonably experienced with mushrooms, and what I lack in experience I make up for in devotion! The uninitiated may find these reports a little unsettling, and they are, but don’t let them scare you away. These are my subjective experiences and I have had many overwhelmingly pleasant trips before these. Even still, everyone has lessons to learn in life through their own experience, and this is one of mine:
Part 1 – the 2g & 1g trips:
I grow my own mushrooms and the lifespan of my B+ monotubs were coming to an end. I have upwards of 10 trips under my belt. Roughly 4 weeks ago at the beginning of the month I'd tripped on 2g B+ from the 2nd flush and some pretty potent weed with a couple of good friends. That was a surprisingly visual, yet challenging experience for me. My previous experiences with B+ had delivered little more than a pleasant body high and some mental therapy (doses were lower at around 1g however, so may just be subjective). These shrooms were from a different multi-spore monotub, and therefore had different genetics. As such I've found this tub to be consistently more visual, even at lower doses.
In this first 2g trip things started off with really beautiful visuals accompanied by an intense body high. Lovely peripheral drifting of objects in my flat, with pineapple coloured kaleidoscopic triangles streaming from my friends' faces. I could see auras of my friends very clearly, for example one of my good friends seemed like a golden panda of goodness. Colour saturation was also very profound and everything was lovely, albeit quite intense. I was having a great time! An hour and a half in, or so, I came into contact with a malevolent joker-like entity (I now consider him to be the guardian entity of the lower plain of dreamland, as I will explain in the later trip). He came out of the speakers in my front room while I was chatting with my friends. Initially I wasn't phased by this at all, in fact I thought it was rather cool. His face was clearly not real, and was made of the same visual colour spots that you see when you close your eyes, yet I would see him with my eyes open. However after we left the flat and started walking to the fireworks, things became much more paranoid, complete with negative auditory hallucinations (comparable to something from the Nosedive episode of Black Mirror). The Joker said nothing; he would just smile at me with his hollow eyes. I started spacing out (my memory failed and I’d flit from one moment of consciousness to the next, unaware that time had passed between each moment). However, my friends didn't notice anything and thought I was still having a good time which helped me believe things weren't getting out of hand. Visually for me that was not the case; I was seeing voids consuming anything that wasn't a bright light. For example cars that were driving by would appear to be missing parts and floating.
When I later saw my reflection my pupils were having difficulty adjusting and appeared to be different diameters. They too appeared to be voids and I felt very hollow, as though my brain had shut down and was running on emergency systems. I felt like I had peed myself, as I noticed the cold on my legs more than elsewhere on my body, yet nothing did happen on that end - I was just being paranoid. This whole time I wasn’t panicking and making the situation worse, yet the trip became more and more confusing. If anything I was just mildly concerned as to why this was happening at all, and wondering if my physiology could handle this stuff still – that may indeed have been all that was required to make things go downhill – there’s no real room for error with psychedelics.
Of course these were all projections of my subconscious and I wouldn’t call this a bad trip, no matter how disturbing it was. I’m very open to seeing what happens with mushrooms but I assumed this was mainly a result of combining weed and shrooms together. I now no longer combine the two, as, after this trip smoking some weed by itself at a party two weeks later, I had a moderate flashback. It was unpleasant. I didn't freak out either of these times and I still genuinely managed to have fun, but I believed the weed really was the culprit of the dystopian trips I was having. It's certainly helped me stop smoking weed though, which is something I had wanted to do for some time.
So about two weeks after that first 2g trip, hoping to get to the source of whatever problems were bubbling under the surface, I had a small trip on 0.5g dry aborts + 1 small fresh mushroom [~0.4 dry weight]. I had intended to try a heroic dose in the coming new year, but didn't want to risk being haunted by demons - suffice to say I felt the need to test the waters a little. I knew I was not following the one lesson I learned from the first dystopian trip – that I needed at least a month off before taking 5g, yet part of me believed that was just my ego resisting destruction and so curiosity prevailed. This small dose was quite an eye opening experience for me, and showed me that underneath my happiness I was in pain because I had been away from my family for so long and I really needed to see them again. It made sense to me, and was a surprisingly visual trip for such a small dose. I spent a lot of time in front of the mirror and sitting on my bed while listening to music, I just let my thoughts flow through me and I was feeling very good after this trip. I began to realise that I just needed to go home, refresh my mind and soul, and wait until there was less stress in my life before tripping again to really tap into the beauty of shrooms once more.
However, that clarity only emerges a while after the trip and so, like the fool I am, I thought that because it was such a small dose I felt I could push things a little and try a microdose the next day. That turned out to be a waste, which left me feeling a little disappointed.
That disappointment, coupled with some other events occurring in my life at that time and the fact I was still worried about the anticipated 5g dose being risky meant I was feeling a bit low for the next two days. The price one pays for impatience!
Part 2 – the 2.5g trip:
On that second day I had had enough of feeling gloomy, I realised that I wasn't ready yet for the 5.24g I had measured out for the new year. First I needed to sort myself out before I could risk it. I knew I would want to see my family again afterwards, and I was going to see them the day after this 2.5g trip, so that was one major concern dealt with. I decided to stay faaar around from weed, dealing with another concern. I made sure to meditate for an hour prior using binaural beats to clear my mind. Finally I invited a close friend of mine over to my apartment, who was new to shrooms but very eager to trip with me, which I hoped would give a different vibe to the whole affair.
He came over and we ate our doses (I gave him a little more than I had to try; ~3g). He then remembered that he had some weed that he wanted to roll into a joint. Just what I needed! I didn't have any papers, so we left quickly to get some, yet I had resolved not to give into the temptation. I picked up something to drink and by the time we got back to mine (about 15 minutes all in all) we were already starting to feel the body load. We made it just in time to the couch to watch some nature documentaries and for my friend to roll before shit started to hit the fan.
We thought it'd be a great idea to watch a documentary about deep sea creatures while we were coming up. Well it could have been worse. It was the most intense and colourful documentary we could have watched, but it was hardcore. There's something about squid, detritus feeders and jellyfish that makes a mushroom body load almost unbearable. Most hauntingly the image of a sting ray devouring a spider crab stayed in my mind. Having rewatched the documentary since the trip, I know I would have found this an unsettling image even when sober. The deep sea with all its creepy denizens probably wasn’t the right thing to be thinking about while trying to get into a peaceful midset. To be honest, the first hour was quite uncomfortable. I think both my friend and I were feeling vulnerable, unable to express our discomfort, but still trying to smile and laugh through the documentary. After the documentary ended we went outside to the balcony and he smoked his joint. Things were getting weird again, and I noticed similar, unsettling things started to happen that happened on the first 2g trip.
First I started spacing out again. Next the void vision returned to a lesser degree than the first time. Finally when we went back inside, lo and behold, I was back in what felt much like a lower plain of consciousness where the guardians of dreamland where unhappy with me for accessing this state (perhaps too frequently with too high expectations and a touch of hubris) complete with auditory hallucinations, the strange feeling of having pissed myself and the presence of the Joker. It wasn't as intense as the first time, it felt more like the fear I had of the previous experience repeating itself was causing itself to repeat again. Yet I was surprised I was feeling this way at all as I hadn’t smoked any weed to bring on this paranoia, so it must’ve come from within. That is something that will take a while for me to integrate, to really find the source of that paranoia. The lack of weed gave increased clarity however, and the strength to overcome the thoughts I was revisiting from the previous dystopian experience (where in my mind I really was in a dream, hiding from these guardians). The capacity to deal with those thoughts head on meant it was easier to see the meaning in the lesson. Honestly there was a point in this trip where the discomfort I was in was so intense I came to the conclusion that mushrooms weren’t for me and that I would be better off never doing them again, because this wasn’t fun at all. That was a very hard thought for me to accept, and I guess I haven’t fully accepted it either because I will go back again when I feel the time is right. When that is I don’t know, hopefully when I’m less impatient and my discipline is stronger. I hope that won’t result in another visit to the lower plains, especially as the next time will be the all-or-nothing 5g. Having been there twice already though, I must say the prospect is less intimidating to me now. We shall see.
After I reached that thought I was able to let go, something I had been trying to do the whole time, yet couldn’t for some reason. During this process we had begun to watch Shrek, one of my all-time favourite childhood movies, and we were at the part where Shrek and Fiona were waltzing around on their way to Lord Farquaad’s palace. From here I knew the worst of it was behind me, and a wave of relief washed over me. Euphoria soon followed. I was able to enjoy the taste of my drink, the colourful cartoonish visuals of Shrek and the feeling of stretching my tired joints from the previous two hours of tension. My skin was now very sensitive and moist with sweat, but it felt like a protective coating of amniotic fluid which is something I rather enjoy in the come-down of mushrooms.
In order to reach the bliss and relief that mushrooms can bring I needed to drag myself through hell first – but it was worth it. I remember saying out loud that what I was feeling at that moment is why I bother taking shrooms at all. My friend must’ve been having a similar experience as me, with much less previous knowledge or preparation for himself, in addition to smoking a joint as he was also a bit shaken, yet coming out of it too. I felt sorry I wasn’t able to give him more support during his trip, but I had barely been able to take care of myself. In the end it didn’t matter, and we were able to feel weightless and blissful together in the remaining time of the trip. We watched another documentary about plants this time, and from the first scene alone I knew that this is what we should have watched on the come up.
All in all I think the reason for the dystopian trips were a mixture of poor set on my part due to stress in my life, and tripping too regularly. Both of those are factors I’ll do my best to change for future experiences. I still love mushrooms, even if they sometimes give you a beating – I guess I needed it. I feel much more grounded and confident now after having confronted my fears. If you’ve made it this far, thank you, stay safe and don’t take life too seriously.
As one final point of interest, if people have had similar experiences involving this joker, void vision and feeling like you've pissed yourself - please let me know, it'd be an oddly comforting thought.