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Fist TRIP Amanita
Dose: Dried Amanitas 3 caps (apprx. 7 gr. dried weight)
Body Type: Male 50 years 220Lbs.
Taken: 11:30am - Eating dried out caps tastes sweet and quite good.
Background: Ok so first test was really 5 gr. dried. I had a slight trippy 3D and contrast effect along with a drunken body and a straight mind. Not much to report - I slept mostly as it was at night. Today I upped the dosage slightly by 2gr to 7gr. to see what happens in the daytime, when I am not sleepy.
Sidenote: Amanitas are a great antibiotic BTW. I sucked on a piece of dried cap next to a bad tooth and my toothache disappeared.
By about 13:30 I was noticing a good deal of drunkenness and had slight trouble controlling my walk. My head was uber cool and I observed the effects sober from inside. It is a strange feeling of disassociation, which is accompanied by a loss of tiny fragments of memory. That's the only way I can describe it, as pieces of memory that have either been jumped over, or never even existed, get jumbled together into the now experience. I am picking weeds in the garden, and this repetitive processing of small bits of plant material becomes somehow connected to my internal processing of now. Each weed I pick marks the now moment, it is similar to the next moment, and similar to the next weed, I start to imagine that they are all just attempts at versions of a perfect weed and a perfect now. The perfection is never possible to create, and the timeline is a constant stream of attempts at perfection. Each weed and each moment is different not better or worse just different.
As the drug starts to take effect, it affects my vision. I start to see two versions of reality. It's like watching a film cut together from two different cameras placed close to each other, and both show the scene directly in front of me my mind is jump cutting from one camera to the other. Maybe I am aware of each eye now, and it is being processed separately by my consciousness now. It's quite confusing at first and eventually builds up so that what I see is a constant jittery stream of visual versions of reality jump cut together. More versions come and the jumps between them become more noticeable. I have no idea which of these is real anymore as there are so many cuts in my reality film. They are all real I know, I realise this there is nothing wrong with my perception right now, my analysis or my reasoning. None of these visions show anything that is not directly in front of me, but each view is slightly different the angle is wider, or slight to the left, or the black is more in contrast, edges are smoother, or the orange is highlighted, or the grey becomes a darker or lighter shade. Small details are highlighted more in some versions than others. None of it is affected by any other visual weirdness, it is not trippy in the sense of wavy psilocybin colours or 3D contrast kind of hallucinogenic. Each view is some totally normal view or reality.
14:00 As this feeling progresses, more and more versions of reality are added, I become quite confused with the visual world I'm in. Imagine my mind as a store of film frames. I now have 10 or more cameras all feeding versions of now into my reality. It is also at this point that some of the visual information starts to appear to come in on a delay. Adding this into the mix creates a very confusing version of what 'now' really is anymore. I am totally cool inside and looking out at this strange film trying to work out what is now and what was then. I also get the idea that some of the cameras are actually feeding me visuals of future events. My real experience of now is lost somewhere among these many versions of now, then & in a while. It a crazy situation. I have lost my grasp of time. I have a general idea of where I am, because if I stay still I am aware that my surroundings do not change, but movement is tricky as it becomes a jittery mixture of different scenes, frames of then, now and soon. So I decide to go inside into the safe haven of my musicroom where I will play guitar and experiment with the concept of now in a musical way.
On the way to my musicroom I take a piss (no I didn't drink it). The toilet is mixed with intermittent frames and visuals of knobs and dials on my preamp and guitar amp in my musicroom. I have to admit that the images are very vivid, even though I'm not even in that room yet (or am I?). I work out that if I'm still in the toilet, which I'm pretty logically sure I am, then they must come from my memory, as I am fully aware of the effect of Ibotenic acid on the Hippocampus. I make a mental note that this kind of clarity of reasoning would be impossible on Psilocybin, visuals like this would result in triggering all kinds of panic in the emotional landscape. On Amanitas I am as cool as the proverbial cucumber.
In my musicroom I attempt to play the guitar. I can play roughly, but speed and dexterity are beyond me right now, so I opt for some easy going slow feeling type stuff. I am aware of phrasing in a whole new way. Each musical phrase becomes totally separated from the next. In the composition software (logic) I can see each track has a colour and the modular nature of my composition is very obvious and visible. In my mind I am also thinking in a modular way, groupings for each phrase and organized structures. Each musical phrase I attempt to play (I am improvising) is separated and almost in a different universe/reality. It is totally impossible to make any connection between phrases and realities. Usually I don't play licks (phrases), I play towards points in the composition, which involves very much the linear line of time and the concept of flow - but in this Amanita induced state, the flow is interrupted as any grasp of now, later and when is impossible. I can't produce any lengthy coherent musical statement that could be considered music, at least to me. The composition I have written also does not make any sense to me now, even though I know it is a very simple logical extension of a minor blues. Nothing out of the ordinary, but in my state it has no musical quality to it whatsoever. I can't jam in this state. I am not interested in music right now, I don't understand it anymore. I don't understand time. Music seems too logical, dependent on time, almost like maths. Groupings of time, phrases over chords, vertical music with no horizontal flow. Time is really weird for me right now. I feel great though - no problems accepting it at all. I have no troubles at all, I just accept it for what it is. I sit for a while confused with the visual nature of this state and wonder what I can do. When I stand I am drunk. I am also quite tired and yawn quite a bit (there is no serotonin buzz like yawning on Psilocybin!). I decide to close my eyes and lie down to see what kind of entertainment my mind might offer unaccompanied by my visual state of disorientation. My mind didn't offer me anything - I slept from about 14.30 until about 18.30! Oh no, the killer sedative struck again.
13.40 - 18.30 - Dreams a plenty - but none I can remember.
18.30 - I awake with a nice contented and happy feeling - serotonin I think. I am on top of the world. There is a slight very dull time disorientation if I look for it, but I am much more on the normal timeline now, and oddly I notice that it is accompanied by a slight alteration of 3D perception and contrast. A TINY bit like psilocybin trippyness, that happy warm feeling of what I believe to be caused by serotonin, but without any visual twirly patterns or feelings of creeping doubt or anxiety in the mind of any kind. In fact until now I have never experienced any feelings on Amanitas - even when my visuals went mad - I have been very uber cool and collected throughout.
I go downstairs and excuse myself with the family. 'Sorry I fell asleep - I must have been tired!'. I give them all a hug - why not? Happiness makes the heart grow fonder as they say. On Psilocybin I would be conscious of even going downstairs, let alone hugging with all kinds of associated and attached emotions and feelings that would bubble into mind and take over - on the back end of this Amanitas experience I am in total control, happy and feel better than ever. I went outside to the weeds again, and had a nice talk to my neighbour (we don't usually talk). I feel very happy and like a human being again - no stress.
22.00: Edited this log and now feel as if it's business as usual. I.e. Things to do, nagging at me. I still have the sense though that I did something good, or that I had a vacation or something. I can't wait to go to bed again - to sleep the wonderful sleep.
Conclusion: I slept mostly again! But this time I really got a taste of what Amanitas might do besides sending me into never never land. I dare say that with any dosage over 7Gr. I might need a babysitter, even at my age and with my experience of tripping (extensive Psilocybin total abuse over 20 years) my timeline was really messed up and I couldn't really function because of the realness of it. I was very confused, even though I had total control in my mind - I couldn't trust what I was seeing, and I was very drunkenly incapable of simple things. So it would be nice to have someone to make sure that when I go further in, I don't get into any trouble. Next time I'm going for a measly 10 grams - 'Slowly does it Mr Helmsman'. Well OK, I'm not hardcore, but at 50, I don't have to be :) - also, there was a BIG difference from 5gr. to 7 gr. so let's experience the 2gr. step shuffle and see what's around the corner.