Hi there, everyone.
I had my first psilocybin experience last Friday (5 days ago) and it's been over 3 years that my best friend's been trying to make me try it but I never agreed to do it, simply because I know myself well and I know how psychedelics can be mind-altering and how the brain is a sensitive/vulnerable organ. I wouldn't gamble with that, being unaffiliated with such esoteric, even if the chances of something fatal happening (brain damage) are slim to none. Better safe than sorry, you know?
Now, by "knowing myself" I mean, neurotic, paranoid, anxious, cynical, hypochondriac.
After years of his tenacious persistence, I finally gave in to a couple of 'micro dose' trials, which I believe were 0.3g once and 0.5g the second time, of dry, lemon-tekked psilocybe cubensis. I want to say that the 0.5g time wasn't pleasant at all cuz I was having serious drama with a tight friend and almost lost the friendship and that magnified terribly with the 0.5g micro dose. I then relentlessly balked at the drug and went running to the familiar and warm embrace of sweet Mary Jane. I've been a pothead for over 15 years and I just love the damn plant!
Almost 6 months after micro dosing, he tried to convince me to go on a level-1 trip, telling me how it isn't intense and very warm, friendly and mild and that I won't even visually trip. I resisted obstinately. He never gave up trying especially after growing some, made him even more incessant. I finally started to let my guard down a notch and slowly gave in to it and decided 'what the hell, let's give it a shot!'. He told me to get a good night's sleep, it was very stressful cuz I've been having a horrible body clock for weeks and my sleep pattern was inverted. So, it took me a whole week trying to fix that clock to prep for Friday's trip and finally almost fixed it on Thursday by the help of an alarm and good indica.
One thing that was brought up tho, is the set and setting. He was reluctant about doing it at his house cuz he wanted me to have my first experience outdoors, preferably the beach but it was so freakin' hot that day, so, we agreed on his house. Which of course made me a little uneasy that I might not enjoy it cuz of the set and setting.
Friday comes and I went willingly with a clear and accepting mind for taking that level-1 trip, sleep was barely 6 hours tho which didn't phase me cuz I got up fresh and excited. I also watched my diet for a few days, cutting red and white meat out as advised to get a cleaner trip. I also had no breakfast.
The dose was 0.8g of dry cubensis without lemon-tekking, rendering it the smallest level-1 dose ever. I chased the shrooms with a light beer and started anticipating the ethereal. It started by slow, ticklish jolts of odd sensation that made me giggle and the colors gotten vivider and the whole vision got more crisply defined and that felt astoundingly cool, especially for a photographer. I also started to resent the taste of beer, it being my favorite, and cigarettes too. It's like I distinctly tasted every ingredient and all the nasty chemicals in it.
A couple of hours later, I was mesmerized by the sensation and how music sounded, then we started to roll a joint of that strong indica, I was so carefree and perky that I didn't think of what weed might do with shrooms. I took a couple of puffs and then throughout the trip we kept smoking more and more. The psilocybin totally dominated the THC and sorta saran-wrapped its high like nothing I've ever thought possible. That feeling gave me relief that weed's leashed and the fear of panic attacks was seamlessly subdued.
6-7 hours had passed and the shrooms slowly came down peacefully and I was very comfy with the landing, we decided to watch a movie and had Tarantino's The Hateful Eight on blu-ray on a big ass LED TV, so, the picture was stunning, literally. I felt engulfed by both the picture and dialogue, it's like I was impervious to process it. With two more joints of that potent weed, I started to freak out a little bit from the first 10 minutes of the movie. I went to the bathroom to calm myself and I thought I nailed it, went out again but 3 minutes later I told him to stop the movie as the panic attack started to creep on me and I was defying it smartly, but just felt like going home anyway.
At that moment I felt like my brain is frying, and to make it worse, I took a cab home and the driver was one of the most loquacious people EVER! That made me feel horrible trying to keep up with his inane ramblings and petty bullshit. Finally, I got home with a totally beat brain and went straight to bed.
I expected to sleep for 10 hours after such intensified exhaustion but I woke up only 4-5 hours later, it wasn't even dawn yet! It felt like resurrection, totally dreamless. I was also freakishly sober and that is SO UNLIKE ME! I usually stay in bed all dopey for 20 minutes before I get up and start functioning. Also, weed felt very weird, it's like it's unfamiliar and actually unpleasant. Now, THAT made me worry. I started thinking that I'm brain-damaged and that my personality got altered, however, I felt that all the crazy static I used to have in my mind, always underlying my thoughts, was poof! gone! That freaked me out good, to suddenly wake up with no noise, no thoughts, it felt like my brain's been wiped out. I let it digest for a moment then an introspective scene occurred.
It was the inside of my brain, a room that used to be jammed floor-to-ceiling with junk, no room to move and locating stuff was impossible, now, after waking up, that room is now all white and spacious, with tons of drawers built in the walls, and that was the relief I needed cuz all my thoughts, memories and my very character was stored safely in those drawers. I also faced my ego, for the first time. I mean, I had encounters with it before by mere thought, thinking I restrained it, but oh no, that was an illusion. I'm much calmer and indifferent about the trivial and overdramatic details that core-founded the white noise running in the background. That was the positive part; the enlightenment.
The negative part, which is the main drive behind this long, detailed report, is insomnia and weird headaches. I basically haven't been sleeping more than 4-5 hours and I wake up abruptly, very fresh and active. I don't think I have the same appetite either, and weed still feels odd, not as odd as the first day after shrooms tho, but it's odd still, with weird headaches. Last night I took a pill (0.25mg) of Xanax with a couple of weed tokes and I fell asleep like a baby, however, still no dreams and still 5 hours sleep time. It did fix my biological clock tho, but with so little sleep...I'm not okay with this at all.
So, in conclusion, I'm really worried about this state of crazy insomnia accompanied by weird headaches and appetite loss. I am in desperate need for your insights on this report and I'm hoping I get positive, uplifting replies.
Thanks in advance and sorry for the extensive, neurotic details.