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Felt like I was reborn, but I may have ruined my friendship.
Extreme Panic Attack
So, I've been completely rattled after an experience yesterday that I can only put lightly as an "extreme panic attack". I've been reading all over the internet and it seems my reaction to it is is kind of rare and I'm really curious if anyone else out there has had this sort of reaction to shrooms.
I was drinking mushroom tea and absolutely inhaled an eighth probably within five minutes. I had several friends with me who also finished off an eighth and everyone responded pretty well to it. I started to feel the shrooms almost immediately, within probably ten minutes, and felt achingly like I had to sit down. That very shortly had me wrapped in a blanket on a bed, my friends slowly surrounding me on couches and on the floor. Within half an hour though, things began to change.
As I've been doing research, a part of me completely takes the environment in, which was a dark basement in my friend's house who I was not overly familiar with, but also my mental stability. I've been recently very shaken by some troubling times in my life, including a breakup, almost a loss of my job and my cat being hospitalized and almost dying. I thought that my friends who were all quite confident in their ability to handle mushrooms would help, but as soon as my body locked up, one dark thought suddenly spiralled exponentially and I felt I couldn't get out.
What I saw is impossible to explain because I basically got nothing but beautiful and overwhelming visuals for almost three hours. I saw spirals, I was lifted up into the sky, I saw a bright light, and I had a very strange bonding experience with one of my friends. However, this is only what I saw, which was insane, but my body went through insane amounts of strenuous and constant tension. For probably two straight hours, I felt completely stiff and lost all control over my body, mind and speech. I couldn't talk to my friends, I couldn't tell them what was wrong and I even lost control of my bladder, which ended in my friend having to help me go to the bathroom. I remember telling my friend that I wanted it to end and that I didn't know what was going on anymore and I just wanted to make it stop. I was covered in sweat and tears, lost control of my breathing and ended up forcing my friend to lay down with me and tell me that it was okay and that I was safe where I was. At one point, I tried to move and it was like my body was stuck in a permanent fetal position. The freakiest part was completely hallucinating and my friends beginning to panic because they had no idea that shrooms could affect a human being so strongly and in such a negative light.
For me, who has tried both DMT and salvia, this high was the most intense I have ever experienced. I took the shrooms at about noon and at 4:30, I finally came down and my friends all relaxed and asked me how I was feeling. Believe it or not, I was ecstatic, describing what I had felt like as "reborn", like it had opened my third eye and that I had never experienced anything like it. Unfortunately, as I then shared a few bong rips with my friends, I realized that NONE, absolutely NONE of my other friends had tripped that hard. They had made pizza, gone long boarding and had even gone as far as thinking that my tea was laced with something, even though I had had the exact same amount as anyone else. I tried to relieve them of their worries by saying I felt completely fine and that it was an awesome experience, but as they told me of how I reacted to it, I started to have my doubts and feel strong feelings of doubt and anxiety.
Within a few hours, my friends all became tense and the conversation began to die and go stale. Everyone then wanted to go home, slowly becoming gawkishly awkward and I feel 100% responsible. I've heard stories of bad trips ruining friendships, but this was just too real for me. Even when discussing the story with my friend, he seemed puzzled and unsure of how to respond to my story, but he did persist that "Nobody blames someone who has a bad trip."
I feel very isolated and my anxiety has tripled since this mushroom experience. Has anyone else felt anything like this?
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