Profound Realization on LSD

     It was Friday, and I was going about my usual hectic routine.  I had a biology lecture from 8 to 11 am followed by lab until 2 pm.  Onthis particular day we were examining a multitude of specimens through amicroscope ranging from frog cells, to plant cells, to sperm cells.  I was uninterested as usual, and did whateverI could to coast through the lab as quickly as possible.  Next came work until 10 pm.  I at least had a bottle of Captain Morgan andmy friends to look forward to, and take my mind off washing dishes.  Around 9, another dishwasher shows up andapproaches me.  "So I heard you'vebeen lookin' for some acid?" he says. "I've got 2 hits if you're interested."  An overwhelming sense of giddiness andexcitement came over me.  Hell yeah I wasinterested!  The exchange was made, and Ipowered through my last hour of work.

     Upon arrival atmy house, my friends, T and P, had already cracked open the Captain andthey were each a bit tipsy.  I revealed to them the magical substance I had obtained, and we all agreed it would be a good night.  I swallowed the two hits of blotter paper right then, and accepted my fate. Luckily, I'm fairly experienced with psychedelics having tried psilocybin once before, DMT multiple times, and LSD twice prior to this trip.  Little did I know nothing would even come close to preparing me for what was to come.  I opted against drinking because I felt itwould take away from my experience. We headed into my basement, and to my surprise, P had constructed a strange, abstract work of art.  It consisted of a clothesline with a random assortment of things hung or draped from it including a dustpan, an umbrella, towels, and a stocking among other things. We had a laugh because it seemed fairly random at the time, but I was unaware of the impact it would have on my trip.

     T and P turned on some Godsmack, and began pounding shots and mixed drinks while I sat in a comfy reclining chair.  30 minutes went by, 45, an hour and no visuals.  I was beginning to think I had just paid 20 dollars for some paper.  Then, a little over an hour after dropping, the shadows of the hanging objects began to look extremely sharp and defined.  Colors started to appear extremely bright and vivid.  Each hue was very distinct and unique.  My friends inquired on whether or not I was tripping.  At this point, I told them, "Yep, it's working."  I wanted something more out of my trip this time, so I decided to divert my attention away from the pretty colors.  I decided to stare straight into one of the lights on the ceiling for some reason.  I did this for a good 20 minutes and I started to see the spectrum of colors in one of the beams of light coming from the center.  I squinted, tilted my head, and changed my position similarly to the way you adjust and focus a microscope.  This allowed me to see red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet with incredible detail all in a beam of light.  I was amazed at the incredible power of my senses that I had unlocked. I looked around me to find T and P passed out.  Now I was all alone; it was just me and my brain.

     The music was phenomenal.  Each of Tony Rombolas solos moved me.  I had never jammed so hard; the waves of sound flowed through my body, and I couldnt help but move to the beat.  Then I looked over at a part of Ps sculpture.    There were two stockings hanging, one behind the other, along with a bungee cord.  This part of my trip is difficult to describe without sounding like a lunatic but Ill do my best.  I realized, from my point of view, the group of objects resembled a figure holding a guitar. The stocking in front was green with white trim on top, and the one in back was plain white.  The white trim of the green stocking appeared to be an extension of the white stocking and looked like an arm wrapped around it.  The green stocking was at such an angle that it was shaped just like a guitar with the neck pointing straight up.  It was hanging from a green loop on top that extended up from behind the arm and completed the neck.  The visible part of the white stocking looked like the top half of a human-like being.  Protruding above everything was the hook of the bungee cord.  This was in a position where, logically, this beings eyes wouldve been.  A wooden part of the ceiling was slightly visible just above this.  The shape of this unobstructed part of the ceiling was strikingly similar to a cowboy hat and, in my messed up state, it was fairly easy to imagine it as such.  My cowboy-hat-wearing guitar-playing figure still looked strange almost like an animated character that was unfinished.  I started focusing on each individual part of it using the same principles I had recently discovered.  I looked at the cowboy hat and was able to shape it the exact way I wanted, and give it the ideal light brown hue.  I looked at the body and adjusted its shape.  At this point, all I was seeing was colors, with no actual comprehension that there were objects anymore.  It all looked like my own palette of beautiful colors to work with.  I looked at the guitar and by further adjusting my field of view, it took on a perfect shape.  While all of this was occurring, I was so tremendously focused on what I was seeing, that I could actually feel knobs turning on the sides of my head with each adjustment I made.  I then looked up at the figures eyes.  They took shape and eventually a light brown color as that was what was visible through the center of the hook.  Now, all parts of my musician were complete.  The longer I stared, the sharper each individual part looked until it, eventually, looked like a full on animated cartoon character.  Astonishing doesnt even describe what was happening. I started blinking to the beat of Godsmacks Safe and Sound, and the character seemed to be strumming his guitar. This was, without a doubt, the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed.  My heart was beating faster than ever before.  Next came the lyrics in the song that quite literally blew my mind:

I understand they once controlled you

Condemned your thoughts and never told you

Erased your self-esteem and trust

Stripped down to nothing

The innocence of a child is forever lost

     It was almost too much to comprehend.  I was no longer controlled.  I had regained the innocence and purity I once had.  With this realization, I started to see in my distant vision all sorts of strange shapes through which things looked far clearer.  These abstract shapes were slowly approaching me. The area between the shapes looked distinctly different, almost blurry or hazy in a way.  As it got closer and closer, I knew I was destined to reach the other side of this.  It was a large foggy, hazy, blurry wall littered with holes all throughout, and it encompassed my entire visual perception.  It grew nearer, nearer until I passed right through the barrier and reached the clarity of the other side.  I had broken through.  The veil was lifted from my eyes and mind.  All of Sully Ernas words rushed back into my head at once.  We pray even when we know no one cares.  Im living inside, a dead lie.  Its a contradiction.  And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations.  No more meaning to my life.  The only thing certain is death.  Will I ever feel like I once did?  Its the last time that Ill be forever shamed.

     I had struggled to figure out what the meaning of this life is.  I wanted to believe there was something to look forward to, the afterlife, but the rational part of me always told me otherwise.  At this point, I truly knew that this life is all we have.  My life felt so incredibly meaningless.   I wanted to end it right then, so I wouldn't have to suffer through this pointless existence.  I laid down in a sleeping bag, zipped it up,and held my breath.  After all it was agood day to die, right?  My heart rate got slower and slower and slower.  I knew the end was approaching.  But, thinking of the people I love, I realized I do have something to live for.  I opened my mouth and gasped for air like I had been deep underwater and reached the surface just in time.  I laid in my cocoon for a while pondering all of the things I had learned.  I was exhausted.  It was about 4 in the morning, and I felt some sleep was in order.

     I awoke the next morning feeling enlightened.  Clarity of my thoughts and senses made me feel at peace.  My mom asked me to run an errand, and I did without hesitation.  I went outside and was welcomed by the beautiful fall colors of Michigan.  The sky, the grass, the trees had never glowed in that way before.  Or maybe they did, and I just never bothered to look?  On the way home, I had an urge to stop at the apple orchard I frequented as a kid.  I got cider and some of the tastiest donuts on earth.  After this experience, I simply take what life gives me.  I don't take life too seriously.  I value my relationships more than I ever did.  I dont take what I have for granted, and realize that Im luckier than most.  I give love to everyone I can, and hope I get it in return.  We spend our whole lives creating memories and, in the end, thats all well have left.  So, in conclusion, treat each day like your last day on Earth because, chances are, it is.