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My first real trip, pure joy!
Iam a 35 year old man, with almost no experience with entheogens. Me and my wife have decided to go for Ayahuasca ceremony, but haven't done so yet. (Decided after we watched the documentary linked in my signature)
When i was maybe 20 I had some wild grown 'fleinsopp' (Psilocybe semilanceata) picked in north Norway and made tea from. It couldn't have been a very big dose, i remember watching Pink Floyd The Wall movie and the walls was zooming in and out with the camera zoom. But I don't remember it as a profound experience. The visual effect could have been due to expectation/imagination. There was no euphoric waves.
Around the same age during a a holiday to Holland (I now live here), we ate some dried Mexican shrooms. Remember we laughed allot and colors was brighter. Some euphoria
Whydid i trip:
A few months ago I had a bit of an Epiphany, to make a long story short: I threw away my ADD medication, quit snusing (swedish tobacco), stop drinking coffee and put my weed vaporizer into storage.
My substitute was meditation and in the beginning self hypnosis via YouTube vidz. This was more effective than any medication they could prescribe me. (My so called ADD symptoms are gone as long as i make sure to meditate daily)
Due to some very strange experiences during deep meditation, that can only best be explained as mystical experiences made me do some research. I read about how our bodies produces DMT naturally sometimes. And psilocybin is very close chemically to DMT. If it is true or not I don't know, but the feelings i had with and without psilocybin was VERY similar. Albeit amplified with psilocybin
I also turned from agnostic to spiritual. A new friend that I do not even know so well, was without knowing itpartly responsible for my 'awakening' I cant explain well why, but hetold me about mediation and it was just the way he explained it andwith the positive energy that made an impact. Buy I also think the timing for right for me to see it.
As this report is deeply personal only 3 people close to me will read it, my wife,one of my best friends, and a 'new friend' that i don't really know.
But the point is, during deep meditation I had these mystical experiences and waves of euphoric energy that i couldn't explain. got me to try psilocybin mushrooms. And also as a warm-up to our planned Ayhuasca retreat.
A few weeks ago I bough a pack of 'magic truffles' (sclerotia) at a smartshop. And on a day i was home alone i decided to try. This was apparently a strong kind and a decent dose. (15 g fresh) and had some good reviews. I chewed itwell and ate it, 45 minutes later i threw up. And all i had was a little buzzand bad nausea.
So i decided to grow some shrooms myself, but dry /powder and put in capsules. I didn't use capsule now, but more on that later.
The night before i crushed 2.5 gram of cracker dry shrooms with a pestleand mortar, prepared a glass of fresh lemon juice ( I had read somewhere this could reduce nausea, and for me it did). Made sure the house was nice and tidy. Not a very large dose from what I understand, but I'd rather start to small than to high. And you never know how potent they are i think.
I woke up feeling a bit uneasy coz I didn't sleep well (i struggle a bit with insomnia), and I was considering not to take the shrooms today. But it was a beautiful day with sun and blue sky. Cold, but i really enjoyed scraping the ice off my car , and my daughter found it really funny when she could suddenly see my face trough the window. I drove her to the kindergarten, and although she seems sad for me leaving here there I felt a buzz of energy. And decided to take the shrooms today. Turned my phone on silent and made sure no facebook window open on the PC!
I had prepared a playlist with a mix of Classical, explodingPlastics (Norwegian band), phutureprimitive, emacipator, Phaealehetc.
Fastedsince last nights dinner.
I was probably around 10:30, i sat down with the glass of shroom powder/lemon juice that i mixed before dropping my daughter to the crash. A very short meditation and then i drank it as a shot. To my big surprise the taste was not so bad. It smelled bad, but the acidity seemed to take away the taste.
I sat down in my chair and decided to meditate my way into the trip. I put on this 1 hourbineural audio/video
After around 15-20 min I remember I was thinking, ok I'm not feeling any nausea but I'm not feeling anything else. Since the truffles didn't work for me, maybe i just have very high tolerance or something?
But then it started coming, in the form of waves of euphoric pleasure.While still listening to the bineural, i could feel the vibration of the sound trough my whole body. I remember i put my arms up, and the fingers was tingling as if they were receiving positive vibrations as a sort of antenna. It was quite amazing, I was sitting there smiling and feeling so joyful.
When the bineural ended i was thinking, no i want to hear more. But then I got up and started my prepared playlist, and on the TV i put this video muted.
It hard to describe how it felt from here on. I didn't have any massive open eye visuals, other than my wall decoration moving and vibrating. I didn't see things that wasn't there, but my whole vision seemed like grainy computer pixels. Like it was digital, with this kind of matrix mesh. Hard to explain
Strangely the experience didn't scare me at all, the waves of energy was felt so familiar. They were so similar to what i have felt during deep meditation with no use of any substance. Obviously much stronger. And i certainly did feel intoxicated.
The closed eyes visual is very hard to explain well. I did see allot of vague geometrical shapes etc. But it was different than anything i would expect. It was like the senses melted together. Sound and visuals (closed eyes)become one. If i had my eyes half open the light would vibrate in the rhythm of the music. I had my eyes closed for the most part, and it was really abstract the way the music and my visuals just melted together in this symbiotic form. I don't know how to explain it better. It was really profound!
If I opened my eyes i was still in the same room, one leg firmly planted in 'reality'
And the music, ohh my god the music. I have never felt the energy for the music in that way before. Several time I got up from my chair and danced. Like i had never danced before.
One memorable song was Funnybones & Lazylegs by exploding plastics. I just felt so alive by the song, felt every vibrations from it in a physical way.
About two and a half hour after i took the shrooms, i started thinking about my wife. She knew i was taking shrooms and could be worried. When i picked up the phone I was thinking; Maybe she is worried about me, should i sent her a sms? No she would have tried to call if she was worried i said to myself. And in that second she called me!!!
It freaked me out a bit at first, but not in a bad way. This have happened maybe 5-10 time before. Picking up the phone to call her,and then she call me. But somehow it just felt so much more emotional this time. Especially as my phone was on silent and no vibration. I had held it for 5 sec, and there was the incoming call. I know this sound crazy, but she really did call, it was not a wild hallucination. My trip didn't go that deep. (she is home now by the way, and confirmed we did speak)
I picked up the phone feeling strangely clearheaded. I asked her did you really call me now, or was it me dialing by mistake ( I have a quick call icon for her) She conformed she called me and i told her what deepened. Wow happened a few times now she said! And we laughed a bit about it. I though i was gonna be able to have the full conversation with her, but when she started mentioning details about the new kindergarten schedule and prices etc. I told her she better tell me this again later, we then finished the call.
I struggled a bit writing, but had allot of fun while doing so. And i got sidetracked by this this youtube video of a guy on shrooms obsessing about the pizza man i watched the day before. Was quite funny. Someone commented hail the pizza man which i found hilarious.
Then I went back to listen to music mostly with my eyes closed, and up to dance from now and then. I was really happy and joyful. The melding of sound and closed eye visuals got a bit stronger, or felt stronger. Its funny i can't really define if i felt saw or heard.With my eyes closed it was one big happy joyful mush.
At some point i was dancing with my t-shirt until i realized how stupid it was.
Onthe way down
At some point i paused my prepared playlist and restarted the bineural youtube video.
After a little while the trip turned a bit more serious. Or at least with serious undertones. I started thinking about one of my oldest and closest friends. That have been struggling with similar problems as myself. Although we are very different in many ways, we have been very good friends since we were 6-7 years old. I was thinking how I could help him as meditation have helped me so profoundly . Then realizing everyone needs to heal at their own pace. Or in other words need to find their path in their own way. And i haven't told him about my new found spirituality, worried a bit on how he would think of that. Then realizing it was silly to worry over that.
Then i was thinking about my new friend that without knowing it kick-started me on to this new path. Making me realize that taking prescribed amphetamines was just limiting me and creating more problems in the long run.
And then my wife and how proud I am of her for being a great mother to our daughter, and how we are improving our relationship now. The I decided to write all this stuff down before i forget, and mid-writing my wife came home.
Ok that was a very personal story, and allot longer that i planned. I'm still not completely down yet, so I'm gonna go out for a walk now.
Back from a short walk, that was quite amusing. Came out to a busy street with traffic jam (Blocked by a delivery truck). And some funny looking people. One man was walking so funny it was hart to look serious. I had to look away, and then I covered by mount with my scarf. I just could stop smiling. Came to the canal and saw a swan that had blood on the tail, picking on it. Felt a bit sad for it, but then realized there isn't much i could do for it and moved on.
So that was my first real trip. Next time (which will be a while too) I will try a slightly higher dose. For any experienced psychonauts out there, considering this trip. Should 3.5 g be OK for next time. (with my wife as sitter)
Peace and love