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My salvia experiences.
Reality tearing in half.
I regularly do salvia. Sometimes several times in a week. I suffer from PTSD, and I had read the benefits of using psychedelics for such things. I rarely turn down an opportunity to do a psychedelic... with the exception of DMT. I want to do it, super bad, but it wasn't a good place or with the right people around. (They where dark, and their reality was dark... no bueno.)
I had ordered the salvia online, a gram of x20. I was pretty nervous about it, as I had never done anything that powerful at the time.
My first time was at home, with my then boyfriend as my sitter. I laid on the bed, took a small hit, on top of weed. It wasn't long before I felt the effects. They where not as intense as i had hoped, though I did see visuals, and a strong body sensation as though my skin had turned to liquid, but not in a way that was frightening. I just felt wet? It was colorful, and the visuals where familiar to me somehow. Best way I can describe it is that smurfs had been trying to smash- dancing through my walls, except they where in all colors, not just blue. I did not get disassociated with reality this time around. The after effect was calming, and I felt a sense of well being.
The next time I did it was about a week later. This time I had put more of it in the pipe, less weed. Same environmental circumstances. I had felt a more intense body high. The sensation was more centered to the center of my forehead, where one would describe the "third eye" to me. I felt as though something was tapping me there, and I could feel as though the herb was trying to open me up. I could see the same breaking apart of the room. No smurfs this time though. It was very colorful. it was at this point where I realized I was fighting the experience. I think the fear of losing reality was part of the problem. Same afterglow. I felt great.
I had decided to find a way to help ease me in to it a little better. I looked for videos online I had thought would help me from being distracted from the room and open my head space while tripping, and I did it when my room was dark, and my ex was not present with in the room. I put head phones on, turned on the music video to Liquid Strangers "The Gargon". This did indeed help me disconnect from reality to a degree I do not think I could have given my fear of disconnect. While I was watching the video, I noticed that it looked more 3D then it had watching sober. It also felt as though the music was "bigger" and speaking to me. "Let go, we are the voice. You will be OK". Then it told me that god is not what I think it is., and I will see for myself. It was a little scary, and my after effect was not the same as the other two times. I was a little disturbed, as though something I thought I had knew was pretty much destroyed before me. I did not do it again for 3 months. I needed to make sense of it?
The next time, I had music on, but I closed my eyes. This was the key to really immersing into it. It was incredible. I felt I was teetering on the edge of reality. Like I was literally sitting on the edge of something. The music had melted away, i could barely hear it. Even though I had headphones on. It sounded like it was behind me. Everything around me was black and white, with flashes of color. I sat on the edge this place, and I wanted to go further, but I couldn't. I could still feel a little bit of that fear tapping on my shoulder. Keeping me back. I could hear the voices in front of me telling it was OK to go to them, but I needed to hurry. It was almost time for me to go home. I did not make it. When I came back, my ex said I was smiling and laughing, and the first thing I said at the end of my trip was "That was fun." When I came back, I felt happy. I felt like I was glowing. The fear I had previously, seemed to vanish, and I looked forward to going back.
After that losing reality was easy. The next time I did it, I was in a state forest I frequently visit, sitting in my car. I had been doing training workshops at my job, and was staying at a hotel, so I figured I could use the disconnect. I had no fear, I filled my one hit chillum with salvia alone, and I was in. I had such a feeling of deja vu. Like I was going home, like this reality was completely torn away, and I was in a place where I was supposed to be? I'm not sure how describe what I saw. I felt a presence, I could hear the voices- clearly. Something better is coming my way, trust yourself. I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to get out of the toxic relationship I was in. When I came back I had tears running down my face, I felt like I discovered myself for the first time and at which point, while driving home, I realized I was in a toxic relationship that needed to end. The very next day, my ex came to my work and caused a scene because he apparently could not handle me being gone for a week. It was a little odd, really, because I was trying to figure out how to leave him, and he handed it to me on a silver platter. This had nothing to do with the salvia, though somehow I feel it brought the subconscious thought to the surface at just the right time.
Sounds crazy, I know. I had done it several more times after, and each time it seems that whatever I hear while I am gone, seems to be something helping with a worry I have. Almost like I am able to communicate with my own subconscious.
Since then, I feel I have been able to tackle man y aspects of my life that I have been really afraid to before.
I am getting ready to buy more, and I am thinking this time to getting a slightly stronger concentration. :D
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