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My deepest experience

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this is my 1st post and before, I had two experiences:
1. When I was 17, with LSD. Friend said: "it's going to be like you are a bit drunk". Well, it wasnt like that - I freaked out! 4 hours of terror. and 1st time in a BIG city...
2. When I was 30, I accidentally ate 3 big cannabis cookies. I thought they were regular :-) Again, a bit of panic...

The trip I am going to describe happened in June 2015 and it was friday night. I was alone in my appartment.
At 9 PM, I consumed 3,7 grams of dried Mexicana shrooms. That's why I chosed "Level 4" thread. I was 6 hours fasted before consuming shrooms.

First hour
After an hour I started noticing something was different. 
From slow, it started to build up faster.... shivering, cold, nausea,...... 2 times I almost throwed up ...... nothing felt good - sitting, laying in bed......... listening to quiet, meditative music......NOTHING helped.
I started to talk out loud: "Please, be good to me." I felt like I was going to be erased....similar feeling to bungee jumping, but like it's going to tear me out of my body. It was TERRIBLE!

Then I found music that helped a bit (please listen while you continue reading): 

After about an hour of terror, I started talking out loud to myself: "You are ok. Dont worry, everything will be fine. Everybody loves you. Dont be afraid. Everything is ok." 
And at that time, I was already on my knees, crying, with folded hands - like praying. And then.......

Three hours
.....a sudden change. Immediately, I felt this warm, gentle wave.......wave of LOVE. Pure LOVE. My cry of fear changed into cry of love, happiness, joy. 
That's when I realised why the hour of terror - I didn't love myself! My ego was breaking apart in that hour. 

I felt through my body -  HE (you can name him God or Creator, or whatever is ok for you).....HE came through shrooms experience. 
HE came to tell me that it will be like he says. Meaning that I must not complain about anything in my life. That I was arrogant towards life, myself, to people who are near to me. Ego....
HE came to tell me that I am OK and that everything is fine. And that I dont have to worry about ANYTHING, because in this moment, life is always perfect as it is.
And that everybody loves me; also my past away mom, grandma and grandpa.

Tears flowed down my face. I never felt so happy and peaceful in my entire life. NEVER, EVER.
I felt so deep and wide. I felt like space. But not like whole cosmos, smaller. Yet bigger than my apartment. 
And time stood still. Actually there was no time. I felt eternal.

HE told me that we are made from light and sound. And the universe is just experiencing itself through us, over and over again. And that we all come from one source. We are all one. 
And there were those nice, gentle waves coming every few moments. And I was so present, so aware of everything!

He made very clear that I need to be thankful. Thankful for everything and anything. Never complain about anything or anybody. 
Everyone is playing its own game. Everyone is perfect the way he or she is.

HE also said I need to believe in him because through HIM I will believe in myself. And vice versa.
And my thoughts need to be GOOD. 

About the visuals and halucinations.... the colors were more intense, but I didnt have any particular halucinations. 
Sometimes in those 3 hours, for a moment, it "jumped" into that terror again. I understood that as I need to be good.... or else......
Also, my elbows didnt hurt (I got golf elbows through pull-ups). I felt perfect. My body was like new.

While writing about this trip, i kind of re-experienced it. I also listened to that music again.
Many times, I wanted to consume shrroms again, but I was afraid of that "1st hour" to happen again.....
Maybe some day....

For those who are reading this post again, I've changed it slightly because I remembered some things from the trip ;-)

Thanks for reading ;-)

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