It all happened at a 3 day music festival. It was our second day and I was pretty tired from the previous night’s MDMA, alcohol and doobie sessions. I was pretty stoned right before I decided to take it, my heart jumped a tiny bit when I got offered a tab. I don’t remember the exact dosage of it, for I was pretty ignorant, and still probably am, but I thought – “Fuck it, once in a lifetime, hey?” I did not really know anything about Acid, or even what the effects would be. To be honest I did not even know Acid was slang for LSD, or that these small sheets were dipped in the liquid chemical that is LSD. I thought the tabs were a solid form of the dug. I had succumbed to group pressure. I did not mind though, all of us were pretty close, and I don’t even think the “main mac” of our group has ever taken LSD in any large dose, because he later said he never experienced any sort of visuals, or hallucinations before, neither did he that night. As we all stood in a circle, me and one of my friends each took a full tab. The other two (main mac and his disciple) split theirs in two, and had only half a tab.
It was 6pm and directly after each of us dropped we proceeded from our camping ground to the stage where a band I liked was playing. I noticed some slight changes in my senses. I felt slightly drunk as the band kept playing. The “crew” I dropped with disappeared, and I was all by myself.
Luckily I saw one of my good college buddies and his girlfriend and rejoiced with delight upon seeing them.
“What'sup!?” we exclaimed in laughter and surprise, fist bumped and hugged.
“Shit, so glad I found you guys!” I laughed.
About 20 minutes passed when the band finished. Together the three of us walked towards the “Redbull Trance Stage”. It sat at the bottom of a very steep hill that was scattered with small to large rocks with a few acacia trees here and there and absolutely packed with people encapsulated in ecstatic dance. The stage was big, square, blue and red, and colours from the whole spectrum shot out from lasers and lights illuminating the otherwise completely dark surroundings. Large black speakers bellowed the deep, melodic house tunes. The DJ stood like a god orchestrating the whole crowd’s movements and vibes.
At first we sat at the very top of the hill. Again I was reunited with past friends long since seen. Again I was delighted of finding some grip in reality. They decided to smoke a joint. I unbeknownst chimed in on the toking. At this point the strangeness of the high started setting in. My limbs and hands felt watery. It felt like I was sweating, but I wasn’t hot at all. I noticed the link between thinking and speaking started to blur. My voice sounded clear and melodic. As I was sitting I looked at a friend, and he smiled at me. His smile seemed to go from one ear to the other and his whole face looked extremely thin and sharp, quite demonic, I thought. I was still in control at this moment, so I knew it was only the drug, although I was a bit terrified.
“I just took some acid”
(Whoa, what’s up with my voice? Why the fuck is he smiling at me like that?)
“Really? Nice man! Have you done it before?”
“Yeah, like three times” I lied.
“Haha, awesome dude” His overwhelming glance and smile glaring back at me.
(Just the drugs…Just the drugs)
Another friend came into the conversation and stood above me. He lost a lot of weight recently. As he stood over me, his whole body seemed to extend far into the air. His face even more twisted, sharpened and strangely silky.
I decided to go with it.
“You look different man!”
“No, no…Not a compliment…I mean, you look really strange”
I felt good.
I like dancing. At the thought of this I immediately jumped up and convinced everyone to join me at the very front of the stage. My friend’s girl gave me a cigarette.
I was convinced they all knew that I was on some heavy shit…I was convinced they were as well. As I was making my way down the very unstable hill, I noticed my legs felt spaghetti-like stretching what seemed like meters in front of me. I took a drag.
The cigarette seemed extremely silky in texture, long and beautiful. The smoke looked alive and beating.
We pushed ourselves to the front.
Before this moment, I have not really paid attention to the music. Suddenly I heard sounds I have never before heard. Strange, heavenly beats emulated from an unknown source.
Usually, it took effort in order to even listen to a song but now - not only was I listening very clearly and very naturally – I was feeling, seeing the music. It had an undefinable amount of dimensions. It felt unreal yet so natural – as if it was meant to be listened to in this way, as if it was written for me - for this moment.
The DJ had complete control of me. With every bass drop he pulled me apart and rearranged me. I was taller than everyone, I started to become part of the sound waves, I would retract, become normal again. It was amazing. I was dancing. I made jokes. “I’m a fucking rainbow!” I would tell people around me, and they would laugh, and someone would ask “What the hell did YOU take?”, and I would say “Mmmustard Sauce” and giggle, and they would giggle.
Eventually the DJ’s session was over. I started walking towards the next stage alone. Upon my arrival I noticed an abnormal silence throughout the whole venue broken only by what seemed to be gentle chimes and distant whistles coming from the next stage. I felt like I was in some other fantastical, ancient place filled with magic. Everything everywhere was covered in luminous silk, beautiful and engaging - everything flowed and breathed.
Now I could only see a few people in the landscape of the festival. It felt like everyone I saw was on the same high as me, tripping we found each other in this wondrous realm of an alternate reality.
An afro wearing white dude was laying down some intense riffs on his guitar. He would say things about our world we are now in - how this is what we have come here to do, to have fun, to have pleasure. As I stood by myself to the side of the stage the music was flowing through me. Whereas the trance had pulled me apart, it seemed as if I was elevated by the melodic indie sounds. My body would flow with each strum, far up into the skies - I became air, water, fire, earth.
I was dancing beautifully, enchantingly. Others joined around me.
I opened my eyes. I and everything around me was the most clear, most beautiful liquid gold. At once I felt as if I was in the most mature world possible. Everything was brighter than I ever could have imagined!
(Holy shit, holy shit, this is the real world! I know! I am! Why has this been kept a secret from me!? For so long?)
I became sad for a moment pondering the thought of being left out.
(How could my parents have kept me out of this? My friends? Did they know? Was this their way of telling me? At a music festival? Was my whole life leading up to this moment? Am I graduating life!?)
All my worries, fears, beliefs and everything I thought I knew about the world flew straight out of my mind.
A tremendous amount of pleasure and confidence overcame me as I continued dancing in the pure ecstatic revelations of my mind. I was merging, sexually with everything and everyone around me. I was having overwhelmingly, extremely orgasmic, other worldly sex in some strange golden, colourful, extremely vivid liquid state with the whole spectrum of the universe, every organism, everything was alive and making love!
I was being worshipped, thanked and praised in orgasmic, drawn out moans of absolute pleasure by the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen and I was the most beautiful thing that has ever existed!I and everyone were in our purest states of being.
(I'm in heaven! I'm God! I always knew this! How could I have forgotten! I created all of this for me! Just for me! Oh...God! I'm everyone, everything! Me, an average man-child of 21 years of age! Me, from a boring town, a boring life! It was me! Only me! Thank you! Thank you!)
There are no words to describe the ultimate pleasure and love for myself, others and everything I felt at that moment.
At the end of the climax I receded in solitude towards the back of the stage. I lied down slowly on the soft, smooth grass in tremendous relief and satisfaction. A few of the girls from our heavenly orgy came and stood over me. They smiled down and asked if I was all right.
“Yes…” I said smiling contently.
"I just wish someone would skip this shitty music" I joked.
They laughed and smiled back.
I closed my eyes.
What happened next cannot be described in words but some images remain:
As if going through an endless row of doorways I was shown kindly, by everyone I had ever known, the true reality of the world. My guides were older, younger, different looking versions of me at different times of my eternal life - they knew everything I was, everything I am and everything I was to become - they accepted me unconditionally with the most tremendous amount of love.
I was shown where all began and all ended. It was shown clearer now that I, everyone and everything in the whole universe was god - in the most selfish, pleasurable, guilt free way imaginable - times infinity. Further than what our earthly bound minds could possibly comprehend.
(I always knew. I always knew! I just had to remember! Oh, how could I have forgotten!)
I was embraced, lifted in celebratory applause and wonderful grace as the crescendo of the most beautiful music ever constructed chimed in crystal clarity throughout all of the universe.
I was elevated far into the sky, the stars and the galaxy - far above myself, our world and all existence.
At the edge of the universe was a large circular mechanism of infinite proportion. Interlocking it shifted, heavily, cranking open to expose the darkest of dark places at its centre.
I was now looking down on existence, lovingly, accepting all as it is as it was and as it always will be.
I entered the void – a place of peace and calamity impossible to describe.
Time, space and everything in between disappeared for all eternity. I was nothing. No one.