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First Time on 5G
The Not So Heroic Dose
So, I've grown shroomies that caused open eye visuals, I've had the "fun" trips, at probably 1.5G, and a torturous night on Morning Glory (non-poisoned seeds, mind you). I've seen closed eye, cryptic visuals, sacred geometry, graphic and usually serpentine. But only recently had a go at McKenna's advice of alone, in silence, in darkness advice.
I had gotten the mushrooms from a friend. Interestingly, the weekend I got them, the day that I was about to try them out, I got a brutal massage. The massage itself was almost a "trip", and like an idiot, I didn't drink water ahead of it and not enough afterwards, so I was in a lot of pain. This may have made a mental imprint on the mushrooms' trip later that night, because every time they came on, I felt the massage again, DAYS afterwards. These mushrooms were a little visually darker, almost ashy (not sure if that was the darkened spore blasts, but there was a lot) though appeared once to be white. I've had Golden Teacher and B+ before, and loved them. These, however, caused a lot of physical challenges (the vibrating, aching muscles, like you have an advanced flu, was a sensation the Morning Glory caused as well, and were in full effect), along with STRONG broken thought patterns, looping, like I could almost "feel" the synapsises jumping their tracks. I meditated for a half an hour, while they came on, and the instant I got the light show, hit the bong and sat in the closet on a chair, and closed the door. I was washed over with digital lights/symbols/geometrics, fully expected that. Then the STRONG feeling of presence of "another", which was playful, yet certainly of a somewhat "evil" nature. I laid back in the chair, and honestly began to grow bored of the lights and figuring out what patterns I know MY subconscious was tossing in, versus things unrecognizable and alien. So I grew sleepy...
I believe I started to fall asleep, in which case, I saw a hypnogogic light shine in the background straight through the digital streams, as if a movie theater attendant shined a flash light into my face from several yards away, breaking the light show's "illusion", but I opened my eyes, and the "flash light" disappeared, but the digital remained. Having done a LOT of dream experiments in the past, it felt like my dreaming was about to interrupt the mushrooms, but I opened my eyes, which made the hypnogogic light disappear, but of course the mushroom's visuals were still in full effect, even with eyes opened.
I proceeded to have revelations and connections, but didn't like the breaking up and looping.
The above was on about 2 bloody grams. Another night, I returned to it, at about the same amount, and again grew bored by the lights, but instead was starting to get bombarded by more arcane visuals. The snake like appearance of strands of meat pumping out of a meat grinder, but just waves of it and bone. So I said $*%& that, and just experienced the rest with the lights on and with new thoughts. I realize I essentially chickened out, and this may have set the tone for the "Heroic Dose".
I did the same methods as the above, tried to set the "mood" a little (but not nearly enough, and I now respect the idea of set and setting much, much more, as I should have in various ways been preparing for the dose all day. I could've been listening to beautiful music, looked at transcendent artwork, etc., etc. Instead, I just ate 5G, sat in the dark for 20 mins, and when I felt the lights start up, I hit the bong hard and got into the dark closet. I was INSTANTLY pummeled by bizarre and unpleasant visuals. House sized, black reflective bags, with what appeared to be the entire holocaust writhing around inside of it, bones and skulls popped in and out of the bag, which was dropping (along with me) down the tracks of an unnecessarily massive rollercoaster. Blink. Back to the meat grinder. Blink. A massive, demiurge/cruel face flooded my mind, I was not "alone" as Terrance said I would be.
I couldn't "hang", I got up, turned on the lights, and sat up in bed, wrapped in a blanket. I fully expected to start seeing things/people walking out of the walls, and was mentally prepared for that if it did happen, but of course it didn't. I then felt what I can only describe as the Walls of Understanding starting to crack, some-THING or THINGS was trying to get in from without. I attempted to perform some mental exercises that could've held these forces at bay, but it was no use, this train had already left the station and I was on it. I had taken Niacin, a B Complex and Acetyl L-Carnitine ahead of the trip, and couldn't decide if this enhanced the "insanity" or gave me SOME kind of edge against what came next. It felt like a psychic attack. I was sitting legs crossed, slowly punching the floor, trying to hold on to my sanity. No use. I was starting to forget basic concepts, and also felt my own "Self" slipping. I chickened out and called a friend, and hung out with him for what could've been 1 hour or 4 for all I knew. I walked into his room (down the hall roommate) and his television was on, but I didn't remember what those were called, and the very Idea of a "movie" was abstract. "It's one of those things we watch that tells us stories, like these goddamn mushrooms are doing right now) and the movie said, "He's cracking up!" I politely asked for him to turn it off, lol. I tried grounding myself with tactile touch, felt the carpet, pet the dog (who was all over me, clearly aware that I wasn't feeling good). I remembered tales of Opium madness, bath salts and face-eaters. Was *I* one of those people? If this little dog gets in my face at the wrong moment, could I snap it's neck? I asked my friend if he could tie me up (I know, sounds kinky, lol -- but what I really wanted was a straight-jacket, I LONGED for one). I begged my friend to not let me fall asleep, because every time I shut my eyes, the Tormentor was waiting and ready to teach me more lessons, but I wasn't having it. The dog's breath smelled like a rotten fish market, and my mind instantly conjured up Cthulhu. "If you stare into the abyss long enough, it stares back." The smell of purification and "the deep" was strong, and though the dog had left me alone, I felt Cthulhu's breath on my face, and only a confessional screen/lattice work separated me from this presence. I asked for him to play some Enya, and the soothing music (which was warping and "melting" in my ears) helped a lot. Now my mind was thinking of Angels and gods, rather than Demons and devils. However, I was trying to remember the word or words for those WALLS we all have, the ones that had been pulled away, leaving me vulnerable AF against whatever else was "out there" -- oh yeah, the words were Religion, Spirituality, Belief, God. All reduced to a forgotten ideal. I felt like an Oracle, in that, I had thoughts and words that were not my own, and I had to share them. This, no doubt, was the manner in which the mushrooms causes the brain to disassociate and fire in different patterns. Eventually, I went to the bathroom (I won't get graphic, but that process felt like a literal exorcism, with the strange sensation mushrooms cause to the gut/belly, that weird weight they sometimes cause, just dropping out of me like another entity). Showered. Got into some PJs, and crawled into bed.
For at least another hour if not two, I lay in bed being tormented by my own, non-celestial thoughts. Once or twice, I saw some shadows I feared might crawl into bed with me. Previous to this trip, I fancied myself quite the mental trooper. I've been through a lot, seen a fair share, and am an experienced lucid dreamer. None of that mattered. I had crashed and burned, and washed up against the rocks.
The next day, I woke up feeling fantastic. Mostly, rofl.
Turns out I'm not a face-eater, I'm not a doggie killer, and I can at the very least survive all the forces of Hell. I intend on exercising, changing to a non-strict vegetarian diet, studying meta-programing further, and getting better than I previously had been at lucid dreaming, and setting the right mood next time. Yes, despite all logic and reason (and my vows to never do this again), two days later and I'm already certain I will try 5 or above, but on a different strain of mushroom. One I "know" and can "trust". The fear of being poisoned or having mildewed or bad shrooms may have added to the fear of the trip.
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