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Downtown . . . on the Beach
So I'm going to be writing about my first shroom trip which was 3 years ago when I was 15 years old (I'm now 18 and have tripped many times since then on Shrooms and LSD).
It was July 2011, the summer was going great so far, I'd lost my virginity only a month before to my girlfriend at the time and was enjoying the newfound wonderland of the vagina to its fullest extent, their was also tons of partying going on, late night get togethers on the beach, which included tons of pot smoking and drinking (this was really the first summer I had ever gone crazy, I smoked some pot my Freshman year but nothing too crazy, but this summer was a whole new lifestyle I wasn't used to yet, but I was loving it)
I awoke around 11:00am on the beach on what I want to say was the first of the month (July 1st, 2011) but could have been the 2nd . . . not really important, I just remember it being a few days before the 4th of July.
anyway . . . I awoke around 11:00am on the beach from a night of partying in a complete haze, my buddy Ben was watching me from a log smiling . . . said something like "what are you looking at" . . . his response? "shrooms man . . . shrooms" he then pulled out two baggies of mushrooms a little over an 1/8 in each baggie. we were both really excited we had been trying to get some a couple weeks now and Bennie's cousin came through that morning.
we live in a pretty large coastal town in Massachusetts, the more rural less populated section of the town is where we live . . . sure we could have taken the shrooms there and had a great carefree time, probably no interruptions but we were feeling adventurous, we wanted to head Downtown which was was filled with a plethora of people, including tourists and local hippies and skaters.
we took a bus down there and around 1:00pm headed to a local Pizza joint, we had heard that the shrooms tasted nasty so cut them up with a plastic knife in small pieces and put them in each of our individual slices of Pizza, we couldn't even taste them the pizza overwhelmed them completely and we got them down no problem.
after eating the psychedelic pizza we headed down to a bench which was located on the waterfront directly facing shops and restaurants, expecting the effects to take a while to kick in we sat back and eagerly awaited the trip to begin . . . we didn't have to wait long, the effects were almost instantaneous within 10 minutes it had begin to hit us.
the first thing we noticed was a slowing down of time, we viewed cars driving past us almost in a slow motion type way, we both found this hilarious and also were surprised by how quick the trip had begun.
almost immediately we wanted to walk around and change our settings, we headed closer to the water and sat down on another bench only this one overlooked the beach and their was a field near by where people were having picnics, we sat down, and this is when the giggles began, the laughing fit, I'm telling you I've never laughed so hard in my life before or since, for seemingly no reason either.
one woman walked by us and smiled making a toking sign with her hands implying we were high for whatever reason this sent me over the edge I fell off the bench in absolute hysterics, tears rolling down my face, and finding it extremely hard to breathe.
Ben then had the idea to take off his shirt "I want to feel the Iron!" he screamed, he took off his shirt and began rolling on the bench as euphoric noises came out of him, I just observed still laughing my head off.
Once we gained a little composure we realized some people from the field were watching us, a younger couple was laughing, and an older couple was extremely confused lol. we just laughed, not nearly as hard as before. we both sat up on the bench now, Ben put his shirt back on and we shared yet another laugh, we both remarked on how this was the highest we had ever been and loved mushrooms so much (we weren't even close to the peak)
the beach now caught my attention, mainly the water, it was so blue, bluer than anything I had ever seen, a deep blue that reminded me of childhood oddly enough, of taking showers as a kid after coming back from the beach and washing all the sand out of my hair, a memory that hadn't come to surface in years one I didn't know still existed, this baffled me, to gain a memory of something that not only was lost but I didn't even know "was" anymore if that makes any sense
in the middle of that almost trance like thought, I heard Ben say something "are you fucking kidding me" he said and began to laugh, he was looking down at his hand and in it was a dollar bill, we both laughed, at that moment we both realized the absurdity of currency and paper money and began a conversation which led to the conclusion that money was totally useless, just paper that the government had created and put little numbers on, a piece of paper with the number "100" printed on it somehow had more value then a piece of paper with the number "1" printed on it, when in all actuality it's just paper it has no meaning, the only reason it has meaning is because we give it that, its just paper.
Ben ripped his dollar bill in half which at first I found shocking but funny, something I had never considered doing before but with my new found knowledge it made so much sense, I took out a 5 dollar bill and ripped it in half, he took out another dollar and ripped it in half as well, we began a process of tearing up our money, I think it must have been at least 50 dollars between the two of us when all was said and done, we ripped them up in little pieces and threw them all up in the air dancing and laughing as they fell on us, shocked at our new found knowledge of the world.
then my attention focused back on the beach, more specifically the water, the blue ocean, I pointed toward it and Ben became transfixed on it as well we both took off our shirts simultaneously without speaking almost speaking telepathically and ran toward the water as fast as we could
when my feet hit the hot sand a sensation of warmth electrified my whole body, and with each step another warm shock struck me, the texture of the sand on my feet was an interesting sensation too, as was the way my feet sunk every time I took a step . . . then came the water, at first it was like a full body orgasm, swimming in the cool ocean, then a more sensual feeling struck me I became aware that I was part of something much larger this large body of water, the ocean, it was living, it was an ecosystem, and I was part of it, I told the ocean I admired her and all her beauty and was honored to be connected to her if only for a brief moment. Ben was off in the distance swimming and laughing I admired his enjoyment of life
It was at this moment that I noticed a middle aged over weight man walking about knee deep down the coastline in his hand a bottle of beer and on his face a look of dissatisfaction with his situation and his life, I felt sorry for him, I didn't understand why he was feeling like he was, maybe something bad had happened to him recently? . . . but it wasn't like that, it was almost a look of contentment, of normality, of something he was used to, being miserable and at that moment I felt disgusted, disgusted that some of us take life so for granted, I became disgusted that it didn't seem like he was living his life but rather drudging through it, like a man dragging his feet, doing what time he has left . . . then it happened he dropped the beer can in the water and I lost it, tears actually came down from my eyes, "why" was the only word that came out of my mouth, I just simply didn't understand, I swam over as fast as I could as grabbed it before the current took it away, images of man made pollution flooded my mind, I became aware of the delicate balance of the ecosystem and how something as little as a beer can could disrupt it, images of sea animals choking on garbage and trash in the sea overwhelmed me, I became disgusted and angry, I wished the man dead for what he done and how he lived, without even knowing him I condemned him for that act it said so much to me, then I became disgusted to even be the same species as him, I became disgusted to be a human being I thought of all the pain we brought to the world, all the wars we start, all the pain we cause, all trees we cut down . . . these were thoughts that had never entered my mind before, ideas that were so real to me they shaped me into the person I am today, in that moment it was too much I broke down and began to cry.
I was going to a dark place that I didn't wish to enter but I felt like I had no choice, then a light entered my mind, a light which I'm glad came upon me because if it didn't I don't know where the trip would have gone, I thought why not make this a good thing? the world is such a horrible place but at least I know, at least I'm informed, at least I can learn more, and I can tell people more, thoughts rushed through my head of enlightening the human race as a whole I was truly in utter bliss, I walked over to an empty beach chair that sat on a towel close to where the man was walking before, it was his. he had work forms sitting next to the chair with a pen that sat next to it, I turned them over and on the blank side I wrote "DON'T LITTER YOUR DESTROYING THE EARTH!" left it in his chair and but the beer can on top of it to keep it from blowing away
I felt accomplished and happy but also increasingly disoriented the trip was coming on stronger and I was beginning to feel a sense of conscious shifting colors began to shine brighter and there was an aura of life everywhere around me . . . I loved it.
then a thought came to me "Where the hell is Ben?" I scanned the water and saw no sight of him, so I decided to walk down the beach toward the direction of where I last saw him swimming, then I spotted him talking to two girls.
he spotted me "hey!" he yelled and gestured me to come over, I walked over and saw him chatting it up with a blonde haired girl and a brunette both pretty looked to be a little bit older then us maybe 16 or 17? "You must be Jesse?" said the blonde girl giggling, she was pretty. "ahh" I couldn't find words to articulate what I was thinking "your pretty" I said, lol what a buffoon.
"awe" she said "thank you so much" . . . wow I can't believe that went over well I thought, I was sure they would have busted out laughing at me.
Ben then told me that they had some pot and were just headed down to the "rocks" (remote section of the beach) to smoke some and wanted to see if we would come, "yeah" I said, still relieved that the whole "your pretty" comment went over well
the blonde one introduced herself as Haley and the brunette one . . . I honestly can't remember her name I want to say Rachel? I'm pretty sure It was Rachel, I could call up Ben right now and ask but I'm not sure he'd remember and I think he's sleeping so yeah let's just go with Rachel.
Haley and Rachel.
Rachel was fascinated that we were on shrooms and wanted to know what it was like (ben must have told her before I got there) Ben kept saying things like "bright" and "mind bending" . . . "Yeah, mind bending" I said, I agreed with that one but honestly words can't really describe it and I let them know.
Rachel seemed to take a liking to Ben, she was hot, I mean really hot, like borderline model . . . Haley seemed to take a liking to me, she wasn't on Rachel's level but their was something about her I liked she had a girl next door type look to her, kind of innocent, cute, but in an attractive way.
I don't remember much of the conversation on the way to the rocks, it was mostly about the mushroom trip and what it was like, Rachel was going on about friend who had done a shitload in school one time, it was actually a pretty funny story I just don't remember it well, throughout the walk Rachel kept laughing at Ben's jokes and Haley at mine . . . I felt a connection with her forming and one forming between Ben and Rachel, Ben felt it to and we were both Ok with it.
we got to the rocks and walked for a while on them, climbing over some big ones to get to the cave, once we got to the cave Rachel packed a bowl and we began to smoke, the pot was almost too much, since then I've noticed when on mushrooms pot can actually calm me down but for whatever reason that time It was just elevating the high to another level, I was cool on the outside but my mind felt chaotic, I only took a couple hits.
Ben and Rachel went off inside the cave gushing over each other, and me and Haley sat outside looking at the waves, she kept going on and on about my blonde hair, about how she loved blonde hair on guys and all this stuff It was like she was on shrooms lol, I feel like she didn't smoke much cause she seemed really high, she only smoked a bowl too, took a few hits.
she put her hand on my head and was putting her fingers through my hair (I had it kind of long at that point) and my heart began beating really fast, like really fast, I got really nervous but in a good way, I hadn't felt like that since I was 12 and kissed a girl for the first time, just really jittery.
I looked at her in the eyes and all that came out was the word "beautiful" lol I know corny but she took to it I went in for a kiss and we began to makeout, it almost felt foreign to me while on mushrooms, I felt so scientific like we were two organisms with our tongues in each others mouths, it took me a minute to even realize that we were making out once I did I got into it . . . then lost it again, I began to laugh and she did too, we both just sat their laughing our asses off in the middle of making out lol it was a weird experience
I remembered my girlfriend and felt kind of guilty I think I was planning to break up with her at the time but still it didn't feel right, I laid down and brought Haley next to me holding her, she rested her head on my chest and I closed my eyes, that's when the show began
I saw these bright lines and shapes intersecting with each other and then dissolving then reforming then dissolving then reforming ETC. it was almost like my vision had zoomed out and the pattern was then was recurring revealed itself to be part of another pattern on a more macro scale, everything I was seeing was just like a tiny grain of sand next to a million other grains of sand and they were all flowing and breathing around a tree, a large tree, I convinced myself at the time that the tree was the source of all life and the sand was the universe then something amazing happened, it was as if my vision zoomed out again and there were lines and lines and lines of trees all surrounded by their own individual sand patch, all on an massive island the size of three worlds that was in a sea next to other islands, it kept going like this for a while, these closed eye hallucinations where mind boggling I didn't even know they were possible on shrooms, I only thought LSD did that kind of stuff, I became almost startled by the whole thing and opened my eyes when I did the sky was warping all around me.
the hallucinations stopped which took me by surprise but I was relieved too, it was getting to be too much, still its not as if the world around me was much saner I looked around and everything was warping into itself rock, ocean, and sky, I began to freak out a little but the Haley girl calmed me down stroking my hair telling me I was just "tripping out"
It was then that Ben and Rachel emerged from the cave, I made out somehow that a mutual friend of ours "Dan" had called Ben while in the cave and was waiting for us near the main entrance to the beach (he was a couple years older then us and could drive) Ben began to walk away and I ran toward him, we were both disoriented as hell, neither one of us said goodbye to the girls we kind of just abruptly left
I'm gonna be honest here the next part of the trip is kind of a blur it was the peak and it was just wild and out of control
while walking on the rocks and back to the beach I remember almost mass confusion lol, at one point Ben didn't remember his name and I had to remind him, Ego loss . . . I didn't suffer any luckily but it kept happening to Ben off and on, I remember stumbling and laughing, and at one point a man running down the beach resembled a bird flying, I shouted "Caw Caw" at him like a bird, I don't remember if he took notice or not.
their was a point where we got off the rocks and back to the beach and we fell down on the sand and began convulsing in it lol seriously I don't know what was going on, I remember feeling the need to get the "rock" off me whatever that means
we then decided to have a race of sorts to the entrance of the beach where Dan was sitting with his car, it was maybe a mile away? it was totally chaotic it wasn't realty a race so much as us running and screaming, making noises, and interacting with people who we ran by, shouting things at them like "lobster dinner!" and "seafood platter" lol again don't ask me why, the best way I can explain it is like an ink blot test, I saw things in real life and they conjured up thoughts of other things for no reason at all . . . one woman was lobster dinner . . . some old guy was seafood platter . . . and I let them know.
It was like that for what felt like an eternity just total chaos, unchained, freedom. it was an amazing feeling, to be total free, to do or say whatever came to my mind, whatever I felt I did and said, we must have looked like fucking lunatics! hahahahaha
even though this part is hard to remember and to explain its still the funniest for me to look back on, I just imagine these people casually lying in the sun on their beach towels or enjoying a day with their families and two drugged out teens run by them screaming things like "the sun is life!" and "sand!" "sand!" "everywhere is sand!" hahahaha it must have been insane to witness.
at some point we both collapsed laughing out of breath, we had forgotten we were even in a race at that point, we lied their in bliss completely oblivious to the fact that our friend was waiting for us, to anything really besides the fact that we were together and high, embracing life in a way we never had before.
Ben said something then that I still agree with to this day "I've never felt so alive" he was saying how he had never been more alive in his entire life than he was in that moment, he'd never embraced life so much. we went on and on about how life is such an amazing thing and how we take it so for granted, I told him about my experience with the trash in the ocean and it moved him pretty hard, we talked about the girls we had just seen and how great they were Ben got oral from Rachel in the cave apparently he blew his load in the matter of 30 seconds lol, "the greatest sensation of his life" he told me . . . to this day I still think its the best BJ he's ever gotten.
I also came to the realization that my cell phone was wrecked because I had left it in my pocket when I went in the ocean . . . honestly I couldn't have cared less. material possessions meant nothing to me at that point.
we then embraced our friendship told each other we loved each other, real corny shit lol, but it was nice, I feel like every relationship needs that weather it be family or friends or romantic just you know when you tell the person how much they mean to you, all that. its important to have that, at least once I think.
at this point it was made clear that we weren't going to meet Dan, instead we'd stay and talk . . . and trip.
we continued to talk . . . our conversation got deeper, the meaning of life? was their one? or is it all just meaningless? It can't be can it? or do we find our own meaning in life?
we went on for hours as the trip began to come down we came to the conclusion that so much in life doesn't matter like material possessions. Relationships with other humans and animals and earth itself was what mattered loving relationships, being good to one another, being kind and loving to all.
It really was life changing, I had never thought like that before, it was a totally new stream of thought, a new perspective, a new way of looking at things.
I'm not going to say that I completely turned my life around, got rid of my television and computer and phone, and became this Wildman who now lives in the woods and preaches gospels of peace, cause I'm not, hell I was 14 at the time, I'm 18 right now, I lead a pretty normal life all in all, just because it didn't radically change me doesn't mean it didn't effect me at all though.
I still hold some of those beliefs to be true, I don't cry when someone litters lol but I will make a conscious effort to pick it up and throw it in a trashcan, what I'm trying to say is that trip made me more conscious about everything, It made me more compassionate and aware of the earth that I live on, and also made me value relationships I have much more, I don't take anyone of anything for granted anymore . . . and I also believe anything is possible.
I would recommend psychedelics to anyone as long as you have a safe set and setting, be in the right mood, do some research, it can be a wonderful thing that opens you up to so much, my first trip changed me as a person for the better and I continue to use psychedelics to this day.