Golden teacher roller coaster ride

With all the studies of the positive mid-long term affects of psilocybin on the psyche, conciousness and breaking patterns of negative thinking, addictions etc. I though it would be prudent to dive back into magic mushrooms. The last time I tripped hard on mushrooms was about ten years ago. I've had a decent amount of experience with LSD, shrooms, DMT, ketamin having taking all to sufficiet amounts to induce total ego dissoluton and loss of reality as we know it. So five weeks ago I started growing some golden teachers which I've have now dried a good amount. I fasted overnight and started taking them at 09:00 - crushed with some peanut butter, chocolate and maple syrup. My gf had left for work so I had the apartment to myself and hoped I could be somewhat normal by the time she would be returning home for lunch just after 1.  I ate them over 30min while I watched the presidential inuaguration. I oculd feel the effects slowly ramping up, the usual wavy way everthing starts to look and colors becoming brighter and things superimposing on each other. All very pleasant and expected as this point and I took it upon myself to do a little bit of extra tidying up, sweeping the floor and dusting.  By 45 min the effects were coming on much faster/stronger and I new things were going to get pretty crazy.  My body coordination was coming undone and my legs were beginning to buckle as I scramble to get some nice relaxing ambient music on. It was all I could do to get to the bed by the 1hr mark, lie down and put some eye shades on. Immdiately the visuals were already full 3d, extremely vivid, the usual confusing myriad of shapes and extremely complicated geometric patterns surging, pulling, morphing into each other. I could feel, see hands gently pulling/urging me forward, as if politely inviting me to a strange reality. I would have moments of anxiety as I could feel my ego and understanding of reality as I know it begin to be stripped away. Then the hands would be held up as if saying stop, hold here, patterns reversing in direction, remorphing and becoming more confusing. After 5min I opened my eyes as fearing if I became much more disoriented I might get sick. I thanked myself for not having anything in my stomach as I'm sure if I had any breakfast I would have been throwing up by that point. Looking around the room showed me a scene of complete madness and insanity. Nothing made sense. Everyting was speeding up way beyond my control, visuals, sounds, emotions etc all fighting to get a piece of me. I told myself not to fight it, go with the flow, let the shroomies show you whatever they want to show you. However, at this point less than 75 min in I was having fears that this trip was going to be very difficult to handle and endure and I was also thinking there was no way I could be normal at all by the time my gf got home for lunch. So I closed my eyes again and hoped for the best. With my eyes closed again the visuals picked up to a new intensity. The hands were no longer asking my persmission to timidly investigate their world they grabbed me and pulled me forward with a force I could not resist. All rational thought and connection to regular reality was gone, blades were slicing my up my reality and everything was dissovling, morphing, swirling, rolling. Patterns were unrecongizable. It was as I was feeling how the particle flow of energy works, either flowing into an organism and giving it life or leaving it and taking away life and replacing it with death, disease, and hopelessness. The trip was at risk of plunging into hell and darknesss with sinister imagery flowing by and giving me creepy wisps of fear and dread. It was as if I my soul was being weighed, how does my energy balance add up in the universe, do I give love or am I a selfish bastard. I began to try to find the feeling of love and light to lift me up from whatever this scary, cold, unforgiving and machine like reality I had unfortunately found myself in. Thoughts, feelings, impressions of family, friends, gf, acquinatnaces, co-workers etc  worked their way into the imagery along with ideas, concepts of giving, compassion, courage, strength, weakness, horror, loneliness. Suddenly I could feel my self becoming surrounded with the energy of love and warmess. The machine like world was becoming brighter, getting a higher frequence. I had awareness of my hands being open and up at my side, I could feel them being held on each side and I could feel their hands were also connected by numerous others, all giving strength and positive energy to each other. I could feel extreme joy and tears were coming down my cheeks. It was as if my hands were wells of life, giving healing energy to others and also being filled. When I opened my eyes again I can see my room and it is stilled messed up beyong recogition. Suddenly the loving hands are taken away and I feel another round of dissolution and insanity coming on. It takes all my mental fortidude to try to look at my phone and make sense of the screen. I'm under the impression that I'm only about 100 min into the trip and I'm beginning to wish I took way less shrooms as I was only expecting a moderately intense trip from 3.5grams. I'm thinking where they heck do these shroom come from, do they come from another world, a spore lodged on an asteroid that crashed to earth in pre-historic times? At this point I'm almost begging the cosmos to give me my mind back, or at least for it to be in one piece when these shrooms are finished their work on it. I try moving my arms and body but have near total disassociation and connection with my physical self. For this I'm partially grateful with the vague sense that I'm lying still on my bed not letting my physical self get into any trouble. The visuals are once again beyond intense and all ideas of normal thought generation are obliterated. It's as if I'm being given a grand lesson on the natures of reality, of life giving to life or taking it away. My warped reality clashes with concepts of power and control, good and evil, all constantly fighting each other and trying to gain dominance. I'm pulled in all directions at once, how do I add up, do I give and love enough, do I think of others and help others enough, what is the concept of time, where am I, what is happening and so on and so on. When I finally have a sense of my body again after being so violently thrown up and down on this roller coaster it is almost noon. I can now recognize my room, the visuals are still intense but I can feel I'm coming down. As the levels of reality are slowly added back and things begin to make more sense I have a sense of life being such a gift, to have loved ones is a gifts, to have health is a gift. All these gifts sshould be shared with the less fortunate and no one should be left lonely and scared, suffering in pain and hopelessness. I'm so thankful the world is returning and making sense again. By 1:15 my gf comes home from work. I'm normal enough that I can make some conversation but my grasp on reality still feels tentative as visuals are still waxing and waning. I'm so thankful to have her and when she gives me a hug I feel protected and that everything is going to be ok. I'm finally able to eat some food even though I still have no appetite. She leaves for work at 2:20 and by 3 I put on my shorts to go for a run. I live in Vancouver which is a beautiful city with mountains, ocean, beaches and parks. I run along the seawall and feel completely blessed as I cruise along. As I run by people I see there is peace all around and I'm filled with a sense of joy and connection with everything. Perhaps this is partly due to being so thankful of having a mind capable of processing normal reality back again. My body feels super coordinated as I run and almost effortless. I'm noticing things I've never noticed and realize it's as if I'm viewing the world from a retuned, fresh mind. So as I write this 12 hours post taking the dose of shrooms, I think it was overall a positive experience but was like trial by fire and I feel grateful that its over. It will definitely be some time before I feel the need to challenge my mind with such a strong trip again. Maybe 2 grams next time with some micro doses tossed in here and there. Shroomies are to be respected, trip safe, have a siftter if you've never done it before because you don't want to do to much alone and find yourself running naked in the streets as that has happened to people. Work you doses up from low and know your threshold!