This was a pretty revealing and powerful healing experience, and not just for me. ;)
I had brewed around 130 grams of Shipibo Cielo Caapi vine and 14
grams of Acacia Confusa root bark with the Herbal Percolator extraction
method, and boiled them down together. The combination smelled
absolutely disgusting. It tasted even worse. The Confusa aspect tasted
almost like rancid nail polish. Nasty stuff. I drank at home, so the
intensity of the experience was confined to my bedroom and toilet.
I was guided to drink this amount, with Confusa, being told that
Mother Ayahuasca was fine with it. Hesitantly, I focused on the brew I
was yet to drink, and called out to Mother Ayahuasca. She appeared
shortly, telling me it was fine to use Confusa. Seems like Mother
Ayahuasca, in the past, telling me to use no DMT admixture was merely a
trial in itself, to see how long I could last.
I had some milk, sea salt and honey available, to make it all halfway
tolerable. Copious amounts of honey, and huge amounts of milk and
water. I resisted wanting to drink, but I drank it, after a while of my
tiger spirit guide persistantly telling me to drink and asking if I
wanted help. Eventually, I caved in and accepted the help. I drank tons
of milk to ease my mouth, throat and stomach nausea... milk does contain
some tryptophan, so be careful!
So, I sat down and meditated for a while. Eventually, the brew hit me
very strongly. Suddenly, there was a strong energy, of Mother
Ayahuasca's and Confusa's combined energies. Rather like Mother
Ayahuasca's energy overlaid with what I could only describe as
Confusa's... it was almost insect-like, curiously. There was no light
show, nor blazing colours, no open-eyed visions. Rather, my Third Eye
became stronger, and I could sense / see my spirit guides far better
At some point, my Shadow coerced me into taking it into my being. A
bad choice, in retrospect, because it almost caused me to lose my
sanity, again, quite a few times. Thought I was slowly going mad, with
it pulling at the edges of my mind. My tiger spirit guide grumbled at me
for making such a silly decision. Thankfully, when I accepted my tiger
spirit's offered help again, she helped isolate it from me. And so, my
Shadow became very angry with me, and took its revenge.
I was taken through many dark tortorous visions which seemed all too
real... this went on for a while, until my tiger broke through the dark
mental shroud and rescued me from the dark ocean. She kept reminding me
to stay in reality, that she's here to protect and guide me, as I
protected and guided her in our previous life.
Then, a painful memory floated to the surface, my tiger spirit guide
again guiding me and telling me to have courage. My guardian spirit
guide? Many lifetimes ago, I had murdered him in cold blood... and he
had been my best friend. Why had I murdered him? I still don't know,
just that I had. He had made a promise to protect and guide me no matter
what. He knew I wasn't in my right mind, and still came to guide me...
undoubtedly, there are deeper layers to that than I currently know. He
reassured me that everything was fine, that he forgave me completely.
Quite a few times, a personification of Death, skeleton, black robes,
scythe and all, came to visit. The energy, for want a better word, the
presence of Death literally screamed of pure, unadulterated death and
destruction. For whatever reason, I had subconsciously summoned Death to
do something... and so Death did. As Death stabbed me, my tiger spirit
guide acted a shield, for all it was worth... which was literally
nothing. I realized that Death was more than just a death-bringer, but
also a transformer of energies and a giver of rebirth and renewal.
Somehow, after Death had finished Its stabby work, I felt... strongly
re-energized, with a renewal of purpose.
After a while of recuperation, it was like I remembered there was
something I had to do, so I reached inside my tiger's chest, with her
permission, towards her Heart chakra. There was a dark nodule of pain.
Panicking, she asked what I was doing, to stop! But, I couldn't. I had
this inner drive to heal her. I feel that my soul was guiding me to keep
going, reminding me of something that I forgotten, something I must do.
After a small struggle, eventually, she grudgingly confessed, feeling
very uncomfortable; she had mistakenly murdered someone in a tribe I
was part of in my previous life, a Peruvian one, I think, and I had been
outcast for protecting her, by taking the responsibility of the crime
myself... eventually, years later, I was allowed back into the tribe,
because they needed my help. So, healing this was difficult. So much
emotional pain that I never knew she had locked away. She fought me the
entire time, deeply angry for feeling I had violated her trust in me,
and suffering deeply. She even full on bit me, snarlingly and with hate.
I remained obstinate though... in the end, she asked for forgiveness
for her irrationality, and so I did. She reminded me that our friendship
was a strong as ever. She knows when I'm not myself, and I knew she
She was utterly exhausted, so I restored her energy, though she kept
falling unconscious from time to time. She eventually stabilized,
however. When she was well enough, I was put through trials to test my
character, to draw out emotions that would have otherwise stayed hidden.
Anger, pain, hatred, all knotted in my chest.
I did vomit quite a few times, releasing emotional pain, as well.
Overall, an exhausting night.
Many thanks for reading! :)