"Waking up is an endless losing what you think you know, like a wave of destruction that leaves nothing, but what is true"
I’ve never tripped so hard in my life, and I've blown out my receptors and stretched the limits of my sanity. I'm not new to this experience, and yet this one is unique enough to feel new. This is still hard to type. For some reason it’s hard to communicate, even through writing. I ate about 7.5 grams of what this dude called “Treasure Cove” shrooms (lmao) and smoked about a gram of weed during the experience. I tripped with a good friend of mine. So we got into his apartment and shut the door behind us (didn’t want his roommates to know about this) and got the shrooms out. We ate them around 9 PM (me slower than him, ha) and then I rolled up a blunt and we walked outside. I smoked and we talked as our surroundings started to flicker with unnatural movement. We went back inside and sat down and watched JonTron and I started to laugh uncontrollably. I had this feeling that I had multiple faces on my head, all with different expressions like mad laughter in one, and anger in another. My friend walked off and then I was alone. The walls were turning really yellow and had beautiful geometric patterns on them. I was focused on this when I heard a voice. It sounded like my own but much deeper, and negative. It was threatening to make this trip into a bad one. It threatened to take away my sanity. It threated to expose my secrets and take away any control I had over my mind. It was really freaking me out. I closed my eyes and I saw a new world with my eyes shut. Mostly white landscape, like if grass grew white instead of green. I saw a figure and tensed up. This voice was personified just as a shadow that morphed around into humanoid shapes. I decided not to listen to this thing and I made it disappear and opened my eyes. I was back on Earth in the room that was previously morphing around and my friend was sitting there with me. I didn’t have a problem with this voice again. It was getting hard to concentrate on the videos. We started to watch some Durhamrockerz Youtube Poop (perfect for tripping for some reason…) and I started to roll another blunt. I realized that I gave the lighter I borrowed earlier from his roommates back to them. They were kinda mad (I think?) about us not sharing shroom, so I didn’t wanna go ask for a light. We decided to walk to the gas station. We were still coming up but the world around me was morphing and I couldn’t stop laughing as we walked up the road. He started talking about some emotional things with me (I recently had a death in my life that’s changed a lot of shit) and it kinda made me feel overwhelmed. I felt like I’d lose my mind if I thought about the bad parts of life too hard. I started to stumble around a little bit but I didn’t tell him about it so I could just make the feeling go away. I didn’t want to feel too overwhelmed again. I dropped the weed on the grass and we decided we’d go back for it on the way back from the gas station, so we didn’t look like we dropped drugs on the ground and were looking for them. We made our descent down this grassy hill and onto the manmade cement weird structure that was the gas station, with all its buzzing. “Oh lawd, here we go” I said. We went inside and went straight to the back for a Coke Zero. We got in line and it was kinda busy in there, so we were smacked in between this Hispanic family in front of us and an entire line of people behind us. I had to be cool. I had to keep calm, no crazy laughter or faces. Oh my god the kid in front of me has most of his head shaved except for the back??? How am I not supposed to laugh at that? I start cracking a grin but it’s crooked because I’m trying to hide my delight at what the Universe has just shown me. They FINALLY leave and I laugh a little more before hiding it again and putting my coke on the counter. “Get that lighter, ” I muttered as I pointed at the Bic lighters. I make eye contact with the lady behind the counter, doing her 3rd shift shit. She’s miserable and pissy. I’m trying not to be too obvious but she knows. I shoot the shit with her, barely. I don’t even know if all the words got out. She’s like “have a good night” “YEP” I replied as I grabbed my shit from her and walked off. Got out of that store and exploded with nervous laughter that cascaded into normal cackling. We reflected on the haircut and the entire experience with various “Did you see that???” chirps and ran back up the hill and found the weed.
We went back inside so I could finish rolling it, and it was incredibly hard this time around to roll it. It was all loosely packed, but still good. We went in the backyard next to this air conditioning unit and I started smoking. The weed was a little weird to hit because I rolled it all shitty, so I got determined and fixed it. Finally, got my smokeable blunt. The air conditioning unit kicked on as I lit the weed. I hit it and it didn’t even feel like smoking. It didn’t bother my lungs at all and I took these huge hits and smoked it really fast. My friend and I were peaking on our trip and the visuals were fantastic. Fractals and patterns spiraling out and turning my reality into a rainbow crystal, jagged wonderland. The trees were frigid and glass looking, their patterns repeating forever. The stars were zooming around. There was heat lighting out (wasn’t just imagining that either) but somehow the stars were still out. Made for a really bizarre habitat I decided to visit that night. So my friend and I get to talking about weird shit, and I get really emotionally invested some theory about how our money has always been based on gold and it’s because aliens ingested it for immortality. He was like “well what about money that isn’t based on gold?” and I thought for a moment. I didn’t really have an answer for that, except that maybe we were evolving. I couldn’t shake this weird, rapidly growing feeling of an epiphany coming on. I thought “Why did I cling so hard to that idea when all I can really prove is that I know nothing at all?” I knew nothing, I was a speck of dirt. A tiny grain of sand on some cosmic beach, beyond time. If I knew nothing, then I am nothing. If "I think, therefore I am" were true at all, then I was toast. I might as well not exist. The space around me started to spin, like a dizzy spell of vertigo but in another language, so to speak. This epiphany was too much. Things were about to get really insane. My visuals got wild, spiraling from all kinds of directions and looking jagged and sharp, but in colors so vivid they were almost new to my eyes. The fractals began to pulse along with some weird beating sensation inside of me and I noticed this strange, white light opening up from the sky behind my head. I saw it first in my peripheral vision and then it stayed as I questioned “Does my friend see this too?” I tried to ask him if he saw that weird light but it’s like I forgot how to communicate. I forgot spoken language and I couldn’t convey body language either. I was still overwhelmed by the nothingness I felt from not-knowing and the white light grew brighter, and brighter, and then it filled my entire field of vision. My friend was speaking to me but his voice slowly faded out and was replaced with this loud roaring, like some kind of engine. I started to scream, but I couldn’t scream with my mouth, only my thoughts. I felt little moans and murmurs come out of my mouth instead. The white light was blinding and I could see no more as something held me down. I could not get back up. It felt like if someone were to take a car tire to the back of your head and rev the engine, but the wheel was made of plasmatic white light. Then it also felt like someone or something was cleaning my brain but scrubbing too hard. Instead of the feeling of 'I'm not supposed to be here', I felt at home. This felt natural, as if some force or being was cleaning out my soul and saying "Tsk, Tsk, look at the mess of a being you are". It made me think of when a child wrecks their house and a parent tends to the mess, annoyed but still expressing unconditional love for their child by cleaning up after it. I'm not sure what that force or being would be, but I could sense something there. It could've been some instinctual feeling, some "one with the universe" thing. I felt totally merged with the flow of not just my home world, but planes I have walked. I was just another jagged turn in a fractal pattern, another crest in an endless wave. Another wellspring of thoughts, of consciousness contemplating itself. A face that blends with an infinite amount of other faces to make up the whole oneness of whatever we are, whatever the Universe is, whatever consciousness is. Nothing else mattered.
I’m dying! I can’t get up and there’s this roaring I hear that I can’t explain! This is truly the end! I thought of how fun my life had been and I was so thankful. “I had so much fun! The good definitely outweighed the bad! I know I’ll try harder in the next life!” and I accepted dying. Goodbye beautiful world, I thought. I braced myself but nothing, just more white light. Then, Planet Earth slowly fizzled back into my sight, as the trees in the backyard manifested themselves again. More and more of my vision came back and I realized I was holding onto the grass and dirt of the Earth beneath me. The roaring was still there and I processed more of my surroundings for what felt like forever and then the roaring stopped so suddenly, it was almost like somebody popped the bubble of whatever weird dimension I got stuck in. What a release! “Ohhh,” I moaned and the relief from that noise ceasing was extremely euphoric. I could finally hear my friend again. He was like “Are you okay? What happened?” over and over but I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t speak about this for a day or so in completion. I got parts out but communication really failed me, especially at first. I don’t remember saying anything except “I’m coming back, I’m coming back” as my soul came back into my body and learned to speak again (or that’s what it felt like…) and I took a while to process everything. I looked down and saw my hands and the jeans on my legs and the rest of my body. I’m a girl. I have a name…yeah…things came back slowly. I knew this guy next to me but it was hard to figure out exactly who he was. I couldn’t remember much, I had to recollect the people I love. It wasn’t too hard but it was eerie that it took any effort at all. At least I was already with someone I was extremely comfortable with. I slowly came back and started speaking to my friend and one of the first things I remember was turning around and being like “THAT! THAT RIGHT THERE!” because I figured out what that roaring was. The air conditioning unit noise had been turned into some kind of cosmic mechanical roar that locked me in place in that other dimension (the white light) by its sound alone. I remember talking more but I don’t remember what about. I think he was trying to get me to stay calm and explain what happened, but it was near impossible. We sat and talked for a while (still can’t remember about what) and then we went inside. I was still tripping pretty hard. We started watching Malcolm in the Middle and I was in a nice place. I kept giggling at the dumbest shit. I still couldn’t explain what had just happened. I was still trying to process it, but got distracted easily by shit. I had the attention span of a baby. I remember looking at the clock and it was about 2 AM. We talked into the night about various things. I had an amazing experience with him, I was so happy to get to do this. I felt so peaceful with my old friend, just chatting like we used to. He’s always been important to me but I never realized how much until this trip. We finished Malcolm In the Middle (it was the episode where the family goes out to dinner with Stevie’s family, lmao! Perfect episode!) and we started to feel the mushrooms leave us. It became easier for me to talk and remember more of what happened, but at this point it was getting late. We were yawning and we crawled into bed and went to sleep after some chatter. I slept for about 6 hours and went to work the next day after eating some lunch with my friend and dicking around at a couple of stores. Work was interesting (I work at an organic grocery store) and I felt spaced out but whole. I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. My normal social anxiety had vanished for the day at least. No HPPD or anything, and the shrooms had a very clean high similar to 1P-LSD, but shorter and with much crazier visuals. Was an overall incredible and pleasant experience.