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youll like this one.
the penis envy ego death. here we go.
one Saturday night a few months ago a very strange thing happened to me that has seemed to have happened to a lot of other people on this "level 5" stage. haha the so called ego death. yes. I was the most freighting and beautiful thing I have ever experienced in my life. i had a Saturday night all to myself awhile back. I didn't really plan on tripping that night honestly but I was bored so I started re watching a Terrence McKenna true hallucinations documentary on YouTube. and I just happened to remember I had a half o of penis envy in the frigde i got awhile ago. so I said what the hell... I might as well try the old McKenna technique (tripping in a dark room alone) and my lands I will tell you what..... I had not tripped on this strain of mushrooms before.(penis envy) only in micro dose. and I could tell from just the micro dose It was strong but i still didn't think it was going to be all that strong. I had a few friends tell me it was a really mind bending and strong strain but I honesty didn't believe them at first. I always thought a cube was just a cube.....boy was I wrong.... anyways, then I ddecided to look up reviews on here about the strain. a lot of people said it was a strong strain. alod of people just said "cubes are cubes" like I thought. so I took there word for it. I only took 2.5 grams of it to try. I usually always take 2.5 of every new batch or strain I get to try at first. even if its a strain I know well. its just something with me. I don't wanna ever over do it on the first go around with a new bag. but honestly I think 2.5 was over doing it with these bad boys. it all started out great llke any other trip for me. not the most colorful trip iv had at first.but the colors where still popping that's for sure ,there would be waves of colors at some points then everything just became super sharp then fuzzy at times.looking at grinded up weed was like i could see it vibrating almost it was so fuzzy and blurry.. sometimes things went grey even. I even noticed when micro dosing my vision would be 20/ 20. and I have horrible eye sight to be honest. But there were a lot of sacred patterns everywhere. like Egyptian hieroglyphs appearing on the curtains in my house.. it was amazing how sharp they were. remember when I started to lose control of my conciseness I guess you would say more or less. I would come back from the wave and would be speaking in tongs at times it seemed. not making any sense in actuality but sounded right at the time.. or it sounded like I was singing a familiar songs in another language but made total sense. it was very peculiar. I remember at one point my back needed to pop. it hurt so bad I just wanted it to crack but it wouldn't. then out of know where it felt like I was a puppet with strings attached to my limbs. I started moving in these weird movements. it was an intrinsic movement that I have tried to mimic again but I just couldn't. it completely aligned my spin and it was felling so much better each and ever next movement it was leading to. I was in a dark dark room pitch black. but within the movements colors came. like extremely bright colors. In such a dark room. I would turn and face one wall do some crazy almost dance like moves and the wall would be red then I would turn to the other wall repeat the same movements and that wall would be yellow.the next would be green and so on. I repeated doing this forawhile amazed by all the colors hitting me in such a dark room. I snapped out of that wave and I found myself crawling on the floor through my dark house and having a thought of being all knowing at one point more or less lol but not knowing anything if that makes since which im sure it doesn't. lmao. but not to impressed by it all. I remember saying "ok. that's it?dosent everyone have this feeling at one point in there lifes? is this really what iv been looking for??? " this is it just knowing and being is it? ohh how I would be so wronge and right at the ssame time. regret sank in. coming back from that I was starting to have extreme anxiety.regretting ever taking mushrooms my heart started beating extremely fast. here is where my mind started messing with me. I'm sure everyone's had it before but I honestly thought I wasn't coming back from this one. then that fear set in of me having another stroke (thats another story) and being the one who died on mushrooms lol but then as my heart keep beatng faster and faster I finally gave up. I let go and died. or so I thought.lol. but at that moment of "dying" I remember thinking was it all worth it? and thinking well this is what I wanted I guess right? to see new dimensions and other realms.you cant go back now.but was it all worth it? then I felt like no it wasent I never wanted to trip again I was so scared... so I went off to die. lol I started seeing flashes of lightning it felt like. i have never had closed eye visuals like these ever unless I'm astral projecting (that's also another story). i literally remember just dissolving into the universe and becoming everything.then I went to a familiar place. I know most people get that familiar feeling when they do mushrooms of coming back to old dream. or familiar places. taste sounds etc. but this place i went to before when i had my NDE's.it was a place I been too before. again not to impressed by it when I first got there I was thinking to myself wtf.. why am I back here iv already been here at least four times in this life times already. I just never remembered it so clearly. and idk why but that made complete since when I came back to think about it because if had about 4 near death experiences in my life.( stroke, almost drowning twice, heroine overdose) and now this I guess. lol but as soon as I realized that it was like I saw every evil and every beautiful thing coinciding with each other. then I sank into the world and became everything and everyone.i became my mom, sister,family, my best friend, his girl friend and their baby that was in there stomach.i think you get the point.. I literally became everything!!. and I mean everything. it was extremely beautiful, scary but beautiful. but right before that remember having CEV's of what looked like red neurons flashing like crazy. that was trippy to me... it was like I was seeing inside my mind literally. then I came back to life it seemed.but right before that i saw a shuffle of imigas of myself and like 12 different lifes i could of lived or led. and i got too choose which one i wanted to live this time around.it was a very mind bending.like I was born again but all knowing.everything was so beautiful.i literally felt like i just had my umbilical cord cut right then. one with the universe finally. I remember trying to decipher what just happened and slowly losing all the knowledge I had just obtained. but i knew it was still stored deep down inside me waiting on the right time to show its self. so I accepted it. I wasn't even trying to remember anymore. I was just so thankful to be alive and happy to be breathing a beautiful breath of fresh air,
I have never done dmt but from what I hear it sounds a lot like a dmt trip. but I again I cant say forssure because I'm still yet to get my hands on some.
this would be a bad trip in a lot of peoples eyes. but not mine. I went on what I call a micro dose term a (resistance day) or "bad day" but for 2 weeks. it was hard I hit a some what depression honestly trying to realize what I had jst gone thru. some days good some days bad but i soon realized nothing went wrong.everything went right. but since then things have been different in a good way.. I am thankful for the experience. it was an amazing one that's forusure. and I would do it all over again :) I am thankful for mushrooms that's forsure!
thanks for reading dudes sorry about the spelling :/
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