I thought I remembered someone posting to the VPL about insect-like,
mantis-like entities that didn't seem too friendly. Does anybody remember
I ran into something like that last night - or maybe they ran into me. Five
fair-sized dried cubensis ground up via orange juice. Fast onset.
Laid down in my darkened music studio to let things happen. As soon as I
was still, an entity or entities materialized out of headspace and
completely engulfed my consciousness. I have met quite a few different
things in similar states, but these things were different: aggressive,
confusing, assimilating. I started to panic. I couldn't shake the
intruders; all my usual tricks seemed to be useless, as if they had learned
enough about me to counter all my defenses. They even knew my name - or one
of them, - as they explained that resistance was futile, you will be
I found I could, drive them temporarily from my head by physically moving,
and not allowing my mind to settle into that tryptamine trance state.
However, they were still very present, and I felt very threatened - as if
they were invading me, or possibly others, or the whole planet, and that we
were in danger of being consumed or eradicated.
I got more and more frightened by what was going on. There has been a storm
in the bay area, and so the city was more chaotic than usual... flooding,
accidents, power outages. I thought that something terrible was happening
to San Francisco. There was one friend who I thought of calling for help,
but i could not locate his number, and directory assistance was not working
- - confirming my fears that things were going awry.
I thought I was doomed, and in my panic of survival I lurched out the door
and actually got in my car and drove away - a very foolish thing to do in
such an extreme state, and very uncharacteristic of me. I bolted for the
freeway, thinking that the whole city had gone mad and was about to be
eradicated. On 280 heading south I saw a huge vehicle, kind of like an
armored ambulatory septic truck, which had painted on it, "MULTI-CASUALTY
UNIT." Man, I was scared. The Sun was huge, and incredibly bright, with the
strange clouds diffusing searing white light across the sky. It didn't seem
like the sun... it was an entity, or machine, that was scouring the
landscape. I felt it burning my skin like radioactivity, and it exerted a
heavy gravity on my car, drawing it off the ground. The air felt unnatural,
I was having trouble breathing. My throat was parched. I pulled off the
freeway, and zipped around into some shade to escape the scourge and heat
of the light. Even as I paused there, I felt the car was being crushed, and
noxious vapors swirling around.
I finally pulled back onto the street, and amazingly enough, found my way
home. Amazing because I had no idea what I was doing, could barely
comprehend exit signs and such, and the streets swayed and seemed about to
burst open from a glowing energy beneath them. On our street were trucks
with big tanks and hoses on them (plumbers). I feared the worst, but
managed to get back into my house. Finally i found someone home, and it
took them a long time to calm me down.
Speeding on the freeway, I was prepared to drive over a cliff to my death.
Anything felt better than being captured. I would have take my own life -
again, very uncharacteristic of me. I had the feeling several times that a
part of me *was* taken away... or even that something inside was broken, or
changed, or something planted in me.
Later, lying in bed delerious, I had many many visions... some were
completely terrifying, but some where amazingly beautiful and informative -
more like the tryptamine revelations I have had before. It felt like I had
experienced a dire warning - or tripped a defence mechanism of hyperspace -
or was singled out for attention - or was part of an unfathomable
experiment. At one point I felt a presence examining me - my hands, beneath
my skin, etc. It did not feel threatening, though. I also felt as if I had
been given an extraordinary ability, which coincided with certain aspects
of my personality... basically, the ability to disappear, or to die. I felt
I could unleash this on things around me, which I did not want.
This only sketches out a few of the points of that strange occurance. For a
while I could not even think about it without getting very upset. I thought
it was the most terrifying and extreme experience I have had, and I was
suprised I lived through it. I think it will change my approach to
entheogens; it was very similar to my first bad paragliding accident -
teaches you respect and caution. But somehow, you have to keep that
confident, reckless edge...
Now it recedes like a bad dream... and I wonder exactly what *did* happen.