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What the fuck?

What ties me to this earth.


I have never experienced a trip even somewhat close to this trip in my entire life; most of this trip I can't even explain to you. 

It started with my friend asking me if I wanted to sneak out of my parents house and do mushrooms. I was a minor at the time, I had never done any before and I was incredibly interested in them. My interest in them led me to make the wrong decision of going out that night. We went to a somewhat safe place, my friend toby's apartment. My friend Tyson has already purchased them for me as a birthday present. They were in ground up pill form and I was directed to take 6 of them, later to find out there was about  .75g dry ground up mushroom in each capsule 6 X .75= 4.5g. The come up was amazing, I was happy because I was under the impression that I could handle it, We were just smoking weed and having a great time.  I had no clue what was to come. 

The peak started about a hour and a half in, it was only me and my best friend Tyson that were tripping. Everyone one else were just spectators. I saw the normal things, walls breathing, faces had that mushroom face I can't explain but all of you that have done mushrooms before probably understand what I mean. My limbs felt like they were extremely far away from my torso. The next thing that happened was my head started getting violent cringes. It felt like my brain was tightening up over and over again in quick successions. It sounded like a loud group of clapping people were rushing too my ears every time it cringed. It was absolutely terrifying; I have only experienced this occurrence on LSD, never again on mushrooms. I am sorry if my explaining of that isn't adequate.. but it's simply unexplainable. This happened throughout the night and was a major theme of my trip. I remember people asking me if I was okay or not but I don't remember ever responding to them, I don't remember how they came to the conclusion I was okay but I know they did.

I was laying on the floor and I could not figure out what tied me to this earth, I couldn't figure out what responsibilities I had as a person, I didn't understand what I was required to do in life. I kept on thinking of my school building but I had no idea what significance it had to my life, I didn't understand that it was a high school and that I went there to learn, I just kept thinking of that building and how I went there every day having no idea what sort of things I did there. I remember thinking of smell, I didn't understand what part of me comprehended smell. I was so confused what part of me read smell. I legitimately forgot about the function of my nose, when I figured it out I was angry at myself. Angry about how stupid I was being. I was angry and scared that I wasn't smart anymore. I lost all hope. I didn't think I could ever have intelligent thought again. I thought I was in that apartment for much longer then what a trip was ever supposed to be and that I was just going to be in this hellish mindset forever. I was mad that my friends were not helping me through this and then I realized they weren't there. I was in the apartment alone. They had left at some point in the night and I don't remember them leaving.. I was so scared I almost cried. I was a second away from calling my mom when they all walked in. They were just out on the patio smoking.... I had a near nervous breakdown because I was alone for 5 mins, this is why I will never trip alone. That scared me so much I will never attempt to trip by my self.

Everyone had streamers, I saw where they were walking, were going to be walking, and previously were walking all at the same time. That is the only way I can explain it. I thought I was seeing in multiple time zones at the same time.  I was seeing people do things before they did it, I still can't explain that. I was just tripping too hard. I remember me and Tyson communicating (Tyson was the other one that was tripping along with me) but I don't remember how we were communicating. We weren't talking; it was like we were strictly speaking through emotion and facial expressions. I totally understood him more then anything I had ever understood before. It was like we were having the same thought processes and thoughts together. I later found out that he wasn't thinking these things at all. I was just tripping major ballsack, he wasn't having this experience with me whatsoever. He wasn't even paying attention to me at all even though I created this insane thought of us having this intense spiritual connection together; I was the only one who was experiencing it which was very hard for me to comprehend the next day. 

The comedown was nice, it was mostly comprehending what had just happened.  I finally regained the knowledge that I had willingly taken mushrooms, I didn't understand that most of the night. I didn't know why I was tripping at my peak. I just knew that I was not normal and  I understood that it was  different then what being sober was like but I didn't know it which ways. I fell asleep and when I woke up I simply said "what the fuck" over and over again. I have taken 6 hits of LSD and not tripped as hard as I did that night. All of my trips following have been an attempt to try to comprehend what I was thinking that night. That night changed me. That night changed my outlook on the universe, It changed my thought on what is wrong and what is right. I wrote this in hopes of trying to figure it out for myself what I experienced but now that I am finished I am absolutely disappointed in the conclusion I have come too. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED. I will never be able to explain it to anyone. I will never relive it again.

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