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Ego death: Looking past the mask of reality

Level 5 Ego Death Trip

Ok here's my little intro story, Me and 3 other friends each ate 1/8th's together with one sober sitter. We were in my house and we consumed them around 11pm. Before this night I have only ever experienced a level 3 trip at most and had no idea what tripping hard actually was...until now.

So we all eat our 1/8th's and then go outside to smoke a blunt and wait for them to kick in. In all my past experiences shrooms have taken at least 30-45 mins to start giving me any sign they are working...not tonight. I get to take one hit off the blunt before I start to get the tingly all over sensation and slight nausea. The uneasy feeling got super overwhelming very fast so I ran for the bathroom, after I puked once I was completely fine nausea wise but still feeling very light and almost as if the slightest breeze would carry me away so I decided to lay down and collect myself.

As soon as I hit my bed I started tripping the hardest I've ever tripped, I felt like my bed was endless and I was floating in a sea of comforters and pillows. This went on for maybe 30 mins and then I just started to stare at my Somewhere in Time Iron Maiden poster as I watched it all the lines and boundaries between the different colors started melting into each other until it was just a huge multicolored glob. After I lost interest in these things is when I started to slip into that "space" or higher consciousness or another dimension/universe whatever you want to call it, I for one cannot think of anyway to accurately relate to our current state of mind because it is incomprehensible to a sober or normal mind. 

I started to close my eyes to see what my mind could project/ tell me and at first I'd close them just for a few seconds because I could feel myself slowly slipping away from this reality and as soon as I felt myself slipping I would open my eyes and try to hold onto what I thought was reality. I did this a few more times, each time closing my eyes for a little longer because I started to become intrigued with what was on the other side. Once that thought popped into my head I said to myself the next time i close my eyes I'm not opening them again.

This is the moment I started experiencing complete ego death, I could literally see all my life's pivotal memories and all the faces of everyone I've cared for in this life, and then one by one they started to fade away. I was watching my entire life slowly fade to black and I was so terrified that I was dying but even more intrigued by what lies beyond the lost of everything I thought I knew, that the whole death thing was kinda out weighed. I was scrambling around my mind trying to hold on to everything that was vanishing before my eyes and eventually I remember reflecting on myself to make sure I wasn't forgetting who I was and when I looked for my identity it was gone. After I realized I could no longer remember who I was the last vision I remember seeing was my mothers face and as soon as she disappeared I left this world. Everything that I had identified myself with inside this material world was gone. The only thing left was myself, without the mask of reality and the material world over my eyes I was able to think freely and I just felt an overwhelming sense of security, like I was where I belonged, and in this moment I became aware that I was outside of my body and that's when I really started to look at myself. I was disappointed in who I saw and felt so sorry for that person because his life could be so much better than what it was. I felt like he was trapped in a self destructive loop and just couldn't see love in anything anymore and had lost all hope for his dreams and what his life could be and had just accepted his current way if life as his only way of life. Then I started to look at the things that were keeping this person in their current frame of mind. I started feeling enormous amounts of realizations that were always filtered out through my excessive weed and cigarette smoking in my sober mind/life. I realized the reason I was smoking a shit ton of weed 24/7 was to suppress all my feelings of guilt and shame towards myself because I had given up on myself and love. I had been smoking a shit ton of cigarettes to occupy my spare time and calm my anxiety about not being as physically fit and in shape as I wanted to be(makes sense right?) and I was just overal depressed all the time about my current state of being and felt helpless so I just kept continuing this downward spiral because I was so comfortable with it and just accepted it as what my life was going to be. On the sober side i just thought I was a stoner hippie go with the flow type, but once I was able to see that was just an ego I built around myself to push all my insurieties deep down, I was able to observe and understand what I was doing to myself from outside myself.
After the whole ego death subsided I started venturing around this new space I was in. I was on earth but in a different dimension/density. I felt like I was hovering around my house and I was checking out what all my friends were doing and after I floated around for a bit I started to get a sense of connection between myself and my friends, like we are all one in the same and connected on a level I couldn't comprehend even in my trippy state of mind. This is when I realized I could view the world through their eyes, I would just think about one of them and boom! I'm looking through their eyes as if I was them. After I had my fun with all that the next thing I remember is opening my eyes and feeling like what I just experienced had been going on for eternity and the only way I could rationalize it at the time was that It must have all been a dream.

Once I was back in my body I walked out of my room and everything I saw was beautiful and awe inspiring. I felt like I was reborn into my body and I was experiencing this world for the first time without any distortions or outside negative influences. I felt like I had a sense of the universe as a whole and that everthing in this moment is perfect, not a care in the world, only love for everyone and everything. This trip was so intense that afterwards I told myself I wouldn't do shrooms again because initially I was scared of what my ego death had shown me and was not yet mentally prepared to deal with the problems I needed to change. So once I was out of my trip i immeditatly crawled back into my ego where I was comfortable. This whole trip was experienced in September of 2013 and I did not find out what the hell had happend to me until I read the HowTo: Ego Death here on shroomery somewhere around Jan-Feb of 2014 and still was creeped out but a little more relieved that what I experienced wasn't near death or dying but merely a "side-effect" of shrooms lol. After learning more about ego death I decided that I needed to write down this trip to really get a good grasp on what actually took place and what I could learn from it and what better place to do that then Shroomery! I am happy to report that I am currently in the process of removing myself from my ego and cannot wait to see what lies ahead for me once I have left all of it behind. I hope my story is able to help someone understand their trip better or be able to relate to it in some way as did reading everyone's trip reports on here, they really helped me learn and grow.

Peace and love


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