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We are too greedy
We are too greedy
Background info: This was my 6th trip - I had flu at the time (with a painfully sore throat) and a good few spoonfuls of cough mixture and ginger effervescent tablets in me. I took 0.6g of dried, homegrown Transkei cubes at 22:40. I was peaking around 00:15- 01:30, and the comedown was very gentle and at the same time fast, with the best part of it finished by 02:30-45ish.
I did not grind the shroom or lemon tek or cranberry tek it. It was one stem and cap weighed out on a digital scale, taken as an experiment to see what kind of effects would come from such a small dose, if any, and whether it would be noticeable or worth repeating in the future. My previous trip on these mushrooms was an intense dark trip on 2.5g ground up and left for 5-10min in 75% cranberry juice, and all-in-all, it was a brutal trip that wasn’t enjoyable at the time (I experienced my first major ego death, but it was total confusion when it happened), however it gave me a lot of insight into who I am and who I am not, and made me realize after the trip that I’m too hard on myself and I punish myself far too much.
Physically, I am 74Kg, 1.9m tall and at the time of ingestion my metabolism was slower than fast and faster than slow (straight after a weekend of partying, which was straight after a week of intense cardio).
Ok, consider this an important part, but also more of a prelude to my solo trip, skip to the 2nd dotted line if you don’t want to read about my conversation with a chick while I was still mostly sober :-P
I almost completely forgot that I’d taken mushrooms, I started watching Critters 3 around 11pm, I didn’t really have a plan for this trip, but I wasn’t anxious at all, except my sore throat had been irking me all day and I wasn’t sure how tripping would make it feel.
Anyways, a girl from my past started messaging me and I got lost in the chat for about 15-20 min, barely watching the movie, discussing spirituality and stuff. She got kind of defensive and condescending as we discussed our experiences with our ego’s and the very nature of our core fears and stuff (she was saying stuff about how she had reached her enlightened state many years before me and I was far behind her spiritually and blah blah blah, which I chose not to comment on), but I didn’t feel bad about it, because at the time I knew I was really just sharing my experience with her and trying to help her feel less lonely (she was going on about loneliness and it almost seemed like she was desperately trying to BE lonely) and it prompted me to tell her about my own fears of being alone, which I overcame to a large degree during my terrible trip, by acknowledging and accepting loss and death, my own mortality, and realizing that I’m never alone, no one truly is.
I did my best not to be hurtful or poke the bear so to speak so I simply told her that I’d shared my own experience not to be condescending, but to show her how I overcame my own issues, and she was being unnecessarily defensive and trying to point fingers when I wasn’t trying to act superior at all. Anyways, the chat got a little more silent, which I wasn’t bothered by, because I hadn’t said or done anything that warranted an apology. Next thing my phone’s ringing and it’s her.
She called to apologize, because she read through the texts and realized that she was looking for a fight for no reason, and she was the one speaking from her ego. I accepted her apology and we chatted about spiritual stuff for ages, I told her about my mushroom experience on the condition that she didn’t judge (she has a very negative outlook on all drugs, which I understand, even if it isn’t my view), and she definitely judged a bit, but tried not to, which was what mattered to me.
Then she started asking me questions and testing me on a variety of topics without giving hints to her own views, and she kept stating how my way of thinking is the same as hers and she can’t believe how remarkably similar we are when it comes to spirituality and stuff. It started to make me very weary to be honest, because she was clearly relating to me on some levels, but it also felt as though she was trying to convince herself that I’m like, the only one that gets her or something, which I think was her being lonely and reaching out, and it started to feel almost invasive, like she was forcing me to be the one.
Then just as the movie ended (loooooong phone call), I started to notice and feel the shrooms (about an hour and a half after eating them), a lot harder than I thought 0.6g would feel like (I’ve done mostly 1-2g trips with the exception of a 3.5g trip and my cranberry 2.5 trip). The body high was very cool, like my core temperature had dropped and my limbs were weightless and jelly. It was super distracting, because as I was realizing this, she was still chatting away and she didn’t know that I was tripping at the time, and I didn’t really want to tell her that I was so that she could start judging me again.
Then things got a little annoying/ frustrating. She started flirting, and trying to force flirts out of me, and she was kind of looping, and I was getting really tired of feeding her insecurities with kind words at this point, because it felt like we’d gone from having some really nice, deep discussions, to all of a sudden she’s just pushing me into a corner trying to get me to say stuff that she wants to hear, about how I want to be with her (which, at this point I really don’t and it would be a lie, she lives faaaar away and is a high maintenance person, but that’s just what I could tell she was trying to get me to say - I didn't say it), and how beautiful she is, etc, etc (she is beautiful, but the constant fishing was tedious).
Combined with the intense body high and slight visuals (very slight), I just needed to get out of that phone call. I managed to use the flu and exhaustion as an excuse to say goodnight and sweet dreams, because I was peaking and it was 00:30ish, and I just didn’t want to jam this game where I have to say things that aren’t meant to be said now or to her any longer than it had already been played, which was too long.
Luckily, that was the end of that nonsense for the night. Now it was time for me to move on and work on myself, but I couldn’t decide what to do, I wanted to get out of the house and get some fresh air, but it was cold and I was super conflicted and nausea was hitting me harder than it ever has on shrooms before, which I found weird, but chalked off to the cough syrup. I tried to take a shit, but it wasn’t my time, so I brushed my teeth and boiled some tea, then I drank some water and resisted the trip for a bit, because I kind of just wanted to go to sleep after the tiresome phone call, but now I was too awake and alert, and not being able to sleep combined with the CEVs was making me a little anxious. I also wanted to sleep on shrooms to see what kind of dreams might hit me, alas, I missed the window of opportunity, I think you’d have to go to sleep way before peaking, even on a low dose... I’ll test this soon actually. =)
I realized me resisting the experience was just going to make for a super uncomfortable time and leave me with bad vibes, so I decided to embrace it, and I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes and focussed on taking nice deep slow relaxing breaths and just watching the visuals (lights off). I saw some amazing tentacle fractals that I’ve never experienced before, and it was as though they were showing me something, maybe the universe, maybe more, along with some wonderful vortexes and giant robots. It’s one of the first trips I’ve had where I’ve remembered my CEVs in detail (I toke a lot, and it irks me that I get to see such amazing things, but never remember them), and I recall asking the robots questions about what they were doing and what they wanted, but I couldn’t quite understand the answer, which I feel might have been because I was on slightly too low a dose, I then asked them or it for their name and got something out of them that started with a v or an f, but I couldn’t quite piece it together.
It was very beautiful to surrender to the visuals and thoughts and I didn’t get stuck in any loops like I sometimes do, because I wasn’t avoiding the eyes looking back at me (my eyes), and I felt extremely positive, because I was learning to accept my “dark side” and that there is no real dark side or reason to feel guilt. We do the things we do and we think the things we think because we are impulsive energies, and following your impulses is natural, to resist yourself, that is unnatural. That is why bad trips happen - when you deny yourself the ability to be you, and you hate yourself for no reason other than the fact that you’ve been convinced that the things that you’ve done were wrong, that the things that you’ve thought were wrong, that you should feel guilty for not complying and conforming with everyone else’s standards, then you will live a life being too guilty to be you, and that is no life.
I really didn’t think that 0.6g could give me so much, but during the experience I realized that we are too greedy, and we don’t need to do 5g+ to experience ego death and take meaningful lessons away. As a matter of fact, low-dosing gives me more clarity, my mind isn’t fucked, it’s fixed on a low dose, so I can grow more and appreciate the experience without potentially traumatizing myself out of greediness, or worse, going amnesiac and forgetting the lessons. Then again, some people LIKE tripping super hard, and there are pro’s and con’s to all trips in my opinion, but I think that it is unnecessary to consume ridiculously large amounts of “magic” to make breakthroughs, when you can breakthrough on so little and have very meaningful life lessons.
During the comedown I realized that my sore throat had been almost non-existent for the duration of the trip, especially around the peak where I totally forgot that I had the flu. All in all I would say that 0.6g was a wonderful short trip that I could very easily enjoy solo or around other people, and it is also a great dose to help you get over come-up anxiety issues for future trips, as you can learn to embrace your trip more (3-4 beers can also help though).
Final note about my opinion on low dosing:
I know with some cubes, 0.6g would literally do nothing noticeable to you, so I can understand people being dubious that I could get anything out of it, and call bullshit, placebo, blahdiblahblah, buuuut, getting a good set of genetics does happen, and I hit the jackpot, and I have had plenty of experience with CEVs from weed to know that it wasn’t placebo. I’ve had 1g Golden Teachers that did virtually nothing, no body load at all, no OEVs at all and really weak CEVs, then I’ve had 3.5g of unknown cubes (looked like B+) that were probably the equivalent of 1-1.5g of my Transkei (will test that soon, but 0.6g was very comparable to the 3.5g trip, only the smaller dose was a much shorter trip by about 2 hours and not quite as visual as the full 3.5g, but close!), I’ve also had 2g B+ that had less body-load and were about equal visually speaking (also longer trip) to my 0.6g and very close to my 3.5g trip, and 1g Texans that were similar body-load wise, with no visuals though. Basically, what I’m saying is that 0.6g depending on luck of the grow and stuff, could either be an extremely awesome discovery, or a total disappointment for you, and it’ll be different across every grow and every trip, hell, maybe across every mushroom. On some grows my 0.6g might be equivalent to 1.2g or to 0.4g, and that’s not even factoring in larger mushrooms with open caps, vs smaller mushrooms harvested before the veil breaks and stuff. So yeah, tailor your own research into low dosing according to your own grow, cos every batch is going to probably have a different "sweet spot" low dose amount (for me the aim of a low dose amount is to have minimal OEVs, nice CEVs and at the same time, help me work on myself as a person and be more sociable). I’m not a scientist, so don’t get angry at me, any of my opinions on this report are simply that, opinions, and I am relatively new to this, so don’t put much weight in my words if you’re new to shrooming, but maybe some of my theories are on the mark. =)