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Many Wounds Uncovered and Healed

An eye-opening experience

This was a pretty revealing and powerful healing experience, and not just for me. ;)

I had brewed around 130 grams of Shipibo Cielo Caapi vine and 14 grams of Acacia Confusa root bark with the Herbal Percolator extraction method, and boiled them down together. The combination smelled absolutely disgusting. It tasted even worse. The Confusa aspect tasted almost like rancid nail polish. Nasty stuff. I drank at home, so the intensity of the experience was confined to my bedroom and toilet.

I was guided to drink this amount, with Confusa, being told that Mother Ayahuasca was fine with it. Hesitantly, I focused on the brew I was yet to drink, and called out to Mother Ayahuasca. She appeared shortly, telling me it was fine to use Confusa. Seems like Mother Ayahuasca, in the past, telling me to use no DMT admixture was merely a trial in itself, to see how long I could last.

I had some milk, sea salt and honey available, to make it all halfway tolerable. Copious amounts of honey, and huge amounts of milk and water. I resisted wanting to drink, but I drank it, after a while of my tiger spirit guide persistantly telling me to drink and asking if I wanted help. Eventually, I caved in and accepted the help. I drank tons of milk to ease my mouth, throat and stomach nausea... milk does contain some tryptophan, so be careful!

So, I sat down and meditated for a while. Eventually, the brew hit me very strongly. Suddenly, there was a strong energy, of Mother Ayahuasca's and Confusa's combined energies. Rather like Mother Ayahuasca's energy overlaid with what I could only describe as Confusa's... it was almost insect-like, curiously. There was no light show, nor blazing colours, no open-eyed visions. Rather, my Third Eye became stronger, and I could sense / see my spirit guides far better than before.

At some point, my Shadow coerced me into taking it into my being. A bad choice, in retrospect, because it almost caused me to lose my sanity, again, quite a few times. Thought I was slowly going mad, with it pulling at the edges of my mind. My tiger spirit guide grumbled at me for making such a silly decision. Thankfully, when I accepted my tiger spirit's offered help again, she helped isolate it from me. And so, my Shadow became very angry with me, and took its revenge.

I was taken through many dark tortorous visions which seemed all too real... this went on for a while, until my tiger broke through the dark mental shroud and rescued me from the dark ocean. She kept reminding me to stay in reality, that she's here to protect and guide me, as I protected and guided her in our previous life.

Then, a painful memory floated to the surface, my tiger spirit guide again guiding me and telling me to have courage. My guardian spirit guide? Many lifetimes ago, I had murdered him in cold blood... and he had been my best friend. Why had I murdered him? I still don't know, just that I had. He had made a promise to protect and guide me no matter what. He knew I wasn't in my right mind, and still came to guide me... undoubtedly, there are deeper layers to that than I currently know. He reassured me that everything was fine, that he forgave me completely.

Quite a few times, a personification of Death, skeleton, black robes, scythe and all, came to visit. The energy, for want a better word, the presence of Death literally screamed of pure, unadulterated death and destruction. For whatever reason, I had subconsciously summoned Death to do something... and so Death did. As Death stabbed me, my tiger spirit guide acted a shield, for all it was worth... which was literally nothing. I realized that Death was more than just a death-bringer, but also a transformer of energies and a giver of rebirth and renewal. Somehow, after Death had finished Its stabby work, I felt... strongly re-energized, with a renewal of purpose.

After a while of recuperation, it was like I remembered there was something I had to do, so I reached inside my tiger's chest, with her permission, towards her Heart chakra. There was a dark nodule of pain. Panicking, she asked what I was doing, to stop! But, I couldn't. I had this inner drive to heal her. I feel that my soul was guiding me to keep going, reminding me of something that I forgotten, something I must do.

After a small struggle, eventually, she grudgingly confessed, feeling very uncomfortable; she had mistakenly murdered someone in a tribe I was part of in my previous life, a Peruvian one, I think, and I had been outcast for protecting her, by taking the responsibility of the crime myself... eventually, years later, I was allowed back into the tribe, because they needed my help. So, healing this was difficult. So much emotional pain that I never knew she had locked away. She fought me the entire time, deeply angry for feeling I had violated her trust in me, and suffering deeply. She even full on bit me, snarlingly and with hate. I remained obstinate though... in the end, she asked for forgiveness for her irrationality, and so I did. She reminded me that our friendship was a strong as ever. She knows when I'm not myself, and I knew she wasn't herself.

She was utterly exhausted, so I restored her energy, though she kept falling unconscious from time to time. She eventually stabilized, however. When she was well enough, I was put through trials to test my character, to draw out emotions that would have otherwise stayed hidden. Anger, pain, hatred, all knotted in my chest.

I did vomit quite a few times, releasing emotional pain, as well.

Overall, an exhausting night.

Many thanks for reading! :)

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