I have been suffering from PTSD and from an abundance of negative energy that I empatheticly picked up while doing a ten piece in prison. This has caused me to develop a bad attitude, quick to violence, and full of hate. I knew I needed help. Accupuncture, Chakra alignment, therapeutic massage, all did little. I considered using the healing power of peyote, but could not source it.
Recently I went to home to Texas. As we pulled on to the family road, surrounded by cow fields, I told my mom, " I smell shrooms, when did it last rain?" As an avid Shroom hunter in the 80s/90s I know that smell all to well. I've only done shrooms to trip, never for healing. I decided to try to use the mushroom for therapy. My hunt went well. It took me literally 5 mins to find enough for a healing dose.
Psilocybe Cubensis Aka Golden Teachers
I let them dry a couple of days as I prepared myself by fasting and refraining from cannabis.
I measured out what I consider a very large dose. Probably around the 17 to 25 gram mark. 17 assorted caps.
At 10am I walked deep into the country, a mile from the nearest house or road. I held the Golden Teachers in my hands and I prayed for help and healing , and to purge me of my negativity. I asked to be made whole, and to be shown my path. Then , one by one , I ate them. I lay down in a small clearing as the first waves of euphoria came over me. I watched the clouds billowing across the sky and prayed for healing. I began to see spirits in the clouds.
Incan Indian Shamen, Native Americans in headdresses , Spirits of Spanish explorers, the spirit of a grandmother. All came to see me, nodding to me in acceptance as they ran off the mischievous trickster spirits that tried to distract me.
Suddenly the world fell away.
I was a giant glowing spider in an Web of all creation. I watched as I (as the spider) reached out and cut the lines of his Web because he hated who they were connected to. But each time I cut a thread, it caused my Web to weaken and wounds to open on me. I realized that each time in my real life, that I hurt someone, that I was really only hurting myself. Projecting hate outward is really a sign that you hate yourself. I knew I needed to love myself more.
The Web image faded away and I found myself floating in a sea of green below a deep blue sky. I could see all of the living beings as spiral mandalas of energy. All connected. All as one.
Time stopped. Then reversed. Then stopped again. Before finally resuming. I knew the Universe was showing me that time is not linear. It flows in all directions.
Then I was dying , over and over,as my ego was stripped from me again and again. 1000 times I died and was reborn. My ego removed , I was peeled like an onion to my core. I was forced to look at the essence of me. Every moment and move in my life replayed and analyzed with each rebirth. Only to die again. My body was racked with muscle spasms as the vile events I had done were forced upon me like water poured down my throat. Each event a putrid taste in my mouth. I was able to retch and vomit up each vile thing I had done. Over and over I purged myself of those negative events. Nothing came out of my mouth except negative energy. It burnt and twisted the grass it hit. But it just kept coming.... Suddenly I was a Polynesian Maori Warrior making my war face....but as I stuck out my tongue it turned into 100's of hits of acid (lsd) pouring out of my mouth like a ticker tape. All of the LSD I had ever done came printing out of my mouth. My mouth filled with acrid fluid. All of the lsd I had done in the last 30 years was in my mouth and I could taste it. I spit it out. Finally free of its twisting effect on my aura.
I started to live again. I could see the real world clearly now. There were no hallucinations. I was laying in the clearing looking up at circling buzzards. I must have been laying still a little too long. I got up and breathed. Outstretched my arms and filled myself with the love and the light. Clean, healed and amazed. The Golden Teachers were the catalyst for my new found joy.
I'm still riding the wave of euphoria my experience left me with. It's very surreal. I'm fortunate enough to have a very supportive family core that is just as excited about the changes that my "satori enlightenment" has brought.
2 weeks later........
I've quit smoking cannabis a little over a week ago and have been dealing with the changes that brings. After 30 years of daily using, I get a little stressed out without it. I've also decided to give up growing for a bit. One more harvest in a few weeks and it's over. I've also given up sugar, caffeine and soon, alcohol as well. Im slowly disengaging from social media because it is so full of disallusioned ideas and principles I just can't agree with anymore. I'm only turning on the TV for game of thrones, Saturday night live , and science/nature. Processed foods taste like shit to me, and I'm eating much healthier. My life goals have returned in force. Financialy, I don't need to work a 9to5. But, I've enrolled in cdl school, been accepted, and will be leaving for the open road in June. I've consolidated my finances and am looking to drop a down payment on a nice ranch by years end. Use the trucking industry job to pay for a tractor and farm equipment.
I'm more caring, a bit more sensitive to my wife's needs an much more compassionate. I've stopped leaving the house armed , so I don't have to worry about killing anyone that pisses me off or assaults me. I'll let what will be, be. And not allow violence to be a issue. I find myself caring about people I don't even know , and the cash in my wallet is subject to be given away at any moment to the many homeless in my neighborhood. ( I am in the ghetto)
I am scared of what the future brings. Because a month ago I would never of thought that this was possible. But I'm confident it brings good things so for me, you and all of us.
The visions from the experience are vivid in my minds eye. Driving me forward into the unknown as I hope to capture each of those moments in my reality.
I encourage anyone who is lost to look to the healing power mother nature has provided. And to take the time and trouble to find a safe way to have thier own healing experience. Or to just love themselves a little bit more.