I awoke at 4:30 AM on a winter's morning during winter break of freshman year. The wind was audible, the dry, not quite adequate heat from the furnace kept me bearably warm, reading George Orwell's 1984 as I waited for my mother to leave for work. I gently removed myself from bed when I head my mother go into the kitchen to fix herself a meal for her lunch break; I open the basement door, "Good morning," I say, carrying my apparel for the day. I make my way to the bathroom on the second floor, close the door and unveil the two tabs of LSD hidden within my pants pockets. I stick both on mt tongue and hop into the shower. The shower feels as any other one did, warm and relaxing on a cold, dry day with the rejuvenating feeling of cleanness. I look up to the stuccoed above my shower's curtain and notice it is no longer white with black shadows, it is light purple, with dark purple shadows. I immediately turn off the water and push my head against the nearest window. My mother's car is gone; good I am home alone. I investigate my reflection in the mirror and find the iconic sign that allows me to know my trip has begun; my purples possess yellows, purples, blues , and greens while they widen and widen further. I am ready.
After dressing, I head back down the stairs to enjoy this new state of consciousness and accompany it with music. I begin making toast along side the majestic reverberations of The End by The Doors. Toast is made and a new song has begun; I am jutted into a state of hyper-energy and dancing. I feel myself attempting to control what I am experiencing. I get a short glimpse of the outside world; the snow covered tundra of central Pennsylvania in the winter shows me images of an eye, an eye I feel very familiar with. This eye I see, brings fear to me and immediately begin dancing with the music again. Little to my knowledge is that the local school district had delayed school and my sister came down the stairs. I asked here why she hadn't driven to school and she responded with the usual "2 hr delay." I told here to have a good one and went back to my music.
A friend of mine sent me a text message after my sister left for school, "How's your trip going?" she says.
"I see the eye of the Universe" I respond.
"Good you're learning" she replied, "listen to Tame Impala"
I put on Tame Impala and look out into the fear inducing eyes of the snow covered wasteland. They engulf, rape, educate, and love me. "It is always watching but never judging" I saw aloud. Tame Impala drives onward while my whole vision is obscured by a geometric pattern of eyes. I change the pace of my journey and retreat to my bedroom. I put my meditation pillow on my bed, put my music on the chair to I can hear it clearly, and assume the lotus position. Upon closing my eyes, I am transported to a new universe where everything I understand and know is meaningless. The geometric eye patter is no longer thousands of eyes, but a single eye surrounded by a quilt-like geometric pattern that engulfs anything and everything. "You surrounds us, you are in us, and move through us" I say out loud as if I am speaking to a being of godlike qualities. I begin to loose sense of my body, and my physical existence, I then loose all sensation of mental existence and feel as if my soul has been separated from everything. "This is what death is" I again say out loud. My mediation grows deeper and stronger, I regain mental and physical sensation but still lack control. I am paralyzed in the lotus position waiting for my next burst of enlightenment from the universe; to my astonishment, my eyes no longer view this geometric, overseeing eye, but now a flash, and another flash. The flashes continue to grow shorter and more rapid. The flashing grows deeper and more intense, with each flash sending my eyes into an ever growing, clenching lock. I felt my eyes going crossed beyond my control. My eyes were not opening any time soon, but to my bewilderment, another eye was waiting. This eye did not hold the key to knowledge of the outside universe, but the inward universe. Its lids greeted my unresting attention like a poor man approaching a castle door. My eyes took one more clench, and I felt my eyes cross a little more; the eye opened. The eye opened and I did not see what was around me, in me, leaving me, or loving me; I saw everything. I saw the room I was in, my body I was living in, the soul that surrounded me, the energy that was entering and leaving my body, the energy of the universe surrounding me, in me, being a part of me. I felt all the love, hate, fear, and suffering of the world. I knew that I was the reason for everyone's pain, and everyone's joy. I knew that we are all one, and we are all individuals. I learned that every man, woman, and child on this planet is capable of unlimited love, or unlimited hate; and it is no one's decision of how much of each you give and who you give it to besides you. Upon these realizations, I went up stairs to the dog that I absolutely hated, and took him on a walk; played with him and gave him food. I do not like this dog, but I will love it. After this one trip, I will never be the same; but I cannot say it affected me in an ill way. Everything is good and bad, context is what determines its true name.