To start off the story, I would have to say I'm pretty experienced with shrooms. I'm a 120 pound young woman, and the most shrooms I've ever eaten were a quarter to myself. I've also taken up to 8 hits of acid at a time, so tripping is nothing new or scary to me. I've never had a really bad trip, and I've always been able to talk myself out of my bad thoughts and into the light. Not this time.
To set the scene, about two weeks before this particular experience I had eaten at least a quarter of shrooms and 9 hits of acid withing a 48 hour period. About a week later, I ate another eighth of shrooms, all of these coming from the exact same dealer and the exact same bath. One of my old high school friends, N, who I've tripped with before told me he was buying some shrooms and he would give me some. Whenever we get them, some other friends, M and A come over as well. N, A, and I all trip and M babysits us.
I got 3 fat little shrooms and one cap. A had 3, and N ate god knows how many to be honest. It all started off really well. We were sitting on my porch laughing and being weird, looking at each other excitedly and annoucning when we started to feel it. Suddenly I started looking at the corner of my porch roof, and it was literally phasing in and out. The borders were fuzzy and the distanc eit was moving was feet at a time, back and forth, shrinking and growing like some shit out of Alice and Wonderland. It had only been 15-20 minutes, and that's when I realized that I was in for something crazy. I kept it cool though, and started drinking mad water and watching everybody else. I felt really withdrawn and unable to connect with the people around me as they laughed and joked with each other. I couldn't follow any conversations and found myself zoning off into fantasy of nonsense words like squishlebottom and washlebuck. Total and complete nonsense shit popping in my head. This is something that actually isn't uncommon for my trips, because I'm a writer and a poet. But it usually happens at the peak of my trip, not 15 minutes in.
So eventually we all migrate to my room. I have a couple chairs, a chalkboard wall, christmas lights, this big trippy mirror, and a wall covered in art and posters. The perfect trip room So we're all chilling and laughing, and the vibe totally changed. I was laughing with everybody again and felt like I could handle it. Then suddenly N stops and looks at us and says "Dude we're in the 70's." Right after he said that, I swear the lighting in the room changed, almost like an instagram filter had been put over it. We all looked at each other, and A goes,"DId y'all see that? The room changed..." We all just agreed and looked around freaked the fuck out. We had all seen it that second he said a word, it really was like we tapped into some sort of dimension because we all hallucinated the same thing at the same time . This comment is what really set off my trip, and I have no idea why.
Immediately after my trip started rolling like nothing I've ever experienced. Usually, when I trip on shrooms, the hallucinations and giggles and things come in waves, receding an then getting intense. This time, there were now waves at all. It was like the trip slapped me in the face, and next thing I know I'm curled up in my bed looking around at my bedroom like it's some foreign place. I felt so disoriented and confused. My eyesight was fucking up completely, and everytime I would try to focus on something more than 2 feet away it would break up and the image would shatter, drip, melt, or shrink and grow. It was like nothing was real at all, I had no idea what reality was. It was like the dimensions had shattered and lay scattered in front of my eyes, looking like a kaleidescope of life that I couldn't make sense of. IT was even kind of uncomfortable to look around. My eyes couldn't focus, everything was strange and shattered, my skin was sweating, and I didn't really register that I was shoving my face into Ms arm and wimpering to myself. I kept tell M that I was scared and that I didn't know what to do. M later told me that I repeated it over and over again. This was about 45 minutes into the trip, and every single one of us that was tripping had felt like it had been hours. Time literaly stopped around 11:30 PM.
I realized that I was tripping, but I couldn't think about much else. Mostly I was so confused because I had eaten a larger quantity of these exact shrooms not even a week ago and hadn't felt it like this. It felt like something had snapped inside my brain and there was no going back. I convinced myself that I was stuck like this forever.
When I started peaking is when the voices in my head started. I kept hearing people asking me what I was doing, how I was feeling, what the fuck I thought about life. Just crazy shit, shouting at me in between the nonsense word blurbs. At one point, N, who was tripping harder than anyone, started talking to himself and laughing in this manic kind of way. I just curled up in my bed for 2 hours and told myself that this had to go away, my luck couldn't be that bad. I honestly contemplated killing myself because I couldn't live in a permatrip forever. M at one point convinced me to walk outside and I could barely make it through my house. I didn't recognize anything, I didn't know what was going on. My brain literally felt like it had been cut up into little cheese squares. I prayed for release, and I don't even believe in God. I kept telling everyone in the room that we ate bad shrooms and we needed to go to the hospital. I told them that I had never felt like this before. Nobody listened because they were all fucking crying.
Eventually, the intensity started waning and I was coming back to my senses. I am not proud to say this, but I have experimented with a large amount of drugs, having even accidently come into contact with PCP, crack, and bunk X. I have never in my life experienced anything as intense as eating those four fucking mushrooms. It was like the skin of existence had been pulled back and I was staring the muscles and sinews of the universe in the fucking face. I really don't know how to put this trip into words, because my mind wash honestly so fucked up, I don't think I was thinking of anything except for what was going on, but I've tried my best. I have never been so grateful in my life to come down from a trip and embrace sobriety. I genuinely thought I had fucked myself up for good with my hallucinogen abuse. I honestly don't think I will ever touch shrooms again. This bad trip was something I was completely unprepared for, and I don't think I could live through another trip like this without killing myself.