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Experiencing the process of death
32gr Fresh McKennii
Just wanted to share my last trip with you. Actually wonder if anyone has experianced anything similiar. I have read a lot of trip reports on ego death and I have had similar experiance where I feel my mind/sould entirely seperated from my body and after a moment of panic I let go and the experiance is amazing. However, this one was quite different. I made of mushroom tea of 32gr of fresh Mckennii's Cubanis, so nothing crazy. This was my 6th time taking shrooms and perhaps the 20th time of using psycadellics.
Anyway, my trip came on quite strong. I usually do psychedelics during the night in the dark so I can concentrate on my inner experience. I move into my bedroom in order to lie down so I can better give-in to the experience. I go through the usual stages of a dimension shift. This part is usually the same for me, colorful visuals and quite uncomfortable emotional state where I experience doubt, feeling of hopelessness and fear.The trick for me here is to stay calm and move patiently and passively through this stage. Eventually I arrive into a state of complete openness, feeling completely separated from my body and my ego and can observe the experience from a higher perspective. I do not always get to this state, but it usually works this way.However, during my last trip when I thought I just moved through the ego face and for a little moment felt the peace and calm of the other dimension, I suddenly started to smell what felt like rotten flesh, I managed to stay calm and have faith in the process, next I experienced myself decaying, drying out as if the life was being sucked out of me. It became more difficult to breath and I started to make the gurgling sound of a dying person. One does not know fear before they are faced with their last breath.I managed to keep calm, and somewhere inside I knew this was a form of ego death, however, I have never experienced it so physical, I could feel myself running out of air and literally face the decision of whether I was ready to die here and now! It was very earthy, no experience of the beautiful afterlife to comfort me. A part of me wanted to give in, to see what was on the other side, but I kept thinking about my family and how it would not be fair to them if I actually ended up dying. I might have gone through with it, if I had not been alone, having the security of another person watching out for my body just in case. Instead, I went through the experience one breath at a time. The trip was not that strong that if I opened my eyes I could somewhat come out of it, but as soon as I closed them again I was back in the experience of dying. This went on for about 2hrs. I finally managed to get up and went back to my living room and put Chopin on. I had strong need to do some yoga and that helped a lot. My body actually started to move on its own, beautiful experience. Anyway, a very humbling experience and a great reminder that we are all going to take our last breath one day and we leave this world completely and utterly alone. Make sure to work towards being at peace with your life and focus on what is really important, never wait or be too afraid to tell people you love and care for them. This is the shit that matters when the time comes!
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