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Tried to take shrooms recreationally, then got my ass kicked

~3g Psilocybe ovoideocystidiata

This is a report of my strongest and most difficult trip to date. It was last Saturday night, and my dose was roughly 3g or so of Psilocybe ovoideocystidiata and maybe 8 beers by the end. 

So last Saturday after work, I had this strange craving for some psilocybin. I got home, cracked a beer, and then weighed out .5g and knocked it back. About an hour later I was feeling pretty good, so I knocked back another 1g. Once I was going from that, I kept adding little bits to my dose and kept drinking beers, having a great time. Eventually I stopped weighing and I was just grabbing a couple of mushrooms here and there. Not a smart idea, but I wasn't exactly thinking straight by this point. Things were getting fractally and colorful and confusing, but I was still in good spirits and having a good time.

Eventually I made the decision to go out to my backyard. I was attempting to put on clothes and shoes, and things started to go downhill from here. The music started to warp and become kinda dark sounding, and I was realizing that it was becoming very hard to take care of myself. I started panicking at this point, and my thoughts started racing. 

This is where things became hard to recollect, but I will do my best. I went into a sort of loop where I felt like I was constantly uncomfortable, and I was trying to get myself comfortable and calm but I could only process one action at a time. Like I made it outside, then I realized my feet were cold, so I went in and put on socks, then went outside again, then realized I needed a sweatshirt so I came back in, and so on. I felt like I was pacing around like a lunatic trying to figure out what to do with myself. I probably stressed my cat out quite a bit.

I noticed my heart felt like it was under strain, and my breathing felt strange. Like I didn't know if I was breathing in or out. I was probably hyperventilating, but I was too fucked to be able to observe myself. I made it back to my room and laid in my bed to try and relax. I used all of my will and energy to lean over and figure out how to kill the music, because it was overwhelming. I started to think about death, and what if this trip kills me. I was still aware of the concept of ego-death at this point, but it felt very real. I tried to will myself to let go and "die", but a part of me was thinking "what if I really die from this and not just my ego?".  I wanted to let go and accept, but instead I rolled over, found a bag, puked, then decided to hop in the shower.

In the shower, I felt like I was finally starting to relax a bit, then when I got out, things became crazy once again. It took me a while to actually get clothes on after that. I think at some point I walked past my hamper and I was like "Ooo pants!". I laid in my bed naked, and I started thinking deeply about the people and things in my life. I thought about my parents, and how their life experiences affected the way that they raised me. I thought about my girlfriend and how we weren't actually a good match because of her youth. I felt like I could read my cat's mind, not just at the moment, but in the past as well, if that makes any sense. At one point I was naked in my kitchen, hoping that my brother wouldn't come home because I couldn't even bear to think about the process that I would have had to go through to get some clothes on. Much much more, but it is difficult to remember everything. I felt like I was in a trance as I was coming down. I was moving around my house and stopping at various spots to think for a while.

This was definitely the strongest trip of my life. Ovoids are not something to take lightly. I feel like there is more I should have learned from that trip but I am still trying to absorb and come to terms with it. I now see why sitters are recommended for trips like that. A sitter would have been helpful for sure.

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