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lost yet found in the mountains

experienced being one with all. deformities, mangled visuals

My friend and I planned to hike the belknap range. I drew out a planned 10 mile hike just us and our dogs. I even drew us a map. When we arrived to the parking area we decided to eat some shrooms along the way. I didn't measure mine, I didn't even think twice about it, just ate them as if any other snack.

  It didnt take long for them to kick in.  I was already ansty to begin with and full of energy. We got to the first overlook and I could tell the trip was going to be intense.  We picked and ate some blue berries, but they were making me feel queasy so I started doing some yoga. My friend and I were off the walls giggling and having so much fun. As if we were little kids. I was feeling anxious and wanted to keep moving. At this point we were 1,000  feet up the mountain and the forest was very dense. I started to get strong visuals but I could handle them. We just giggled and skipped up to the first summit.  This summit was very busy and had a huge crowd of tourists. Our dogs were growling at them but we tried to handle it. My friend was feeling sick and wanted to take a break for a while. I wanted to get back on the trail to the next mountain. My visuals were intensified. The wood on the picnic table was moving like crazy.  When a family came to the table next to us and our dogs went crazy we finally decided mutually to head back to the trail. 

 The woods in this trail were absolutely intense. I've done this trail sober and thought they were spooky, something you'd see in sleepy hollow.  My friend then asked "where are we going?" That's when I realized I have lost it. It scared me that I was the one in control but the shrooms were so intense and my visuals were taking over to the point I felt like I didn't know where we were going. So I plopped in the mud and took out my map. I couldn't comprehend the map. Everything about it did not make any sense. I couldn't read. I couldn't understand so I just laughed my ass off.  I threw it back in my bag and kept heading up the trail. We stopped at another mud pit. My visuals were getting crazier. I felt like I was the path. When I looked at my dog, I could feel his emotions. When I looked at the tree I felt like the tree. I kept thinking "we are one, this is the true meaning, we are one, I'm with everything I am everything"  my body was feeling intense, I felt I could communicate with the trees, I could feel them inverting. This is when the trip turned from beautiful to ugly.

I turned to look at my friend and she was completely mangled. She was deformed. Her whole body was bent and broken, it looked so real. I looked at my own body and my hand was bubbling, my feet looked like 20 feet long. I looked at my shoulder and it was broken and twirled.  I wanted to keep moving. The trail was winding and getting darker. I felt like we were inverting with the trees. I watched the dogs and they were playing, but while they played  they fell into the roots and the roots took form of dead bodies. I just kept moving trying to keep my cool. At this point my body felt like it was loosing control.  I kept yawning and making weird noises, I thought by bag was dripping and melting. I threw my bag and just wanted to let it go. I didn't see the point in materials. They meant nothing to me.  My dogs and friend and self were still mangled and deformed. These visuals were so real. My body felt like it was draining. I kept asking my friend if I was peeing myself.  She tried to have a normal conversation with me and ask questions about friends, but I could not communicate back. At one point she goes "hello?" I just look at her and said "I'm on another level, talk to you later".  I didn't want to even look at her or the dogs, I didn't want to see them in that way. I've tripped before but never this hard.  I could hear the trees telling me a storm is coming.  We then found a little bench with an over look.  We sat there and gazed at the rolling hills and lake.  I could see monsters in the clouds. I couldn't shake the awful feeling in my body. I could hear all my organs operating. I could hear the trees preparing for impact of the storm. I said it out loud too and my friend points to the far left and says "wow your right!" And there were the blackest clouds rolling over the lake and straight for us. "Should we be here? Is this dangerous?" She kept asking. I hate storms normally, so I feel the trip plus the storm was messing with me.  I still felt like I was peeing myself and wanted to strip.  I started to focus on my breathing and suddenly felt I needed to let go. I heard the clouds telling me to roll with them.  I felt at peace for a moment. The bugs were really starting to bother me. Constantly crawling all over me. I said " I can't take these bugs!" And my friend gave me some bug spray, but the bottle melted in my hand and I just couldn't handle it. I wanted to take my  boots off, when I unravled the laces, I could feel it. I felt like I was the laces. I felt completely one with everything I touched. It was so intense I couldn't handle it. I wanted to leave again.

 We continued up the path again.  It started to rain on us.  The rain felt amazing.  The deformities in my friend and dogs were gone. The visuals went from complete insanity to bright and beautiful.  We made it to the summit and I instantly felt better.  I'm not sure what triggered the horrible visuals and crazy uncontrollable feeling of draining and peeing myself. It was like I was dying and just completely letting go. I was so happy to be at the summit. We danced in the rain and sang and played with our dogs. We then decided we should start heading back before the storm got worse. We passed a path with the brightest green you can imagine with brilliant flowers. The storm then passed and the sun came back. We found a beautiful spot with an over look of the mountains and hung out there til the trip faded away. I told my friend about the visuals I had. She told me she could tell I was distressed. 

I always feel at the end of every trip I learn something new.  That day I learned that I can invert and wait for impact of the storm and expect the worse, or I can ride with it, go with the flow of life.  I saw the beauty of life that day.  I saw the ugly that day.  I saw that life is based on your own perception.   I saw that everything is one and that's how it is meant to be.

High Mountain Compost
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