I've used shrooms recreationally in the past, and have had semi-bad trips, but I have never had a trip like this. It was the scariest trip I had ever had in my life, and likely the last time I'll ever trip on shrooms. It left me scarred.
I was being stupid and careless with the shrooms. I didn't respect them as medicine, and I overdid it because I was going through a hard-time and I wanted answers. I never thought that a trip could go so wrong. I planned for this trip for a week or so. We had the entire day off, and we were feeling great. We started off splitting an eighth. We were tripping, and it was great. I was swinging on the swings, and just chilling out with my girlfriend. We went back inside, and started getting carried away. I wanted a mindfuck. I wanted answers, and foolishly, I thought if I abused shrooms, that I would receive some.
I literally consumed an ounce of really, really potent shrooms. I was even licking the bag, like a junkie. About an hour later, it really kicked in. I told my girlfriend not to call 9-11. I knew it was about to get bad, and it did. It went from bad, to horrible, to worst. I was smashed on the floor. I couldn't do anything but squirm. I was going insane. I thought about my family, how badly I had treated them, how badly I had treated my former boss, and realized that in every situation, I have been the problem.
I needed to piss. She helped me to the bathroom, and I couldn't piss. I literally stood there with it out, but nothing could go. That's when it hit me so hard. I was frozen. I was sweating so hard, she said I must've sweat a gallon. I didn't remember even coming into the bathroom, it was like a flash. She guided me to the bed, and I couldn't remember anything. My body was in panick-mode. Nothing made sense to me. "What is anything!?", I kept saying. I didn't understand anything. I didn't know where any of my memories had come from. I was wanted to die, but there was no way I could. I wanted it all just to end. I was in a place I didn't belong. I was out of place and time. The universe was doing it's part, and I wasn't doing mine. This was not my place, and anything earthly did not belong here. This was the way the universe functioned. Not by God, not by spirits or reincarnation as I had previously believed, but as itself. Itself, like a machine, was turning. The universe does not need maintenance, it does not need repairs. It is one, and will forever be. Time. Time does not exist there. All is forever. Like a computer program that debugs itself, I was transported back.
I knew that the bed in the corner of the bedroom. It made sense to me somehow. I knew that was a place I needed to go. I laid there forever. My girlfriends tears showed me how dire the situation had become.
I was literally dying.
I laid there, and my girlfriend kissed me, telling me it was going to be okay. Her words couldn't do anything for me. I had forgot all language. There was nothing anybody could do for me, and I couldn't use benzo's or anything to reduce the trip because of drug-testing. I knew I had to ride this thing out. I was not ready for this trip. I was in an acid-loop. Everything kept repeating even though I wasn't moved from the bed. I fell through my girlfriend a few times. I remember going down a slide, there were giant mushrooms, snakes, everything on the way down. I had microslept.
As hours passed, I finally came too. I told my girlfriend my name, and she because happy. She knew I was going to be alright. I was still out of it. I told her I needed to find a job, but she told me I already had one.
I just laid there facing the wall. My girlfriend was holding me. I was in bad-shape, but the worst was over.
"I feel sick."
I immediately got up, I was so fatigued from this trip that I wanted to throw up on the floor. I thought to myself, "No, you fucking Junkie. You go to the fucking restroom." I made it to the restroom, and I unleashed vomit so violently it was like the exorcist. I had never been this sick. I had abused my body so badly, that it was fighting back.
I tried to get a sandwhich down, "I've gotta get food in my stomach" I told my girlfriend. I kept drinking water. I was doing everything I knew to do. I kept vomiting for a few hours.
I was so fatigued. I laid there in bed watching the walls melt. The worst was over.. now it was time to rest.. Resting was hard, but I knew I needed too.
I woke up the next morning. My severe anxiety isn't here. I'm anxious, but not nearly as much as I usually am. I assume it'll come back later.
Never abuse your shrooms. I was in a bad place, I knew better, and I was being an idiot. I literally ruined the day for my girlfriend and I. I had no control over it. People are people, and when you're insane, you can't do anything. Sometimes time is the only medicine.