Serve The Serpent

 5 dried grams of home-grown cubensis. In Silent Darkness. First real attempt at the much vaunted Mckenna method. Fasted for 5/6 hours. Ate raw at 23.20. Meditated in darkness in my office chair for a while. Came on ridiculously quickly, maybe 20 mins to half an hour. So strong I had to retreat to my bed and hold on, legs jelly. It begins with insane sci-fi buzzes and tones as always. High frequencies drift in and out of earshot, panning across the spectrum, heavily laced with supernatural reverb. Insect chattering and the general feeling of some obtuse, shadowy machine starting up, beginning to meld with me. It is insect and alien and yet still machine like. Intense physical churning and roiling as always. Out of nowhere / somewhere tentacles of some cosmic inspector grasp me, flowing towards and into me. I can actually see them under "reality" and feel them as they latch on. Its almost as if they were always there, an integral part of 'true' experience normally ignored by the reducing valve of the senses, and I am only now noticing that I have always been linked and enmeshed. Very intense and uncomfortable. I am turned and twisted within this undulating embrace. I say aloud, "If this is reality, then reality is fucking weird." It responds by kicking up a gear. The buzzing intensifies until it assumes an angry waspish tone. I remember attempting to pacify myself and thinking that it's all ok, that I can handle anything it can throw at me. The response is an instant kick in the teeth and a drastic increase of activity. It's as if whatever this is, is determined to knock me down, to punish my presumptions. Strange glyphs and symbols flash in luminescent whiteness. I open and close my eyes in the dark and it makes no matter to the visions' potency. I've always struggled with the visual element of tripping and was starting to believe that maybe I'm just not made that way, perhaps my chemistry is such that I have the thoughts / revelations but not the true hallucinations (sorry Terence). Turns out I just wasn't taking enough or in the correct conditions. I had always expected things to come alive within the material world but this was more like they were superimposed or laced on top of "normal", waking reality. Swirling patterns and forms shadow the movement of the sinister feelers. I can literally feel them rotating and inspecting me. I become aware that this is just what IS happening. I am being assessed by some octopus-insect-machine intelligence hidden within the psilocybin molecules. It is turning me over in its' serpent arms and weighing me, judging me, a reckoning of soul. Imagine a gigantic cosmic octopus and picture myself, tiny and insignificant, caught in the tentacle mesh. It sifts me like a pickpocket. It's not exactly awesome in its scope because it IS the scope, it IS the awe, it is the ALL. There is something grossly sinister about its perceived attitude towards me. It is cold and indifferent, purposeful. It's a very uncomfortable experience. I have immense difficulty holding it together, merging with the Great One. I beg for gentle platitudes. None come. I ask for visions, "what can you show me?", but hear nothing. Vague faces and entities peep out at me from the swirling gloom, coming and going, into and out of phase. I bottle it. This is so overwhelming, my ego can't accept the death. I rise and switch on the table lamp, momentarily blinded by the intense etched glyphs, patterns and colours. I attempt to start the laptop to play music to calm things but can't get it together enough so I end up rolling and contorting on the bed in abject fear. I find myself stuck in weird postures, my head on the mattress as I kneel on the sheets, as my mind drifts and i forget what I'm doing.