No cliffnotes. If you don't want to read it you don't have to.
Here we go...
I had had a long day at work. The previous night I had worked about 12 hours because the engineering team had been slacking and hadn't put together a technical solution for a proposal that was due out. Typical British engineering procrastination.
I got a call from my contact that she had gotten a hold of some shrooms and I decided I would try them. No matter what, I knew it was time for that spiritual experience. Around 8:00pm I leave my job to meet my contact. Already running about 30 minutes late I was in a bit of irritation and haste... My buddy Ramses calls me.
"Hey Oz, I’m not going clubbing tonight... Wanna swing by and pick me up?"
So I groaned with annoyance and shot back up the freeway in the opposite direction and picked his ass up. We then drove down to the west side to get the bags. Decided to grab 15g in case others wanted to try it out.
On the way to my friends' apartment in JV, I decided to start munching on a bag (3-3.5g). We made a detour to drop one bag off with another friend of mine, by that time I was feeling goofy. I was chuckling a little bit. I could tell things were just a little bit off, a little bit goooofy.
I let my buddy take over the wheel and we continue on our drive north to JV.
I start officially tripping. My friends face looks nuts. A different shade of color. I notice that my attention is being caught specifically by the lights, shadows, and nuances of vision that nobody generally pays attention too. I'm thrilled, it's just like a 2CI trip at this point in time. I also notice that for some reason my friend is fidgeting a lot? Perhaps it’s a bit of paranoia associated with the trip starting... Or perhaps it was paranoia associated with his retarded driving. The guy drives very fucking jerky and he was speeding and tailgating a bit which was disconcerting.
I've no officially lost it. I'm tripping hard. We decide to stop for some gas. I realize I should stay inside the car so I give Ramses my ATM card and let him do his thing. There's moisture on the front windshield. And as I’m waiting for him to finish filling the tank... I see the white moisture slowly torn apart into shapes like this:
That was my windshield. The windows of my car were slowly breathing and moving inwards, and outwards... The dashboard was molding itself and becoming larger, then smaller. All of a sudden the cabin of the car became vast, HUGE... Then it was amazingly small and confining, and caused a bit of claustrophobia.
Ramses opened the door and hopped back in. We were very close to our friends' apartment and made it there safely.
We walk inside (me with a little bit of trouble considering the ground looks hilly although its pavement...) and say hi to everybody. Head out to the balcony for a smoke...
I am officially tripping BALLS. The grass looks just like the carpet design above... Except for it's animated... EXTREMELY animated... Every few moments the very balcony I’m standing on is becoming larger... Then smaller... Then larger...
I am the only one tripping. Others are drinking and smoking some of my fine fucking dank but no worries, right? Wrong. I immediately start to feel anxious... I feel that I shouldn't have eaten shrooms if I’m the only person that'll be tripping. In addition, two of my friends Jose and Ramses were having girl problems at the time, and were only planning on drinking/smoking to get their minds of things. The other two friends (Chuck and Ruby) whose apartment I was in were planning on doing just the same. I felt that I was crossing lines because I couldn't really communicate with anyone at this point, I could barely speak in sentence fragments, much less sentences.
I'm looking at my clock constantly. I have never been this disoriented in my life. I have absolutely no idea where I am... How I arrived... What day it is or even what time it is. When asked about my disorientation the only thing I can really say is "I can't even explain it. "
I'm now officially starting on a bad trip. I begin sweating. Everything looks insane. Not to mention everyone is absolutely annoying. We stand up there for awhile and I stay off the corner, simply watching the grass and trying to relax and enjoy it. After a few more minutes we go inside and everyone starts watching some TV.
I decide that I’m going to go inside their room and lay down for a bit. I want it to stop. It's very uncomfortable, not the tripping itself, but the fact that I couldn't communicate with anyone else that I was tripping so hard. The fact that it felt like I was ruining every ones night.
The room I was in was dark; I probably should have turned the lights on... But with my intention of taking a nap I suppose I didn't. I lay down and closed my eyes however I was tripping so hard that the room did not disappear as it should have. Everything remained. As if I hadn't even just SHUT my eyes.
I'm starting to enjoy it a bit. The ceiling fan looks nuts; it's off, but looks nuts. Like a harlequin laughing. Like an array of guns (a la The Mask when he pulls out 50 huge Tommy guns and shit)... All sorts of craziness. I'm seeing shapes, three dimensional and two dimensional floating about the room.
I'm on the edge of comfort and anxiety, it's very disconcerting.
After a few minutes I decide that I need to talk to someone. I call Chuck inside the room and shut the door and sit down. I am utterly convinced that everyone outside is pissed off because I’m tripping balls and screwing up the night (although I later learned that was not the case). I start by asking him...
Me: "I know everything’s fucked now, and I’ve crossed a lot of lines... What should I do right now to make this right? What should I do? Should I just go home? Or go to sleep?"
Him: ...... What do you mean by "What have you fucked up?"
Etc. This conversation continues and nothing is solved. I simply can't communicate properly.
He leaves the room and I lay there tripping in the dark for awhile longer.
I go outside for some water and back onto the balcony while everyone’s watching TV, for a cigarette. The anxiety starts the die down.
At this point, I am tripping so hard that I don't really know what was said or what happened. Only hazily and based on what everyone else told me...
I walk inside and Jose has gotten a phone call. We need to go pick up Raymond, another friend of mine. I'm talking to Ruby at this point and say something weird and she walks off into her room. I thought perhaps I had upset her but wasn't sure. I look over to Jose and nod, let’s go pick him up! I look back over to Ruby and Chuck's room, chuck has gone inside.
I take a few steps into the room... I see everything in disarray. Broken furniture, glass, shit everywhere. I hear the shower turn on in the bathroom... I am utterly convinced that she has tried to commit suicide. My jaw drops. I turn to Ramses and Jose... "What the fuck do we do?" "We have to call the fucking COPS man!" "We have to fucking call the cops!" "Should I call 911?!"
Jose and Ramses are high as fuck so they look to me like they're crying. They look at me as if I really did cause her to kill herself. I look at Chuck as he's leaving the restroom, and he looks visibly sad and angry.
I. Am. Freaking. Out.
Then something shifts in my mind? I'm not sure how, but Ruby walks back out. She was just taking a shower? Now I’m really confused...
"BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD? "
She shakes her head and smiles.
I give her a solid fucking minute of .
Now they tell me again (Chuck and Ruby) that we need to go pick up Raymond. I look over at Ramses and Jose and for some reason think that Chuck, Ruby, and I are leaving for good. That we aren't coming back. That Ramses and Jose just can't be our friends anymore. They look like they're crying again... I don't know what to do. Ramses seems to keep saying "Just go man. Go on man. Just GO man. Whatever..."
I felt that the circle of friends was being torn apart.
I had to go. I left. We were driving... The lights were insane. I was sitting up front and Chuck was behind the wheel...
I see a cop car pass... I am now UTTERLY convinced that the cops are chasing us. I keep asking them why the cops are chasing us. It's confusing. Chuck and Ruby tell me again we're going to pick up Raymond and that he's had a hard day and wants to kick it with us.
I am now convinced that Raymond has tried to kill himself.
That we're being chased by cops for speeding... But that we're speeding insanely fast because we're hurrying to make it to Raymond's house to make sure he's alive.
We arrive at Raymond's and we stop... I now think the cops are behind us with guns drawn. Chuck and Ruby ask me for a cigarette so I take one out and hand it to them both. I thought they wanted the cigs so the cops wouldn't smell marijuana or liquor on us.
I. Am. Freaking. Out.
Raymond runs up to the car and gets in.
I yell: "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD?! "
We are now driving back to JV to their apartment. I am still convinced the cops are chasing me. I keep asking them if there is a way out. Is there a way we can escape? Is there a way we don't go to prison? During this entire drive back, I start to realize that Chuck continues to run from the police because he doesn't want us all to go to prison. He wants to go out with a bang. In a glory of flames and wreckage. He wants to leave a mark. I start to reason with him...
"Chuck... Stop the car. Let them take me in man. I won't see any of you guys for awhile but NOBODY has to be hurt. Nobody has to die man."
This continues for awhile... I even try to grab the wheel at one point.
People are calling my phone, people whom I usually don’t speak with. I am not convinced that we are on the fucking news. I’m thinking to myself wow… Just one trip on shrooms and now I’m going straight to fucking prison. This is insane. Why hasn’t Chuck stopped the car? WHY ARE THE COPS CHASING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?
We finally arrive back at the apartment and go upstairs.
We’re all sitting around, socializing. Well, they’re socializing, and I’m completely convinced that we are barricaded into our apartment. Everyone looks like they’re crying. There is a SWAT team and helicopters outside. Snipers on the roof of neighboring buildings.
I keep asking everyone what we should do. What I should do. What is the solution? Is there a way out?
I am thinking I should kill myself. Should I kill myself? Do they want me to turn myself in so they can go free since the cops are after ME? I can’t seem to understand what I should do. When I ask… They’re confused, but try to play along in a sense.
Keep in mind this entire time I’m speaking in sentence fragments, so nobody really knows that I’m having a bad fucking trip.
Regardless… I’m pulling each person aside and talking to them one by one. Apologizing. We’re listening to music.
I am listening to these songs… Waiting for SWAT to kick down the door and shoot us all.
I am listening to these songs as if it’s the LAST time I’ll ever hear them.
I’m having my last conversations with everyone, under the distinct impression that come daybreak SWAT is raiding and taking us all out…
My friend Raymond tells us he’s going to go to the balcony for a cigarette. I think there are snipers and tell him not to go! I’m very adamant about asking him NOT to go. Not to end it like that…
He tells me again… “I’m going for a cigarette. Are you coming?”
I realize here, that he’s done waiting. He just wants to end it. He goes outside…
I nearly shed a tear. Raymond is gone. He’s now dead. I turn to Jose… “We’re never going to see Raymond again, are we?”
He is high as fuck… “Yup.”
Eventually the trip starts to wear off. Eventually I start to realize that perhaps this didn’t all just happen? The car chases? Raymond AND Ruby’s suicide attempts?
I did not believe. I kept asking everybody if it had happened. They were utterly dumbfounded. I asked them if I was going insane. Was I insane? Everybody still seemed to be teary eyed… So I asked them again… Have a gone insane? Am I convinced that this all happened but it hasn’t?
Or did it all actually happen due to my shroom trip and resulting insanity… And everyone is crying and playing along that it never really happened because it’s just a matter of time before the cops arrive and I’m sent off to the psych ward?
The effects are now weakened. I finally realize that it was all part of the trip.
I have never felt such relief in my god damn life.
That was TOO fucking real. Fucking amazing. Everything about it. So fucking god damn intense.
I contemplated giving myself up to authorities and never speaking to my friends again.
I was convinced that I had lost my mind and gone insane.
I thought two of my friends had fucking died.
I contemplated killing myself so nobody else would have to suffer.
I was ready to die or ready to never see these friends or my family for years.
I learned a lot about myself and I will shroom again… But only when everyone is willing to shroom with me so I don’t have a bad trip.
I don’t regret this trip… I really did learn a lot.