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At the outer edge of reality

tripping bawlzz..near suicide trip

This is the story of my second trip, which as the previous one, was spent in nature...
I took the equivalent of 3.5 if not more dried grams of mushrooms...

The whole thing lasted about 4h...with afterglow effects like milder hallucinations lasting up to 6hrs after dropping...
I will do my best to tell this story in chronological order and to include as many things as possible...
but obviously due to the nature of the psychedelic experience it will be near impossible to do so....
It completely changed the way I tought about reality itself...
it was a fcking wild ride believe me that.


I prepared myself a year long for this trip ( and also i had no access to psychs :P )...it was well planned and the day was already fixed.
I decided to trip on XMAS :). I compiled an awesome playlist, including jimi hendrix and shpongle;).
Set and Setting where perfect. I was in the perfect state of mind and I was going to trip in the forests.
I dosed according to my idea of travelling deep down the rabbit hole and let me tell you that i got what i asked for.
After the last glimpse of anxiety leaved my body i called my friend, who was going to trip sit me for the first 2h and off we go.
I was pretty confident that it was going to be amazing...but i couldnt imagine what a ride stood in front of me.

After a few minutes of walking we arrived at the designed spot in the woods and carefully weighted out the precious psychedelic:).
A bit hesitant i hugged my tripsitter and sayd to him...off we go, see u later ;).
I dropped everything and it tasted horribly...here my journey into insanity begun.


After dropping I started simply speaking with my friend about random things, i remember we were discussing the music.
Particularly one song, and indian american one, was capturing our attention.
About 10-20 minutes passed as i started to feel the first signs that it was kicking in.
I could suddenly tell that something changed. I couldnt tell what, but something was different. The toughpatter and the state of mind were alterated.
after about 5 min from the change in consciousnes the first real effect popped up.

It  was a cold day so i had my hands in the pockets of my hoodie. I swear to god, out of nowhere my hands vanished into infinite.
I screamed loudly out of nowhere from the fact that it scared me to death XD XD and i pulled my hands out as fast as i could .
As soon as i screamed i noticed that the way i was hearing changed drastically. Obviously its indescribable, but everything sounded different.
I could tell, i was under the influence...i felt what seemed like a rush of euphoria in my legs extending up to my lower back. It wasnt too much, but it was
My arts started to get kind of numb. After that it escalated pretty quickly. Moment after moment i was coming up stronger and stronger.
Multiple effects were getting added as time passed. I was slowly getting pulled towords the peak. I remember the first visuals were simply seeing better.
I was having a HD like vision...the edges of things around me were incredibly defined and neat.
I could see better and distinguish things better.
My friend showed me a branch with some christals on it, which were absolutely astonishing. We were walking around as i suddelny saw incredible visions.

I also had gloves on, and as i putted them on the sensation was incredible...truly sensible hands and amazing fellings averrall.
Very dmt and ayahuascan like, i suppose. I looked at the trees and the texture changed completely.
It canged into a darker color and it was all very symmetrycal and very incredible. The behind where dark green and seemed like aliens to me.
They were already kind of mirrored. They were reflecting in the middle and forming incredible geometry with theyre branches.
After this first vison it all starts to get foggier as the trip proceded. I remember my friend but on a song and it was incredible.
I almost cried to the beauty of the song. The hallucinations became stronger and stronger. Incredible geometry started appearing in every direction i looked
and everything started to change to something completely alien. I still could remeber that we were in a forest but still.
The hallucinations were unbarrabel. As i started peaking at T: 1, something very remarkable happened.

Please help me to understand what exactly this was... I think I lost my ego almost completely. I wasnt myself anymore. I became not only another beeing,
I became an incredible creature and soon after I was god, or "the thing thats after death" ( I will get to that later on ).
Now everything is telled by memory and not in chronological order.

I started raving about all kinds of topics. My voice and my way of acting and doing things completely changed...I was another beeing.
I spoke in a completely different way and also the words and the pronunciation were changed. I no longer remembered myself at the sober state.
I recognized that it existed a human called with my name but i no longer percieved my body belonging to that sober human.
I was like a catalyser for what i tought was the energy of the realm we go after we die and before we are born ( a god like state ).
Incredibly mystical and profound.

Soon i started raving about the whole humanity. I was incredibly angry and i spoke about the human kind as this species who got on the wrong path.
As this creature that leaved peacefully in the world and belonged as part of nature. My mannerisms were incredibly fluid at this point even tough
the visions were incredible and almost overwhelming.
I was convinced that the human kind trashed its status as a son of nature and was slowly destroying the world. I felt like i was between death and soberity.
Almost turning into this energy that is after death.

I was laying on the ground like nothing was wrong and i started to take chunks of grass and tell my friend, this is not simply shit!!!

I felt incredibly connected to nature and i tought that i had to live in nature no matter what...connected at all time...
Especially the place I was at was incredibly mystical and was sooooo more important to me.
I told my friend...no matter what everybody will think of me...i got to do this...i have to live connected to nature.
Never felt such a feeling...like i was connected and part of it all...of nature and the energy flowing in it and after death.

I was incredibly angry...and i raved like a god speaking of its creation. I was also talking about the technologie, about my handy connected to the speaker.
I raved something like...wtf..people have to meet in the real world...as things happen, they happen...u meet who u meet...u dont use this BS
to connect to others wtf....i saw the connection between other persons and i with that handy..

I remember that i was almost destroyed my and his phone, i hated technologie and i tought i discovered some sacred truth or smthiing...incredible.
I putted thing in so an unordinary way and left them as i wanted and ramdomly...i tought and sayd to him, people care to much.
U got to be more chill, everything gets to the place it needs to be at.

I also said to my friend..as we saw a tree who got cutted off, wtf, you kill this fucking plant, this fucking beeing, humanitiy is shit, it got no repsect.
I touched it with my gloves and the dirt and everything on it where incredible..i could visualize the roots beneath that death tree...incredible.

Now besides the incredible mindfuck, the hallucinations were incredible...everything I looked at was fractalising and decomposing into
sacred geometry in every direction....everything seemed connected,...the ground was all interconnected and for a moment i looked at the speaker.
This particular one has lots of sphere holes in it.. they all turned to hundreds of eyes looking at me.
The face of my friend was long gone bananas. It was allungated in every direction and seemed kind of blob like...bigger than usually.
It was incredible...black dots who were moving, only a few overrall on his face and for multiple moments i couldnt understand how many eyes he had.
2 or 4, idk...i tought i saw 4 but they were not fully destinguishable.
Anyway, i remember he sneezed and made a motion with his face..as soon as that happened he storced his face to the left and i swear to god his fucking
noose distorted to the left like 5-10cm into a sharp point and then back again in its trippy form XD XD X incredible.
The whole forest was mirrored on itself and anywhere I looked at everything was going on into infinite and the trees were completely mirrored.

Soon he had to leave me alone and so he jumped on his bike, but not before I checked it out...the style of the trip was incredible at this point.
Very very like alice in wonderland type of style. His fking bike looked so alien, like a vehicle of the past.
I tought, wtf is this, i got to go on a fking deer not on a bike XD XD.
As he vanished in the distance he took left and right turns and i swear to god it looked like an incredible painting, and the perspecting was really
fucking with me, it was so funny the way he vanished becoming smaller and smaller on the same 2dimensional platform i saw him on.
Full of geometrical shapes of all kinds.

As soon as he left me this fase of me rambling, transformed as another beeing ended.
A sort of bad trip started to happen....I was going into really bad toughts. I felt like somebody heared me rambling and they would call the police.
I also tought that after that everybody I knew was going to think of me in a different way...and i fucked up my life.
When i was let alone the real mental trip into counsciousnes happened. Very much like Alice in wonderland...especially the style of the trip.

Here started the complete madness....I was convinced that i had won over reality...that i had somehow won. I tought that everything in my life and
every single person i met and every single thing in existence was just a part of my counsciousness and my brain had made it all up.
Every song, every person, every artist, every last piece of dust in existence...reality itself....i was truly convinced that i wouldt come down from that trip.
That everything that happened before this moment was already destined to happen. the fact that i took this drug and everything. I was conviced
that it was time to kill myself as returning to reality was pointless in any sense. Because of the fact that everybody where just a refleciton of myself.
I tought, now is time to go to return into this enegry as i discovered the truth about everything...
I also had an idea that i would reincarnate myself into crazy alien lifeforms in a completely different setting and set and that my only purpose each time
was to arrive at the point of discovering the truth, that everything was made up from my mind.
Thanks god I didnt kill myself as i was able to put myself out of it...so remember a trip sitter comes handy...XD .

I was just sitted there and got into crazy toughts journeys I cant even remember. After a while i relaxed and was looking at my phone.
I tried to message somebody but it was near impossible...I was writing nonsense shit and the letters were fking moving and growing like crazy.
I remember i turend it on standby and watched my refelction on the screen..my face was fractalizing and turning into geometrics and visions.
I remember I was doing motions that where reflecting on the screen and appearing like 2-3 seconds after I did them. Amazing.

After that i walked a bit around and was connecting to my grandpa and my ancestors...the style they had and everything...incredible.
I saw myself as incredible characters and personsD:...anyway the visions were still incredible. NOW the part after he left me lasted around 1-2h
of which i remember very few.

Anyway after a while the sun came out and it was incredible...i started listening to music and layed on the gound...it was incredible.

I felt a strong feel of ... have faith in the universe and in yourself..everything will be ok..i listened to multiple songs at this point and
all of them where incredible,...such magic...the clouds where fucking moving in the strangest ways possible and the trees seemed so connected
and they looked like a grid and everything seemed connected. I fucking love it....best time of my life to be honest.

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