LSD 250mics, goodtrip and badtrip

This report is going to be about one of the best but at the same time worst psychedelic trips I have ever had.

Let me go through some background information about myself first. I had taken some psychedelics in the past but I did not have much experience with LSD. I took Cid  once prior to this experience and it was one of the most uplifting and beautiful experiences I have had in my whole life, I felt completely reborn and enlightened under the trip and that was the reason why I was going to do it again but this time I wanted to invite two specific friends witch I considered prepared enough for the psychedelic experience. This seems so ironic now since I was the one having the bad trip and I thought I was strong enough and that I would never have a downward experience.

So the day of the trip I went to school as usual, the only I thing I could think of was how the trip was going to be and I could not concentrate in school at all. I was going to trip with this girl (let’s call her J and one of my other friends, let’s call him R). Immediately when school ended I rushed home with R and saw that we had received the package with the sugar cubes, we got really excited. I immediately texted J and told her to meet us at the closest metro station. When we met we all were really excited and headed to my summer place where we had planned to trip. On the way there we the created playlist which we were going to be listening too. My summer place is on an island so we decided to eat the cubes before driving the boat there, the cubes just tasted sugar and it was a good sign since CID should not be tasting anything, I took about 250mics, R about the same and J 200 mics. When we got to the house we just sat down in the living-room and meditated to some ‘’Ohm-Chanting’’. About 15 minutes later it started to come on us, colors started to get brighter and I could feel the Chemical reaching my brain. The come on was much stronger than the last time I took CID but I just kept my cool and went with the flow. We all laid down on the floor and watched the wooden roof at our house morphing and transforming into flowering wooden water, for a moment the roof seemed to have every dimension simultaneously (roof, wall, floor) and I was just a consciousness perceiving the roof as a roof, I could not feel my body existing and I myself was just an idea of who I was and an impression of what other people had given me of who is was. I asked J and R if they wanted to hold hands since human contact is so calming while tripping, it almost seems as you can send information and energies to the other person while in contact with someone else. While watching the roof I went through a bunch of different emotions. I was plunged out into the universe and connected with the collective consciousness of the human mind and I could see how the human mind and the world was going to through a big crisis of consciousness, it almost seemed as we had stopped ourselves from evolving the human mind and creating a paradise world to live in and our future children to enjoy. I felt as humans had doomed themselves by making these mind altering substances illegal and forgetting why they are illegal in the first place. I was really worried that my children or children from future generations would have to go through so much pain and that they would have to suffer because of the things humans are doing here on earth now. So many people are being mislead and not knowing what they want in life, when I see people in the street they all seem to have these ‘’sad masks’’ on and I understand why. So many people are living to reach their dream of wealth and happiness and working so hard every day not realizing that happiness only comes from relations with other people and the impact we have on each other. People think they have a free will and that they can do anything they want but at the same time they wake up every morning to their job in hope to make some money they can come home to enjoy, but since they have been working all day they are exhausted and don’t have enough energy to spend time with their family and do the stuff they really enjoy doing in life. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of people who really do their dreams  and I really respect that since they have realized that the only way to be happy is to keep working on their hopes and dreams. Another thing that caught my attention while watching the roof was ‘’who really was Jesus Christ?’’. I could feel that he was one of the people that had experienced same kind of mystical psychedelic experience and realized that he was son of God ( the creator of his life) which we all are and understood how he could change how people behave. How? you ask, I do not know but the messages and teachings Jesus gave really do lead to a life of Goddess if understood properly, I think the Christians misinterpreted the message Jesus wanted to give us and they took it too literally. The Christians understood Jesus as ‘’The son of God’’ and thought he was the only one there is and the only one to come, not realizing that what he really meant is was that we all are one and we all are sons of God and are able to make as much impact on other people as Jesus himself. The music we were listening too seemed to play really fast, one song felt like 10 seconds. Suddenly the music stopped and it felt like the whole world shattered and we all stood up and laughed, our laughter echoed and it sounded so hilarious. This is when we started drawing, it was really beautiful and it looked like the color just poured down the pen and transformed to amazing geometrical patterns but I was really distracted by the patterns on the white paper so I did not get a lot down. Now we felt like going outside, it was raining and cloudy but still decided to walk into the woods. It sounded like a good idea at first but the raining and the cloudy weather really gave me a bad mood for some reason and the further we went inside the woods the worse my mood was getting. My friends were talking about random stuff and I was quiet most off the time, I was really confused about why we were in the middle of a cold and rainy forest and for some reason I was getting a more and more alarming feeling about being there and I wanted to go back to the house. This is where everything started to go wrong, I should have never  told my friends that I started to have a confused feeling since this made them like a reflection on me with a confused vibe about why I was having these feelings. At one pint their personalities did not match the memory on how I remembered them and for a moment they switched personalities and R was talking like J and J was talking like I remembered R. This just made me more confused and I started to freak out and the more I told them that I was confused the more confused they got towards me. For a while it seemed like I was in a psychedelic trap and that some demon had taken over my talking and the only thing I could do is to think of how stupid and awkward everything I was saying sounded, this was horrible. I kept telling my friends that I had this purely confused feeling, complete inconclusiveness and unsettledness, a feeling off falling out and not knowing anything slowly accumulated to a greater feeling of identity loss. We started to walk back to the house and I sat down in the sofa and I felt a bit better for a moment but immediately when my friends came into the house and started talking it all started going wrong again, the things they were talking about seemed like some shady plot to make me crazy, even though I now know that they only were talking about normal stuff and about me being confused it all seemed too real. I was not able to do anything else then sit and listen to what they were talking about and I was getting really mad at myself and my friends. At one point I thought I was completely insane and I forgot that I had taken CID, at some point my friends started to get a bit irritated at me since my vibe was all over the room and everyone could feel it. R tried to calm me down and told me that it is all in your mind witch freaked me out even harder since if it all was in my then why could I not come over this feeling, J told me that everything is fine and that I do not have to adjust my talking to my thinking and that I just have to be my own personality and be myself, the things they were saying sounded so familiar and i remembered my own ideology of thought patterns but for some reason I could not live them at the moment and come out of this extremely confused state. I was extremely mad that my friends had to tell me these things on how to be even though I knew everything they were telling me from before but at the same time I could not, not by any chance be myself. Everything I now even tried to say made me stop in the middle of the sentence or just did not make any sense and my friends just looked at me like I was weird so I decided to just keep quiet but this made me feel so alone and disconnected to my friends.  I had no clue what to do and what to say and my identity loss was getting just worse for every moment. My personality did not match the things I was trying to say and the things my friends were saying and doing just seemed like they were conspiring over me, every single eye movement they made to each other and the subtle laughs and talks they were having all seemed to be against me. I tried multiple times behave myself and talk in a normal matter and keep the positive vibe going but immediately when I said the slightest thing it all went to the bottom again. At one point I just wanted to play the piano, we went upstairs were the bedrooms are located and I tried to play something, It went quite well but it seemed like my friends did not like it at all and I asked my other friend to play. I laid down on one of the beds and J laid next to me, I felt secure and positive feelings poured through her body, I felt so jealous on my friends since they were having the time of their lives and I was having this schizophrenic-like experience. R played some piano and it sounded so calm and amazing and I could have listened to that the rest of the evening. We went down to make some food, this was also just an awful idea and the reason I wanted to do it was just to keep my mind off the crazy patterns I was having. The food making did not make things better for me, I kept stumbling my words and the things I was doing did not make any sense. I was over obsessed with wanting to make my friends happy or having to favor them all the time, this felt so stupid like I was a doll that was doing everything for no reason. My friends seemed flawless and were keeping up the awesome vibe while I was still completely lost and had no clue of what to be or say, I felt like my presence just made things worse and felt so guilty too destroying their vibe since I knew how good they had in the moment. Now my mum called me and my phone died when I tried to answer, I should have understood that karma was trying to tell me not to talk to my mum but I insisted to calling my mum through my friends phone. My mum answered and asked when I was going to be home, she sounded angry and asked me where is was and I told her I was with my friends on our summerplace and this was the worst thing I could have said since the clock was 11 pm and the sun had gone down long ago. My father heard that we still were on the island and screamed that we were not aloud at any circumstances to drive the boat back in the dark. I told him we wouldn’t but I knew we had too since J was going to Sweden the next morning. This was going to be scary, driving the boat on Cid in the middle of the night was quite hard but we made it to the last bus and thank God my parents were sleeping when I got home.

I think I know why my trip spiraled into identity-loss and I now know how to prevent this from happening again.

Thank you for reading!