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LSD Trip Level 5 - Rebirth. The Death Of An Ego.

Forever Changed



The month is October 2015.
I just got done in Washington with legal trouble. Which caused me to be there since August. Jail is no fun.

Anyways,  i have 1000 bucks in my pocket and i make the 600 mile drive to California to my home in Mendocino. 
I get there by dark and go to sleep at a buddys pad.
Bright and early i wake to go to San Francisco. 
I make the hour and a half drive, i get to where i am going and get my 5th sheet of L.
Purple Gels with Gold Flakes. It looks black until it disovlves in mouth.
I take the trip back after bs' ing for some time with the circle.

I get to my usual stop before town in Hopland. I drop 1 hit hit.
I continue driving back and i park my car and go to a different friends house. By the time i park my car the L kicked in. I was a monster at eating L before this unexpected break from tolerance. 
Naturally,  i drop 2 more.
I go see my friends who were in their trap of doing blow and molly and wanted nothing to do with acid, and i wanted nothing to do with their shit.
I told them im leaving my car here and im going to go longboarding. Im frying.
I get halfway to where i wanted to go when the next to takes hold.

I become more lethargic.  Simple tasks become a difficult challenge. I wanted to text my lady friend i think i took to much and i want her help.
But i need WiFi. I start going to where i can get it.
Then it peaks so i put on some tunes to try and regain a grasp on reality. Oh boy did i chose the worst song ever.
I am a rapper, or at least i love to rhyme. 
Usually ill jam and sing along, but this song took a whole new position. I realized. He was talking to me. The song was aimed towards me. Listen to it. It is all about LSD anyway.
I couldnt get myself to change it, i was stuck in the pull of his words. The truth. I have always been a seeker of truth, so as much as it hurt to hear and accept im bullshit, i kept listening.  The instruments greatly captures the feel of trippin balls.

By the time it is over, 1 million thoughts were running through my mind about how my talent aint shit.
I find myself on a bike trail, on my way to safeway for WiFi. 
All of a sudden, i get full on disconnected.
The street became a hill. It was going up into the sky, and it felt like i was skating up hill - on flat ground.
I forgot where safeway was. I forgot how the streets connected.
I ask some kids where safe way is and there faces became surprised and and scared, the biggist one maybe 16 just said oh man...
I cquickly turned away and went off. I probally looked tweaked out of my mind, and i bet my head was hanging backwards. Everything still had the appearance of up hill.

I become over heated and take off my jacket and my suit coat. I find a tree next to a bar so if im stopped and talked to, i can say i drank way way too much. and sit under it for maybe an hour which felt like four. Trying to fight off what is going on in my head. I realize im probably going to die lol and i need water bad. I start to faintly remeber my way around town. Just direction, i have no idea how the streets link together. So i head off to the park.

Im now walking holding everything im surprised i lost nothing during all of this.
It is becoming night, it is dusk. The strangest thing happened. 

It is light out sunny. I cross the road to get to the other sidewalk, and it turns dark instantly. 
There was no fading out or sunset, in a matter of steps it went from day to night.
I couldnt make sense of it.
I realized most of my distress is coming from the fact i need to piss like a race horse.
Id normally just pick a spot and go.
But i kept telling myself, that wont work, there wont work, i literally debated pissing myself for a good moment.
I get to the park and pass the water fountin for a child and parent was using it, i didnt bother waiting for them in my current condition - geeked the fuck out.
I use the restroom finally.
I get some water. It is dark now.
I sit under another tree still over heated.

This is where my ego death really started.
I started thinking abput my past with LSD and all the doses i have given out. The people i turned onto it, the people i habe destroyed with it.
I was popular,  Ty this Ty lets do that. I have listened to my gut instinct with lots of success. Go drink at the dams. I say lets drink here it doesnt feel right. The group left for the dams and i stayed. I hear next morning the cops came through,  and ticketed a few people.
Another instant i was in Oregon with my now ex fiancé. She is playing shake pickimg out the bud. Its 3 in the morning on a windy road to salem. I see head lights behind me, when we take the corner and broke visual contact, i tell her to toss it out the window, she says what?? I yelled do it now. She did.

As soon as that car came around the corner, it was a cop, and it pulled us over.
We were left to leave. She wanted to know how i knew, and i told her i didnt, i just listened to the universe. 
Anyways,
I thought i was so cool. Bragging about how i can handle LSD so well.

I was receiving messages from what i call the universe,  this time audiotury. Insted of just feeling.
It told me, im a peice of shit, im not cool, you are not big, you are small. You are merely a drop in the bucket. Worthless. Unaccomplised.


I try to come back to reality, typing notes to myself.
I try to play a game, fallout shelter.

When the screen loads it looks like this.

I saw it
And it felt like brainwashed. I got visions, it felt like i was a sleeper agent being activated.
I sudden caught glimpses of the past, MK Ultra Experiments running through my head.
I caught even bigger glimpse of the past, i saw the big bang, and a timeline of events leading jp to the present. 
Then the future,  it looked like rubble, destruction and murder.
Civilization no more, people being brutal, bands of raiders and bandits, innocent in small groups dying. 
The only ones to succeed in this era, were the friends. Big groups of people who felt 100% empathy towards one another. They knew they were one of the same. They prospered. 

I snap back after these visions. Literal visions. Open eyed. Whole scenes these were. As if it were a movie.
Then i die, i transcend my body, get to heaven and was told it is not my time, and was sent back to my body. Then the flower of life pattern took up my whole view. But just the upper left quadrant. The lines were ever shifting and evolving, moving, but still produced the same shape.
I feel the energy of my rings and my crazy festival hat, i throw it across the park, and my rings in the mud.
I felt better. 

This lasted for an unkown period of time.

I grew up with 9 years of martial arts training. This is needed to know.

After i regain my true vision, i walk to the church for WiFi.
As im marching down the street, i felt like a trained solider. Marching along.
I hated it. I felt despise. I felt like i am not in control,  but a product of everything that has ever influenced me. I didn't feel like an individual.  But an expendable tool for someone else.

I make it to the church and text my dear friend, the artist in my signature "you only see what you're allowed to see." 
And she helped me greatly.
I couldnt speak. The words in my head were stuck in my head and wouldnt come out of my mouth.
 This is where i will end. The rest is far to personal. 

All in all, this negatively effected my personality. 
They say even a bad trip it usually turns out good or enjoyable with something to learn.

Well this destroyed me.

Azarius
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