Time

What I took- Mushrooms (penis envy) started off with an eighth, but it was my first time trying mushrooms and I started double guessing the power of this tool and ended up eating about 10 grams dried, very ignorant, but that's the way she went. I didn%u2019t think too much of it (I%u2019m 6'8 240 pounds), but I found out I was wrong. I have been playing Division 1 volleyball in chicago, but i was going through the motions. Didnt have to pay for school or anything, had life on a platter. But there was a huge hole gaping in me, all I was thinking is how days go by and i just get older. Its like i have this sickness for time, makes my stomach turn. So i was always blowing down joints, playing fine volleyball and never putting in any effort because all i cared was about time, had her put on a pedestal as if she was some queen. Anyways, i tried some mushrooms.     

I am going to skip all the meaningless visuals, like image enhancement and morphing of colors, and the spaciness of the head, i think everyone experiences the same things in the beginning and then it all goes down to if you are able to let go of your ego or not, to see beyond the little pointless visuals. As I started finally feeling it, I started to see and feel something big is going to happen. 

There was just a knot in my stomach, I think my ego was not ready to let go and break through the boundaries of society. The worst part was when there was a repetition of a 5 second countdown, which felt like it was happening every 5 seconds, and I was fighting it, which I later found out to not do. I think i was just getting gnarly stomach poisoning, but it felt like I started saying to myself why am I doing this, and just wanted it to stop. I started feeling with euphoric feeling in which I was literally feeling like I was coming out of my mother%u2019s womb again, ended up straight pissing on myself, just took my dick out and pissed all over myself, i felt i was getting sucked through the ceiling of my room into something that i couldnt explain. 

I had this energy just beam out of me. My roommate and the walls started to melt around me and I just kept putting my head in to my palms promising myself that I will never do this again. And this felt like eternity, it literally felt like a 100 years, got stuck in a damn loop, and I personally knew that I was stuck in a loop, but my ego didn%u2019t. I started to cry like a bitch, still holding back. (I think that the quantity of mushrooms and my stomach having a hard time processing all these booms was taking a toll on me). 

And next thing I know I look over to my left and it%u2019s me, sitting there laughing at me, handing me a joint. I think it was my roommate but I saw myself, and he was sitting behind a desk with an audience surrounding us, and he tells me, "you%u2019re dead buddy, you%u2019re done, what have you done with yourself in this life, how have you grown", and I sparked up the joint and was just speechless, there was a carpet on the wall which was of a lion, in which I saw myself in as well, and the lion said the exact same thing. And I%u2019m just laughing hysterically shaking my head in disbelief. The lion starts to tell me how this is all just a game, this is something that I have personally built for myself to have fun on and experience life. It felt like a half time interview, just looking at my life, and what i have been sculting out of it, with the endless variations of supplies that are on this earth. I was sweating my damn dick off, and i finally caught my breath.

It%u2019s a game that you can never lose as long as you understand that this is just a game and you are the creator. I am god, not like a god of people, but a god of myself and my destiny. I'm still sitting there, shaking my head with piss all over me, feeling this stress and a ton of weight lifted off of my chest. it is the happiest that I have ever felt, and I%u2019m sitting there, believing a hundred % that I am dead, finally coming to terms that I have been putting all of this unnecessary stress on me. And just thinking about nothing. Then out of nowhere (I think my roommate saw how I was looking) put on some nice psychedelic music (I think it was some H.P. Lovecraft, could be wrong but definitely sounded like it) and I was sharing this moment with myself (the lion and me sitting behind the desk) just having this grin and slight nod of the head as if there is no problem at all, just blowing one down, time of no essence, just being one with the world. Finally something making sense. I think that this death experience was the understanding that time doesn't exist, that time is something that we have created for us to get old with and lose ourselves to mediocrity. I think that the most important thing is to remember your experiences. I read a lot of trip reports, and it sounds very recreational, and what you see and experience is forgotten within weeks. Try and remember and learn for it.

Not that this matters and has any meaning, i ended up going to my coach the next day, and handing in my jersey and my scholarship. I realized that i was doing something just because it was easy and went back to my love of basketball. I now play overseas and do something that i love. I used this as a tool (accidentally or not) to take a half time break and to look at what the fuck is going on. I still go on these psychedelic journeys, but they are always with a goal in my mind, and a try to use it as a vehicle into the mind to see if this is what i want to be doing, just to strip my mind down naked and tell myself how it is. 

I think that all of us have that little voice our heads that comes out for a little bit of a time, and you're always agreeing with it. Try to learn by yourself or with you friends. Try to do this as an educational experience, and not to just get fucked with youre friends in a filthy house, it can be used as a key to open different doors and ideas. You guys be safe. Took 3 years to share this, i have enjoyed your stories so here my little story

Peace