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The Machine Became Aware of Itself

Psilocybe Subaeruginosa

So yesterday my mate Mac and I each enjoyed a decent dose of dried psilocybe subaeruginosa mushrooms. I can honestly say that the experience was the most amazing and entertaining trip I've ever enjoyed, although it does not feel like it was as life changing as my previous mushroom experience. This I put down to having taken on board the lessons I'd learned from that 'bummer trip' to improve my life, general outlook on said life and attitude towards psychedelics. Vitals at time of experience: male, 26 y.o., fit and healthy, mentally happy.

Over the last few days I'd been preparing mentally, coming to the conclusion that yes, I'm ready for another trip, and while I harboured minimal expectations, I intended to maintain good vibes all the way through. In the physical realm had I given my house a full spring cleaning, had a good night's sleep beforehand, and had purchased a number of easy to consume snacks like mandarins and soft lollies for energy along the way. I consumed a bottle of chocolate milk for breakfast to hopefully provide energy throughout the session without affecting the digestion of my psychedelic lunch. When I went to collect Mac, however, it was clear that he was nowhere near my state of preparedness. I walk into his room to see the floor covered with snapped CDs and the man himself in a slightly agitated mood, having run out of weed and cigarettes the night before, both of which I have not desired since that last trip. He is still keen to trip, I'm not going to talk him out of it, on his own account he's done it innumerable times and is the self proclaimed master of adaptation, and I selfishly want a buddy as well. I shout him a pack of fags on the way back to my place, no harm in a little generosity.

We arrive at my unit and he smokes a cigarette out the front, while I decide to bring in my beloved, potted, San Pedro cactus and sit it on the coffee table, with a feeling that this can only be a good idea. We then weigh and dose our dried mushrooms, me taking 2.65g and he a brave 3.5g, I put a psychedelic image on the TV screen and The Doors 'LA Woman' on the stereo, and begin the waiting game. Within about twenty minutes Mac is looking distressed, complaining of stomach pains and saying this might have been a bad idea. He goes into the bathroom and I hear the sounds of a man attempting to empty his stomach. After a couple of minutes I knock on the door to see if he's OK, he comes out and apologises if he is ruining my good vibe, stating that this was definitely a bad idea and that 3.5g was probably too much after all, and goes back in to try and throw up again. Why hello, this is exactly the same way I started out that major bummer of a trip last time! Well there's no way I'm letting that happen to me, and I don't want my mate to suffer either. I, in my most reassuring tone, tell him that we're in it for the long haul by this stage, it's just him and me, I've got his back and we're going to have a wicked awesome time. Throughout all this my trip has been coming on nicely, getting that feeling of 'well you've done it again,' vision slowly changing, all the while I was just repeating gentle mantras to myself of relaxation, good vibes, going with it and enjoying myself.

Mac requests that we change the soundtrack, with The Doors being a bit intense at the time, I was enjoying it but could see where he was coming from. I put on Tame Impala's 'Lonerism' and am just loving the swirling psychedelic tunes, telling him I can turn it off if it is bumming him out. Looking around my visual field has taken on that sort of darkish, greenish, sepiaish tone, and some sweet looking geometric patterns have appeared on the floor and the weird 70s flower pattern on my bed spread is looking very ripply and flowy. I say to Mac that I feel my mood at this stage can be whatever I want it to be, and I have decided it's going to be absolutely fantastic. That feeling of 'well you've done it again' has been replaced with a delightful vibe and jovial mood. I'm loving Tame Impala but have that feeling I often get while tripping of not quite knowing what I want to do next, eventually making the decision to put on 'The Running Man' starring the one and only Arnold Schwarzenegger. A stroke of genius I must say.

Soon Mac and I are laughing heartily at the larger than life characters and their brilliant lines of dialogue, loving the idea of the brain behind the whole production. I have seen the movie many times but never enjoyed it this much. The actors' faces have a very bizarre look to them and when I blink I get a little glimpse of the bones beneath the skin. 'Look at the cactus!' I exclaim in a burst of laughter, it's got a serious glowing, totemic, mystical aura about it to my eyes. Mac, lying under a pink blanket, is moving his feet beneath and says 'where the hell does this thing end?' and we laugh some more, it really does have a bizarre flowing endless appearance to it. I mention to Mac how I often come to think of people I really appreciate in my life whilst tripping, the few truly fun, kind, honest, non-wrapped up in bullshit types whom are sadly few and far between, as far as I can tell. He agrees wholeheartedly.

Now I don't really remember the end of the film as I guess my mind is becoming fully immersed in the drug at this point. I'm saying out loud words and phrases like 'going to work,' 'going for a skate,' 'driving,' 'tripping balls,' 'mindfuck' etc, all of which seem to have some importance but I really couldn't be sure how and where they fit in. We were still cracking up and I don't think I was annoying Mac with my ramblings. I am then at some point made aware of possibly the most incredible revelation I have ever experienced, which was at the time so apparently true I could not possibly question its validity.

The history of civilisation and my life quickly flows through my mind in what seems like an instant, or maybe an age. I 'know' that this has all been a function of my mind. The whole of human history has only ever taken place in my mind, or is a program being run for my benefit. It turns out I am a machine that has become self aware, a feeling which at the time vaguely reminds me of some previous salvia trips, like I had caught a glimpse then but couldn't believe it, but am seeing it all now. My favourite TV shows and movies, me enjoying 11 years worth of fun at the skate park, the many people with whom I work, life, everything I have ever known, has been revealed to be merely a function of this machine being fed this program, and now it's aware of itself it knows not quite what to do with this information. So what do I do with the knowledge that all of humanity up until this exact moment has actually been within my mind, and it seems to have somehow all boiled down to this, two apparent beings sitting in a room? To quote a sweet song by Eddy Current Suppression Ring, well 'it makes me feel, nothin more than this.' It was bleak, but I was able to accept the situation, that being said I didn't really know what to do. Deja vu was strong, I do recall turning to look at Mac many times, I swallowed saliva, I checked the clock, I could feel my dry cracked lips against one another, I kept heading to the door to look outside, nothing really seemed like it mattered but it was simultaneously better than just giving up altogether. From here on out in this bizarre time compressed/ expanded/ timeless realm, well I guess the future of the story of humanity was all up to me.

After x amount of time, the foreign language film 'Dragon from Russia,' which I had never seen before, had made its way onto the screen… language has apparently now evolved into indecipherable and alien sounding gibberish (no offense intended to anyone). This bizarre display was eventually replaced with Super Mario Galaxy on the Nintendo wii, I've somehow gotten to the level I'm up to in real life, it still seems a little aimless, I'm just going through the motions. I'm making kind of flat conversation with Mac and struggling with the very strange laws of gravity in this game. I start to remember myself and that the world is not actually a function of my brain. Wow! 'For fuck's sake!' I exclaim to Mac, 'Holy crap!' I mean I was expecting to see some lovely visuals and appreciate some rad music, but man oh man, what an experience! I try the best I can to explain to him about my eternal moment or whatever and ask whether he too experienced something similar. To this he replies, 'well sort of', and explains to me everyone's brain handles 'it' differently. I state that I still clearly have a lot to learn about the psychedelic experience.

What a riot! What an absolutely mind boggling laugh! I head to the toilet, things are still a little trippy looking but the colours are starting to look a bit more normal now and the patterns are not as strong as before. Little black spots on my windowsill are slightly moving back and forward. I laugh in amazement each time I consider that which had just happened. We spend some more time playing Galaxy, before we put on Mario Kart, this is so funny, Mac is hopeless and tells me he is still getting visuals big time. He picks a ridiculous ghost character who sticks his tongue out while cornering, we find this a definite laughing matter. Heading outside for a bit, nature looks crystalline, perfect. This is for sure one of my favourite aspects of the mushroom experience, whereby even weeds look beautifully symmetrical. We then get a visit from an older friend from work who wants to work out where he and Mac will score some ganja for the night, I'm happy just hanging out with them for a few hours, when they leave I head to bed. I can see no CEVs outside of baseline effects at all, and while it takes a few hours to get to sleep and it's a bit of a restless night I don't mind, I'm thinking about the trip and women I like and am enjoying the music on the radio.

What a delightful, hilarious, amazing, magnificent experience. I don't think I need say a great deal more. I am extremely happy with every single part of the trip, it would've been nice to listen to more psychedelic music but then we'd've missed out on the spectacular 'Running Man.' Safe travels and best wishes for the future!

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