Swim ate 4 g of dried amazonian with 2 friends on a small natural island in the middle of the river that runs through town.
Started feeling something about 30 minutes in. Stomach a little upset and starting to feel a bit uncomfortable in swim%u2019s sweaty skin. Tried to drink some water, but had a thought that it wouldn%u2019t make any difference whether it was inside of swim or outside of swim.
40 minutes in, the bark on the tree next to swim started to flow up and down the tree, with the pattern becoming iridescent like a rainbow reflection on the surface of motor oil. Swim looked down at swim%u2019s tattoos (an infinity symbol on each arm), and the color appeared to be radiating outward like wet ink being blown by a straw. Swim tried to get his friend to look at the tattoos to see if he could see this too. He said he could, but swim wasn%u2019t sure if his friend was telling the truth or not.
The group changed locations, walking over to the edge of the water. Swim felt very awkward and self-conscious. There were other people on the island not too far away, and though swim knew they didn%u2019t care about what he was doing, he initially felt uneasy about their presence. Swim wasn%u2019t sure if he wanted to sit, or stand, or put his feet in the water, or actually get in the water. After sitting for a bit with his feet submerged, he decided to get in all the way. It was a good choice. Swim was overpowered by sensation. The water felt amazing flowing past, as did the mossy rocks and the feeling of being buoyant. Swim remembers telling his friend, %u201Cthis is the most amazing rock I have ever felt!%u201D
Swim thought about the spectrum of density, with rocks being lower than water, which was lower than air. black holes were the absolute on one end, empty space on the other. How curious that all things seemed to be on a sliding scale. color. sound (frequency and volume), temperature, etc. Swim%u2019s thoughts shifted to objects, and categories of objects. Swim thought about the elements. And energies. Swim was overwhelmed by how many different %u201Cattributes%u201D there were to the universe and our world. Swim thought about how many options he had for things to think about, to say, to do, and what free will really meant. He thought about the infinity of space and time.
Suddenly swim%u2019s thoughts moved inward, to the very core of swim%u2019s being. From this vantage point, it was as if swim was in the center of a swirling vortex of energy and awareness. Timeless, boundless, it was the embodiment of the idea of infinite possibilities of everything that can ever exist. The oneness, the consciousness that is the source of everything we have come to know. It has always been here. It will always be here. And with this thought came a sense of reassuring relief and overwhelming sense of satisfaction which swim can not describe. Swim felt complete. This was the mind of the universal life force.
Swim did not stay here long. It was a fleeting moment which swim has spent much time recollecting.
After getting back out of the water, swim tried to have a conversation with his friends. It was as if each of us was contributing only a few words at a time to a fluidly spoken, yet completely incoherent conversation. The words that came out were something like, %u201Cso we can%u2026 if we want%u2026 because we%u2019re here%u2026 and we have to%u2026 it means all of it%u2026 it%u2019s everything%u2026 and we already know!%u2026 cause I can put my shoe on%u2026. or go stand over there%u2026 or we can sit down here%u2026 it%u2019s all everything.%u201D
Shortly after swim was attempting to gather his things, but when he picked up his jeans (swim had taken them off to get in the water) his keys fell out of his pocket. In reaching down to get them one of swim%u2019s shoes fell out of his arms. This caused a sensation that many more things were continuously falling all around him and swim could not hold onto all of them. It was rather comedic, like a clown trying to prevent a bunch of snake-in-a-cans from springing out unintentionally from his loose-fitting pants.
Swim%u2019s friends had already started walking the trail that lead back to civilization. Swim looked up and did not see them. He began to panic slightly, wondering how long he had been standing there and where everyone else had gone. It was starting to get dark and he was beginning to come down and realized he needed to get off the island and go home. Suddenly swim%u2019s friend emerged back from the trail.
%u201CYou coming dude?%u201D
%u201CI thought you guys left me.%u201D
%u201CWe%u2019re your friends man, we wouldn%u2019t do that to you.%u201D
In that moment Swim felt his friends were the voice of the universal life force telling himself everything would be ok. We need this reality in order to grow. Thinking is not the same as living. We need the experience of being human. Swim was born in the perfect time, in the perfect place, with the perfect circumstances to be who he is at this moment. No worries. The universe is exactly as it should be. the universal life force is everything, which is awesome to think about, but there%u2019s a reason swim is swim.
Swim believes that swim%u2019s existence as a human being is one way in which the universal life force can come to recognize and know himself/itself. It is a way to facilitate growth and understanding, as well as appreciation. Swim will die and lose that which is swim as a human in this world, but swim%u2019s consciousness (that which is experiencing) will continue on. Heaven to swim, is quite literally, continuing to experience%u2026forever. Swim declares there is no such thing as hell, but rather a self-imposed isolation - a separation from the joy of being connected to the understanding and love of the oneness of it all. the universal life force does not need us to bow down and worship, or to make you feel you are not worthy. the universal life force is you, dude! Always has been, always will be. Get used to it. Or don%u2019t. It%u2019s all good.
Sure we can engage in sick and twisted shit if we want to. the universal life force won%u2019t stop that, if you won%u2019t. the universal life force is the container and the substance of all things. Nasty fucked up shit is a part of that too. It%u2019s only a sense of morality which causes us to see these things as %u201Cbad%u201D and ask why they exist. But once you realize that it%u2019s all you, that you create your own karma, and that you reap what you sow, it is difficult to want to go down any path that leads away from enlightenment. %u2026unless you%u2019re curious what that%u2019s like. Swim supposes we need to experience it all in order to gain perspective, but it%u2019s much more satisfying ultimately to contribute positivity. We%u2019ve got eternity with our perception so we might as well make it our heaven.
So basically swim feels swim knows the universal life force, but that it doesn%u2019t matter, because everything is already right in the universe, and swim doesn%u2019t need to worry about the big picture at the moment. Swim will embrace life as a gift, with the underlying sense that there%u2019s a lot more to it than meets the everything.
%u201CThere%u2019s no need to sway a mind that has strayed from the path. There%u2019s more than one way to work out the math.%u201D
p.s. swim used the term %u201Cthe universal life force%u201D instead of %u201CGod%u201D because swim feels the word %u201CGod%u201D is too attached to the Christian idea of a being that is separate from this world, which created our world. the universal life force (God) IS literally EVERY THING.
At least that%u2019s what swim thinks.