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My first trip/ The Transcending Consciousness

Ego Death

My bio provides a prequel to my story. I am 21 years old, this happened when I was just about 20 years old. It was April 17, 2016, just three days before 4/20. My brother in law was fronted an lb of gold cap cubensis from one of his good friends. We were the test subjects basically. I had only had experience with cannabis and LSD previous to this experience. Let me just say that the LSD, nor the cannabis could have ever prepared me enough for what I was about to endure. Fear wasn't something that was holding me back, it was more the thoughts of never having experience with the drug, and not having any preparation to think about what I was about to do. I just seemed to place my ego over my consciousness, as I plunged into the abyss by slowly eating a cap at a time. I never weighed my bag, which was a big mistake. Terence Mckenna has a huge point when he says that you wouldn't think it would be such a bizarre consideration to weigh your dosage before you put your mind and your body on the line. As I said, I hid myself behind my ego as I plunged the caps and stems into my mouth.

I'll never really forget the taste, the indescribable taste of these alien like organisms breaking down into what seemed like a gas. I felt bloated the more I ate, I began burping as gases built within my stomach. The feeling of anxiety came over me for a moment, along with a sudden thrill of chills that spun through my nervous system. I continued eating the mushrooms, one at a time. The whole bag was empty in front of me, as I began to ask myself how I got through the whole bag. My heart was beating, my blood was pumping, I was in awe of the speechlessness that just seemed to come over me. I didn't think about time, I didn't think about people, I didn't think about myself. I just sat in awe of the silence and the stillness of the air while the chills seemed to cool my veins. I was breathing fire and chills were rushing through my veins from head to toe. It was almost as if I had finally achieved a state of superconductivity, where I had never really thought could be possible. 

I stood up, as everyone stared at me.

 "What's wrong?" My brother in law asked.  

"I already feel it." I replied.

My brother in law, let's just call him Tony... weighed about 300 lbs at the time of the experience. His body weight would have already required him to take a larger dose just because his body fat would get in the way of digestion. I didn't have the same problem that he did. I only weighed 140 lbs at the time, I was in shape because I went to the gym on a regular basis and I tried to keep up a healthy nutritional schedule. The mushrooms hit me very fast, and very hard. You see, sometimes we get in a situation with ourselves and we get in trouble. I made a decision to hide my fate with my ego, and when it shattered into the universe like the big bang.... I really wasn't ready for it. 

What happened next is in the perspective of the physical crowd. I couldn't perceive reality for what it was, I couldn't hear the words that people projected, I wasn't aware that I was in the same space as everyone else. From their perspective, it was almost as if the demons had roweled up from within the depths and overtook my physical being. I was screaming, wailing my arms, crying, laughing, there was almost every expression of the human emotion that came from within. I wasn't aware of any of this, again this was only from the perspective of the crowd. I picked my brother in law up from his throat, and I threw him across the room. This is something that can be considered superhuman strength, there was no way in my normal day-to-day life that I would have been able to do something like that. Something completely took over me, something with an evil agenda. 

I kept screaming that I was trapped in a box, that we are all trapped in a box. "TRAPPED IN A BOX!!!! TRAPPED IN A BOX!!!! WE'RE TRAPPED IN A BOX!!!! WE'RE ALL TRAPPED IN A BOX!!!!! TRAPPED IN A BOX TRAPPED IN A BOX TRAPPED IN A BOX TRAPPED IN A BOX!!!!" I literally kept repeating this over and over and over again. With the same message, the same tone, the same emotion, the same shock. It was as if I had gotten myself into an internal war, and there was an external crowd gathering and trying to find the breaks. I was in a state of chaos at the highest degree. 

Now, from my perception.... it may come to you as a shock. Because I didn't experience anything close to what the external crowd had experienced. I had found myself projected from my own body. If you've ever heard of the term astral projection, it is the state in which the being becomes superconductive and he/she projects their own consciousness from within their body into the universe. This helps with the shattering of the ego, this helps with the calming of the individual, this helps lower anxiety and it is really the main goal of meditation, for me at least. From this perspective, you are able to travel within the parallel universe at the speed of light, and you realize in this moment that "you can go wherever your fuckin' courage will take you." -Terence Mckenna

I went from looking all around me to see these beings of light, which just looked like a projection of stars EVERYWHERE AROUND ME. And I could move, I could think, I could hear an internal voice speak.... to waking up in a hospital bed surrounded by my entire family. They were afraid they had lost me, that I had lost my mind. I was afraid to express to them that I hadn't been in such a peaceful enlightened state in my entire life, and I really don't think that they would be able to understand it from my perspective. The chaotic flow of the physical dimension really creates an adverse affect on the flow of the quantum dimensions. 

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